God of War, Eight Hours in

 

God of War is an excellent cinematic experience with high production values, amazing graphics, decent beat 'em up controls, and somewhat repetitive puzzle design. All in all, I've enjoyed it immensely on PC; however, I have a few critiques. First let's examine what this game does well. The entire game is one shot; there are no camera cut aways (unless you count bringing up the inventory), and the close angle makes the game feel intimate and cinematic. Kratos, the player character, has a long backstory that I, as a primarily PC gamer, was not aware of, although the game will eventually fill you in on some of it. In the opening scene, he's cutting down a tree, one of the last requests of his dead wife, and his facial expressions are instantly readable, and you sense the weight sitting on his shoulders. Throughout the entire game Atreus, Kratos's son, will accompany you, and their relationship is the main focus of God of War. Kratos is gruff, untrusting, harsh, and distant, while his son is precocious, trusting, and optimistic, and watching their characters develop is something I have rarely (if ever) experienced in a video game. As they travel through the realm of Midgard, they encounter a host of gods and monsters, all pulled from the weird, wonderful world of Norse mythology, depicted here in all of its strangeness. Originally released in 2018 as a Playstation 4 exclusive, God of War is gorgeous, its dense environments packed with color and detail. Really, it's amazing they released this title for the last console generation. On PC, it sports graphical improvements, such as higher textures and improved shadows and reflections. Unfortunately, on AMD GPUs, there are occasional frame drops, especially around the Lake of the Nine area. Capping my framerate to 60 lessened the severity of these drops; I noticed a few as low as 54 fps, which isn't very noticeable on a Freesync monitor. Just something to keep in mind, as the experience is apparently much smoother on Nvidia hardware. From a design standpoint, my biggest critique is the busy inventory screen. You can craft and upgrade Kratos's armor, Atreus's armor, and their weapons; additionally, you have several screens worth of skills to buy for both characters with XP. In a game very focused on its characters and immersion, I feel God of War too frequently asks you to pull yourself out of the game world to focus on RPG mechanics that don't exactly fit this type of button masher. Also, as you make your way through the game, you'll find yourself switching between combat, which occurs a little too infrequently for my tastes, and puzzles, which all feature Kratos throwing his ax at something. This puzzle design is a little too monotonous and frequent; I'd much rather focus on destroying dark elves and wraiths. Kratos and Atreus don't often fight more than a handful of enemies at once, and I wonder if this was a design limitation of the PS4 (maybe too many enemies tanked the framerate). These are fairly minor quibbles. If you're looking for a cinematic third person action game, then you can't go wrong with God of War.

Screenshots:

Batman and Robin's Political Debates

 

Robin is enjoying a nice cup at coffee at his favorite Gotham shop when he sees a huge black truck pull up.There is a blue and black American flag flying on the left, while a Trump flag rises like a specter of doom from the right of the bed. The door opens, and Batman climbs out. He is decked out in his heavy assault body armor, but now there are little Trump heads dotted all over the front of it, as though some dumb bastard gave a toddler a bunch of Trump stickers and told them to go to town. As he enters the coffee shop, some people audibly gasp. Batman marches up to the counter, sits down on a stool, and barks at the barista.

"White mocha, on the double. Hurry it up, honey. My taxes are subsidizing your poverty-level wages."

Robin chokes a little bit when he hears this. He knows Bruce hasn't paid any income taxes in about four years.

A little boy comes up to Batman and asks for his autograph. The Batman shakes his head, sighs, and then scribbles something on a napkin before handing it to the kid.

"Batman? Why does this napkin say 'get a job?'"

"Because I'm done doing handouts. When I was your age, my parents were gunned down before me. What do you think I did after that? I got my ass up and started working. Let that be a lesson to you."

"Is the lesson capitalism destroys your capacity for empathy?" asks Robin, coming over to the kid's defense.

"Oh Jesus, I didn't know you were here," says Batman.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? What's up with the redneck ride out there?" asks Robin.

"I don't want anyone to mistake my political stance on anything, anymore," replies Batman.

"That's why you're covered in Trump stickers?"

"I want him to be the last thing criminals see before I destroy their faces," says Batman.

"Your feet are firmly planted on the road to fascism. Fuck democracy, eh?"

"The United States is a republic, not a democracy."

"We're a democratic republic. A republic is just a representative government. Did you get that from Fox News or something?"

"Robin, our culture is about to be destroyed. There's no holding back. If we don't act now, there won't be an America to wake up to!"

The mocha arrives, and Batman tries to swig it down like a beer, but it's too damn hot, and he spits most of it back at the barista, who cries and runs to the back.

"The ends justify the means, is what you're saying. You and your ilk are ready to burn it all down because of the increasing social liberalism of society, even though you could hide in your country clubs and five star dinners with the rest of the rich parasites and never even encounter a minority. Christ, Bruce, you're not some country bumpkin. You're the one percent. You're not supposed to fall for this brainwashing."

Batman smiles. The mocha has painted a mustache on his upper lip.

"Who says I'm falling for anything?"

He gets up, throws some change on the counter, and flips off the rest of the clientele before throwing a few crotch chops their way. As he burns out of his parking spot, the air is filled with thick diesel fumes that linger like a malevolent spirit.

"I'm the head fucker of Fuck-You-America!" screams the Batman as he tears down the road. "So fuck you!"

How to Know if Your Neighbor Across the Street is a Methhead

 

If your neighbor drives around in the middle of the night making deliveries with his pitbull's head sticking out the window, you may be living across from a methhead.

If weird, worthless piles of shit start accumulating in front of your neighbor's apartment, then they may be trading meth for junk.

If two jabronis are wearing headlamps in the middle of the night while crouching down in a field, working on god knows what, then you may have methheads as neighbors.

If you put something out next to the trash and you see it the next morning in front of your neighbor's place, no matter how worthless, then yeah, they might be methheads.

If random cars pull up and your neighbor gets inside for about thirty seconds and then gets out, then they are probably selling drugs, most likely meth.

If your neighbors don't seem to work or leave the house during the daylight hours, then they are either vampires or methheads. Same difference, really.

If your neighbor's teenage children prowl the streets like Malcolm McDowell in a Clockwork Orange, then you either live in Aurora and/or your neighbor is a methhead.

If you've never seen your neighbor dressed in anything besides pajamas or ill-fitting camouflage pants, then once again, you either live in Aurora and/or your neighbor is a methhead.

If one of the randos working on your neighbor's Toyota POS bears a great resemblance to Lord Voldemort in a tracksuit, then they are all probably methheads. 

Honestly, if anyone moves in across the street from me, I assume they are a methhead, and I'm right one-hundred percent of the time, every time.

God Bless America.

How to Recognize Fascism

 

Here's how you recognize fascism.

There is always an Other holding the nation back. Liberals, feminists, minorities, homosexuals, transgenders, immigrants. The language used to describe said groups is always hyperbolic and riddled with lies. Trump affiliated QAnon conspiracy wack-jobs accuse the Democratic Party of running a pedophile ring in order to harvest the adrenal glands of children. This is sadly ironic, considering how many Republican politicians have connections to known child abusers or are in fact child abusers themselves. Here's a list, just off the top of my head: former Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert (convicted pedophile), former Judge and GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore (accused of pursuing teenage girls), Congressman Matt Gaetz (currently being investigated by the FBI for sex trafficking of a minor),and Congressman Jim Jordon (refused to do anything to stop his wrestling team's doctor from molesting over 300 people while coaching at Ohio State, despite numerous allegations).

The truth is dependent on a certain point of view. Like a degenerate Obi-wan Kenobi, a fascist despises objective reasoning, science, intellectuals, and any criticism, legitimate or otherwise. Ever notice that people like Carlson and Trump constantly whine about the elites, as though they themselves are not part of the one percent? Carlson is the heir to the Swanson frozen food empire, and like Trump, he tries to depict himself as a populist. One reason why fascists constantly muddle the truth is that they aim to drown us all in a "flood of shit," to paraphrase Steve Bannon. Joe Biden had an dubious sexual assault allegation pop up during 2020, almost certainly to redirect media attention away from Trump's 26 accusers. A false equivalency is when two situations are compared as though they are equal, and it is a strategy frequently employed by fascists to equate misdeeds. Sowing doubt is the mission, and pretty soon the truth loses all meaning. It's harder to hold people in power accountable when you can't determine what the truth is.

Mindless Loyalty to a Leader. Any critic of Trump has been purged from the Republican Party. Liz Cheney lost her position as House Chair because she voted to impeach Trump for his role in encouraging the Jan. 6 riot. Anthony Gonzalez and Adam Kinzinger have retired after voting to impeach. Every Republican politician now walks on eggshells, careful not to disparage their Dear Leader, lest they lose reelection or suffer death threats from the Trumpian masses. The Right is obsessed and insecure about their masculinity, so it's pretty humorous to watch these paragons of masculine virtue cower in fear like soy boy beta cucks from the long, short-fingered arm of Donald Trump. The fascist knows that they have no honor and no true ideology. Power is their only concern, and they will do anything, no matter how debasing, in order to keep that power. Ted Cruz is perhaps the best example of this. Trump insulted his wife's looks, accused his father of killing JFK, called him "lying Ted," and Cruz became one of his most argent defenders. One only has to look at his recent humbling before Tucker Carlson to realize how pathetic he and other Republicans truly are. 

Contempt for Democracy. Republican politicians don't believe the Big Lie that 2020 election was stolen from Trump, but they'll be damned if they don't steal the next one. In 2021, 19 states enacted 33 voting laws to make it harder to vote, and you win no extra points for guessing that every single one of those states were controlled by Republicans. In wake of Democrats' 2021 victories in Georgia, state Republicans have given themselves power over local election boards, purging Democrats and black people. Their base is primed by Fox News and internet media to see the opposition as an existential threat, one worthy of using violence against, if necessary.

"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever."

It's best that we call it like we see it before it is too late. The Republican Party is a fascist organization. It is hostile to democracy, liberalism, science, and American values. Anyone not under the sway of Trumpism needs to wake up and realize what meager political power the American citizen has is in danger of being swept away.     

Conan Brothers Q&A

 

SpeculativePossum asks "Did you guys ever invest in crypto? Hope you did, you'd be rolling in the dough right now."

Dave: I invest the old fashion way: by keeping my money under my mattress.

Arnold: Which sucks if you catch your house on fire.

Dave: Money is flammable, unfortunately.

Arnold: I'm all for putting your money in assets. Buy a house, improve your house, buy a car, become a slum lord. Investing, however, is not something I've ever considered, mostly because I've never had enough money to do so. Lately we've been sitting on a little bit of cash, though, and the thought of doing something other than letting it rest under Dave's mattress has dawned on me. Investing in crypto at this point doesn't seem like a great idea.

Dave: You gotta get in before the rest of the fools do, Arnie.

Arnold: That's right, Dave. Crypto's value is totally based on its perception as the hot new thing. In reality, a handful of people control most of the market. The bubble keeps building and building but it will crash again, like it always does.

Dave: Maybe a currency not backed by a government isn't a great idea.

Arnold: I wish people would just fucking use cash! Cash isn't easily traceable, you fools! I guess it's not great for buying illegal shit on the internet, but otherwise it does everything Bitcoin is supposed to do!

Dave: Now I want to see Matt Damon in a commercial for cash.

Arnold: We would be remiss if we didn't mention the needless wasting of vast amounts of electrical energy by crypto mining stations as they waste processing power computing algorithms for proof of work.

Dave: As if capitalism has ever cared about anything other than making money.

Arnold: Bring on the workers' revolution! Where's my hammer and sickle?

...

StrongGuyBill asks "Ever miss around with atlas stones?"

Dave: Yep.

Arnold: We just recently made a 215 pounder after throwing around a 145 lbs stone for over a year. Took me a while to realize you can't pick up a heavy atlas stone up without using your bare forearms.

Dave: Really bruised them pretty bad.

Arnold: Yeah, our stone has a ridge on it from where the concrete seeped in-between the two piece of the mold. No pain, no gain, I guess.

Dave: Stones are great. Lifting weights will get you very strong but you need to practice real world shit every once in a while, like lifting telephone poles or giant rocks.

Arnold: I'd recommend starting out with a stone that's about seventy percent of your body weight and then going up from there.

...

GoldenHalo asks "What's your favorite Halo Infinite weapon for multiplayer?"

Dave: Sword.

Arnold: I don't have one particular favorite. One of the great things about Infinite is that almost all the weapons are viable. Well, except for the ravager. The plasma pistols sucks too.

Dave: There is no reason for the plasma pistol with the pulse carbine around.

Arnold: Yeah, the pulse carbine is secretly a good weapon. If you keep the cursor on your target, the pulses track. It is really good at stripping shields.

Dave: The Skewer is another favorite. I'm good at no scoping with it.

Arnold: I would say that fifty percent of the time, I'm deadly with the Skewer. It is immensely satisfying to spike an enemy.

Dave: I'm just going to say that Halo Infinite is the best multiplayer game I've played since Unreal Tournament.

Arnold: It's not exactly an arena shooter, in that fast movement is important, but managing power ups, weapon spawns, and the map layout is just as critical as in Quake or Unreal.

Blog Plans for 2022

 

There is no reason for this screenshot to be here other than its hilarity.

So this blog started back in 2013 as a medium to post my creative projects, mainly my music and writings. Since then, it's evolved somewhat, becoming sort of a Something Awful front page lite in 2015, and then recently turning into more of a video game review site. My output has waned from my highpoint in 2015, when I manged 163 posts, but I'm a lot busier nowadays, and sometimes instead of writing I'd rather zone out and play video games. I'd like to keep this project going, however, and I don't want to see my output peter out like it did in 2017, when I only posted 60 times. Therefore, I'm setting some goals for this blog in an effort to give it a little more time and respect. Here are the main ones.

-post 10 times a month.

-include one piece of new music per month.

-continue some of my long-running series, like the Conan Brothers, Farmer's Only Profiles, and Batman and Robin's Political Debates.

-post a game review per month.

-include an excerpt from whatever novel I'm working on (hah).

-keep that bad poetry flowing.

-do a weightlifting post per month.

-try to keep this fun.

I'd love to bring back the Pointless Podcast, a podcast so pointless and vulgar that we had to discontinue it; however, I doubt that I have the time, and that I'd be able to find willing participants, and there's always the specter of saying something unfortunate that is preserved forever on the net. So that's what you, dear reader, can look forward to this coming year. May it be a better year than the last two.

Cyberpunk 2077 Impressions

 

The character models are insanely detailed in this game.

Cyberpunk 2077 is a Bethesda game with a better story and cast of characters. Just like the Elder Scrolls and Fallout, there are plenty of glitches and jank. If you park your car in the middle of the street, a half-mile traffic jam will form. If you have a hostile interaction with one character in an alley, any nearby NPCs might crouch down and cover their heads in mass like someone just told them to duck and cover. You can steal any car without any consequences. Combat is awkward and consists of pumping bullet after bullet into spongy enemies that don't seem to have much in the way of AI. But I'll be damned if this game doesn't have an incredible presentation. Conversations proceed in a natural way instead of the freeze-frame weirdness of Fallout or Skyrim. The environments look to be pulled from Blade Runner, and the artistry is so impressive that I can't help but to be pulled into the world. Jackie is perhaps the most likeable gangsta buddy in video game history. Johnny Silverhand is a douche, but I want to know why he forswore the rock star life to become a terrorist. In short, if you give the game a chance and become a willful participant in the illusion, Cyberpunk is as engrossing an experience as you'll find in computer entertainment. If you lift up its skirt and try to break the illusion, however, you'll come away disappointed. Despite its reputation as a system-melter, I've found Cyberpunk to run pretty well. Using Digital Foundry's optimized settings (found here) my Ryzen 7 3700x, 5700 xt power PC runs it around 60 frames per second at 1440p. Obviously a year of optimizations have almost certainly made Cyberpunk a better experience now than on launch. If you have a decent system or a next gen console, don't be afraid. Just don't expect the second coming of Half-Life or Deus Ex.

Screenshots below:

Pointless Venture's Games of the Year

Despite the continuation of the pandemic, 2021 was a great year for games. It was a perfect year to catch up on some great titles of the recent past (Red Dead Redemption 2; Shadow of the Tomb Raider; Hades) as well as enjoying a few excellent new releases (Forza Horizon 5; Resident Evil Village). Before I give my picks, I'm going to list every single title I played this year.

What I played (An asterisk signifies to completion)

Amid Evil*

Shadow of the Tomb Raider*

Resident Evil 3 Remake*

Doom Eternal Ancient Gods Part 2*

Red Dead Redemption 2*

Control*

Crysis Remastered*

Resident Evil Village*

Hades

Assassin's Creed Odyssey

Iron Fury

Quake Remastered

Deathloop*

Master Chief Collection

Halo 4*

Forza Horizon 5

Halo Infinite*

That's seventeen titles, and probably a record for me, with only six titles not played to completion. Of those six games I didn't beat, I spent almost twenty hours or more on each of them with the exceptions of Quake and Iron Fury, so it's not like I just launched them for fifteen minutes and then never played them again. So yeah, my 2021 was spent playing a lot of video games, for what it's worth. Anyway, here are my top titles.

Game of the Year: Red Dead Redemption 2

A gorgeous, ninety-hour epic Western, Red Dead 2 is unlike any game I've ever played. I'm glad that I waited until I had a decent enough system to play it in its full glory. Probably the best single player game I've ever played, as far as atmosphere and story go, as it dethroned the Witcher 3 in my personal ranking. Definitely give it a shot if you're into Westerns or simulated third-person action adventures.

Best shooter: Halo Infinite

Halo's campaign isn't the strongest in the series, but it's a return to form after Halo 4 (and 5, apparently, though I still haven't played it). 343 finally nailed the sandbox combat that forms Halo's gameplay loop, and the grappling hook and open world are excellent additions. However, the end of the game suffers from repeating Forerunner sections, as though 343 were referencing Halo CE. The multiplayer is the most fun I've had in years. An arena shooter with a diverse array of guns and gametypes (although fewer than previous Halos), there's nothing like dominating in a game of tactical Slayer. The only game on this list I'll undoubtedly still be playing next year.

Best Atmosphere: Resident Evil Village

An incredibly spooky tour de force of the genre's classic milieu, Resident Evil Village has a story that descends into incomprehensibility for anyone not heavily invested in the long running series. That didn't keep me from enjoying the hell out of its mishmash of high-brow artistry and low-brow horror schlock. Also worth mentioning that this is an amazing looking game that runs excellently.

Best Game I didn't Finish: Tie between Hades and Forza Horizon 5

I got to Hades himself, but by that time I had tired of the repetitive format of the rougelite genre. Still, I boot Hades up from time to time, still somewhat committed to finishing off the king of hell. As for Forza, I plan on returning to it after running through Halo Infinite on Legendary difficulty. It's such a huge game that I'll probably take a while.

So that's it for 2021. As for 2022, Elden Ring is the only thing on my radar at the moment, so we'll see that next year brings.

 

 

Halo Infinite Review

 

Infinite is a beautiful game. Unfortunately, that beauty comes at a cost.

Halo Infinite is this year's Doom Eternal. It's an unexpected revival of a great gaming series, and like last year's Doom, Master Chief is powered by a litany of specialized weapons and a grappling hook. Infinite's big idea is an open world Halo; thankfully, 343 didn't copy Ubisoft and litter the map with collectables and trivial fights. There are marines to rescue and bases to capture, but they're scattered amongst your main objectives. The main inspiration seems to be the Silent Cartographer level from Halo CE. You'll spend this game trudging through mountain forests and Forerunner Dungeons, although I can say the level design is better than CE, thankfully. Since I didn't play Halo 5, I'm only vaguely aware of the plot, but apparently a lot went on in-between games. Spoiler: Cortana is dead, and the Chief's new companion is called the Weapon, who's basically Cortana, but naive and optimistic. I did appreciate the new dynamic between Chief and the Weapon, which is more father-daughter than whatever the hell was going on in between him and Cortana in Halo 4. Anyway, new bad guys the Banished are basically just the Covenant. They are composed of the same grunts, jackals, elites, and brutes, and they're just as fun to fight as in previous games. New to the series are multiple boss fights, and although many of these guys are bullet sponges, I had a good time hunting them down in the open world. Master Chief's abilities are well-implemented, and I ended up using the grapple and shield wall frequently. The arsenal is pretty awesome; my favorites were the shock rifle, which stuns enemies and can arc electricity between nearby foes, and the Skewer, a brute version of the Spartan Laser that impales your foes. All told, the campaign is good fun, and one of the longer Halo games. My only complaint comes from the technical side of things. The engine that powers Infinite doesn't seem particularly scalable; on my 3700x and 5700 xt powered system, which happens to be the recommended rig, I frequently encountered stutters and frame drops, especially in the open world. Messing with settings, I was able to keep my framerate around 60 fps at 1440p by keeping most settings at High but dropping Geometry, Shadows, and Effects to Medium. Running the game on the  Series S, I noticed some pretty bad resolution scaling, as the game struggled to hit 60 at 1080p. Turning on resolution scaling is more noticeable on PC, in my opinion, so I'd recommend not playing with it on, especially since it's bugged and only works when you lock the frame rate to your refresh rate and use the in game vysnc. I can't play without Freesync; anything else just feels stuttery. So anyways, if you're a fan of FPS games, subscribe to Gamepass and give Infinite a try. It's my game of the year.

New Music: Sell Me A Dream

 

I wrote this song a couple of years back. It's a jaunty, almost swing-like piano piece with a crooning vocal, and it has always reminded me of a show-tune, but now that I've recorded it, I don't know what to make of it. Definitely not a typical TPM song, which is why it's special. As for the arrangement, it is composed of a drum loop, piano, mellow keys, and an upright bass, all done in Reason Essentials. Easily one of the best pieces of software I've ever purchased, and if I did more electronic music, I'd splurge for the full product.

Forza Horizon 5: Halo Infinite Multiplayer

I've never been a car guy. For a decade, I drove a PT Cruiser for chrissakes. However, that doesn't mean that I'm immune to that particularly American fantasy, that of wide open roads meant to be traveled by gleaming hot rods capable of blistering speed. Forza Horizon 5 brings that fantasy to life, albeit through an idealized recreation of Mexico. You'll amass cars by random chance (earn enough accolade points and you literally spin a wheel to win some dream machine nobody anywhere close to my income bracket could ever hope to drive), barn finds, and prizes earned by winning races. There's a whole mini-game featuring car tweaking which I haven't touched, not being a gear head, but the sim aspects are light enough that you can literally just drive and have a good time. The game looks phenomenal, other than a few low res textures, and it really is the best low-stress time you can have with a game pad. I don't have a whole lot to say about Forza Horizon 5 other than just play it and have a good time.

Halo Infinite's free to play multiplayer is the most fun I've had with a multiplayer game since, well, Halo 3. 343 have brought back the feeling of classic Bungie Halo, and I've had a hell of a time reacquainting myself with the Needler, Battle Rifle, and Ghost. There aren't a lot of maps yet, but they are well-designed, with Live Fire and Behemoth being my favorites so far. It also runs like a dream at 1440p and High settings. The whole Battlepass controversy doesn't matter much to me; I don't really care about customizing my Spartan beyond changing the color of my armor. That being said, the choice to launch without a way of picking your gametype is pretty lame. Oddball is fun every so often, but I want to play Slayer, damn it! Crazy to think way back in 1999 I could boot up Unreal Tournament or Quake and not only pick my gametype, but also chose my map and the server. This post-matchmaking world we live in isn't too friendly to gamer choice. All the same, I'm loving the multiplayer and can't wait for the campaign to drop this week.