Friday, January 6, 2017

Conan Brothers Q&A


PalpsforPrez asks "Rogue One: what's the verdict?"

Arnold: One and a half thumbs up.

Dave: What's the conversion of stars to thumbs?

Arnold: It's the same rate as unicorns to jelly beans.

Dave: Oh, okay.

Arnold: It was a good movie. Probably the first Star Wars movie since the Empire Strikes Back that wasn't really for kids. People die in this movie, dude. Like, everybody.

Dave: I always rate my movies by how many people get blown away. So First Blood: Part Two is the greatest movie of all time, if you all were wondering.

Arnold: Well duh. Regarding Rogue One, CGI Peter Cushing looked bad. CGI Leia, I didn't even notice.

Dave: Resurrecting dead actors using computer graphics is something I'd think Lucas would've considered. I don't know why they just didn't recast the roles. It's not like some Star Wars neophyte is going to watch Rogue One and then A New Hope and not notice that they were obviously filmed during different eras.

Arnold: The first thing they'll wonder is why Darth Vader turned into such a bitch in between films. In Rogue One, he's tossing rebels into the ceiling with the Force, whereas in A New Hope, he can barely keep up with Obi-Wan in a geriatrics's lightsaber duel.

Dave: Yeah, you can tell Lucas rewrote Vader's role in the original trilogy. In the first Star Wars movie, he's taking orders from Tarkin and is basically an enforcer. By Empire, he's commanding a giant Star Destroyer and Force choking Admirals left and right.

Arnold: So a thumb and half is what we're rating it?

Dave: Plus three stars and a unicorn.

Arnold: While we're on the subject, what is your definitive ranking of the Star Wars movies? I know you just did a rewatch.

Dave: In order from best to worst. Empire Strikes Back, A New Hope, Return of the Jedi, Rogue One, The Force Awakens, Revenge of the Sith, Attack of the Clones, The Phantom Menace.

Arnold: The prequel trilogy is hard to watch, especially The Phantom Menace. That movie has no characters in it.

Dave: It's pretty hard to act in front of a green screen, or so I've heard.

...

JohnCenasLeftThigh asks "What can I do to get my deadlift up to 600 lbs?"

Arnold: I don't know, you tell me.

Dave: We have a plan in place. It consists of doing pulls three times a week with the rep range dependent on how you feel. When I say pulls, I mean lower body dominant pulls, so power cleans, deadlifts, and snatches instead of pullups or rows. Obviously to add a lot of weight to your deadlift, you need a lot of volume; however, you have to be cognizant of burning out your back. Push your reps maxes in the 2 to 5 rep range, and get your volume with lighter lifts like power cleans. Grease the groove. Every once in a while add a light day with a ton of volume. I did 320 for 30 reps the other day, and I couldn't believe how sore my traps were the next day. So yeah, there's the outline of a plan.

Arnold: You call that a plan? That's a fucking incomprehensible mess.

Dave: That's how I run my life, Arnold. You should know that by now.

Arnold: If you want a periodized routine, go find one on the internet. I've never done very well on those type of programs, though.

Dave: At some point, you need to figure out what works for you. Programming isn't magic.

 ...

KillJill asks "What are your new year's resolutions?"

Arnold: Continue being a sexual tyrannosaurus.

Dave: Journey to the center of the earth.

Arnold: Go on a one man mission to Mars.

Dave: Stop global warming.

Arnold: Expose the Reptilian plot to control planet earth.

Dave: I thought you didn't believe in Reptilians.

Arnold: I believe whatever I want to believe. It's 2017, baby. Welcome to Trump's America.

Dave: Somebody save us, please.

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