Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Thoughts on Matt Bell's Appleseed


There's a certain attitude in the environmental movement that everything would be better, perhaps, if humanity would just disappear. This reaction is understandable, given the ecological damage we are witnessing: oceans clogged with plastic, forests on fire, species vanishing at an unprecedented rate. It is a conclusion, however, that I find incredibly shortsighted and sad. Despite all the devastation we've unleashed, we've also created a lot that has value, from music and art to empathy and philosophy. If the human race disappeared tomorrow, it would certainly be an extinction as terrible as that of any troubled ecosystem. And that is why, despite the beautiful writing and the rather engaging plot, I'm having trouble finishing Matt Bell's Appleseed

There are three concurrent stories in Appleseed: one follows a faun and his brother as they plant apple seedlings in the American Midwestern frontier during the 1800's; another tracks a group of eco-terrorists led by a former scientist named John as they plan to sabotage a powerful corporation called Earthtrust as it attempts to remake a climate-ravaged world; while the third tale tells of a cyborg creature struggling to traverse a planet covered in ice as he carries the world's last living tree growing from his body. This is creative stuff; Bell has a great imagination and eye for natural beauty, and his flowing descriptions of the idyllic American wilderness evoke a great deal of sympathy for all that has been lost in the settling of this continent. His bleak depiction of a future America that has become almost unlivable also garners heavy emotions. Here's the thing, though; this book doesn't exactly have a happy ending, unless you consider the extinction of the human race to be a good thing, over all. We have failed in our stewardship, is Bell's message, and perhaps it would be better if we stopped trying to control things and just let nature heal. The book's antagonist, Eury Mirov, wants to delay the rising planetary temperature by releasing self-replicating nanobots into the atmosphere to distribute sunlight-blocking aerosols. She gains this sort of power by essentially buying half of the United States and depriving former American citizens of their citizenship in exchange for refuge and employment at Earthtrust headquarters, a carefully controlled surveillance agro-state populated by genetically engineered plants and animals. Eury is definitely a megalomaniac corporate egoist, but her idea to save the planet isn't necessarily a bad one, despite the feelings of John and his fellow terrorists. A drastic technological solution to climate change will almost certainly be required, since the world shows no real signs of slowing its ravenous appetite for energy. Things are far bleaker in Appleseed than they are likely to be in the future, yet the book's speculation is plausible enough to be distressing. I actually don't know if I can finished the last twenty-five pages or so. I don't know what that says about the novel or myself. The apocalypse always seems to be on the horizon lately, given the state of the world. I say this despite the fact that is is far better to be a human being in 2021 than almost any other time in human history. Still, we know too much, and the last few years have shaken my faith in human progress. The Atlantic recently had a profile on Boris Johnson in which he states that progress isn't a straight line. I think he's right.

If you have the stomach for it, Appleseed is an excellent read. If you're bogged down by bad news, then perhaps you should stay away. What a glowing endorsement, eh?

Friday, September 24, 2021

New Video: Judy Is A Punk

 


A straight cover of my favorite Ramones song. That chug-chug-chug guitar rhythm is deceptively simple. Pulling it off with all downstrokes takes a little practice. As this year winds down, I'm looking to cover a couple more songs and then call it quits covering other people's material. It's been fun, but I haven't written anything in a while.

Monday, September 20, 2021

My Least Favorite Songs of the Grunge Era

 

Just a bunch of cool dudes hanging out.

Disclaimer: Some of these song are by my favorite bands. The 90's was the last time rock and roll reigned supreme. I am nostalgic for that scene. That being said, I'm not a fan of the following songs.


1) Possum Kingdom by the Toadies. "Do you want to die?" No motherfucker, I don't! Despite its obvious pop merits, the lyrics of this classic seem to be referring to a sexual assault, and although I doubt the writer was intending it to be some sort of rape anthem, I can't help but turn the dial when this tune comes on.

2) Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam. Eddie's voice is real hit or miss for me, and this one's a definite whiff. I have no idea what this dude is a saying. All I hear is a hobo gargling chestnuts while singing out of the sides of his mouth. Guitar work is stellar, though.

3) Sex Type Thing by Stone Temple Pilots. Yeah, it's got a killer riff, and lead singer Scott Weiland is quoted saying "I never thought that people would ever seriously think that I was an advocate of date rape" but come on man, you're singing in the first person, what do you think the meatheads are going to think? The problem with satire is that people are too dumb to know what's a parody and what isn't. Weiland was a talented singer, but he had a habit of pulling an Eddie Vedder, although at least you can understand what he's saying most of the time.

4) Glycerine by Bush. I fucking hate Bush. They can be summed up as a British Nirvana rip-off without any of the punk stylings or songwriting chops that made the Seattle rockers interesting. Glycerine is a grunge power ballad. Like everything Bush did, it sucks.

5) You Know You're Right by Nirvana. The last song recorded by the band before Cobain's death, You Know You're Right honestly sounds like something Nickelback wrote. Okay, it's not that bad, but Kurt's singing almost sounds like a caricature, sort of like how Elvis started over-emphasizing certain vocal tics in his Vegas days. Pretty much the only Nirvana song I'll immediately turn off.

6) Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins. This shit sounds like emo. Billie's voice is an acquired taste, yet it's the teenage confessional quality of the lyrics that really make me hurl. Another ill-advised alt-power ballad.

7) You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette. Okay, Alanis was not for me. Every woman my age holds her in high regard. I really don't have a lot of problems with the song, it's the goddamn vocals that get me. I don't think there's anyone else in music that has a more piercing voice than Alanis Morisette. If you want to kill your dog as painfully as possible, then I'd imagine blaring You Oughta Know at an excessive volume would do the trick.

8) Prison Sex by Tool. What was with the grunge era and rape? According the Wikipedia, this song might be about lead singer Maynard James Keenan's abuse suffered at the hands of his stepfather. That's fucking terrible; however, so is this song. Christ, reading the lyrics makes me want to vomit.

9) Nookie by Limp Bizkit. Can you think of another song that exemplifies the runaway misogyny of the late 90's better than Nookie? 14 year old me ate it up at the time, because teenage boys' brains aren't fully developed and all those budding hormonal urges can manifest as resentment toward the opposite sex. By far the worst song on this list. Shit, it barely qualifies as music. If you put a bunch of handicapped chimpanzees in a room and forced them to play guitar, the results would likely be far more listenable.

10) Thunder Kiss '65 by White Zombie. Man, I almost took this one back after watching the video, which is awesome. That being said, I have no idea what Rob is saying. Duh duh duh da-duh da duh! Thunder kiss baby! Mr. Zombie's tuneless vocal ejaculate spews over the most unmusical heavy metal possible. At least it grooves!

Friday, September 10, 2021

Impressions of A Cincinnati Episode of AEW Dynamite

 

--University of Cincinnati's Fifth Third Center is a nice venue to see a show at. There's a lot of parking and you get to admire the campus. Seeing college kids walking around made me realize how long ago those days were. They all looked like children! Time is a bitch, eh?

--We caught a glimpse of Jon Moxley in a loading area as we were walking to the show, and he's a bigger guy than he looks on TV. We were lucky enough with our seating to actually be filmed as he walked through the crowd in his hometown.

--Best match of the night was Pac versus Andrade, which will air on Friday during Rampage rather than Dynamite. I've always been a fan of Pac (his shirt was my first wrestling shirt) but I didn't realize how good Andrade is, having tuned out of NXT when he was champ. The dude is crazy athletic, and he and Pac put on a clinic. He also has an insanely wide back.

--It's so much fun going to a show with a hot crowd. Our first show in Indianapolis was early in AEW's life, and the crowd was just not as into it. Pretty much anybody who anybody got cheered. Malachi Black got cool heel cheers over Dustin Rhodes, but their match was good enough that Dustin got the sympathy of the crowd (guy's pushing fifty and he can still go). There was a small segment that cheered only heels, which was kind of funny. Guess they've been to too many WWE shows.

--There is a certain aroma that is native to a gathering of several thousand people in an indoor arena that stays with you for a while, even after you've left. I call it "unwashed wrestling fan." It is not pleasant.

--Really every segment was entertaining. I only got up for a bathroom break during a Dark Order tag match. The most pleasant quality about this roster is that there are very few people who aren't watchable.

--Only big names we missed were Jericho, Cody, and Miro. Punk, Brian Danielson, Pac, Andrade, Christian, the Elite, Moxley, Britt Baker, Malachi Black, and MJF were all in attendance.

--Not much else to say other than it was good fun. Our first post-Covid outing. Will definitely come again to another AEW show.  


Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Hades versus Assassin's Creed Odyssey

 

Hades is an incredibly addictive rougelike set in the Greek underworld. You play as Zagreus, the son of Hades, who is attempting to escape to the world of the living. Beautifully animated and full of gods and vanquished heroes, Hades has a fairly compelling story which is basically a dysfunctional family drama. The lord of the underworld, you see, has forbidden his son to leave, and so every time he dies (you'll die a lot, it's a rougelike), Zagreus has to walk past his grumpy workaholic dad, who has a quip or putdown ready for his rebellious son. The voice acting and writing are excellent, especially for an indie, but this is Supergiant of Bastion fame, so enough said. Gameplay consists of hack and slash combat in randomized dungeons based in four locales (you start on the lowest level, Tartarus). What makes Hades really fun is that Zagreus's build can vary drastically between playthroughs depending on what gods you encounter. The Olympians want to meet Zagreus, and can't help but stick their heads in his business, so they lend their aid by way of Boons, which can greatly determine your success or failure. Zeus can make your Dash movement shoot lightning, whereas Artemus can buff your critical chance. One of my favorites is Poseidon's Tidal Dash, which knocks enemies away from you and often send them into a trap or lava pit. It's all great, addictive fun, and I haven't touched Assassin's Creed Odyssey for a couple days because I can't stop playing. Rougelikes aren't a genre I've ever been interested in, but seeing how everyone has been singing this game's praises for over a year, I think most people will likely enjoy Hades.


I haven't played an Assassin's Creed game since Assassin's Creed 2. Odyssey seems to share much more in common with the Witcher 3 than its earliest predecessors, which is fine by me, since I enjoyed the Witcher 3 far more than those games. It's basically a Greek mercenary simulator, complete with naval combat and a fighting system more similar to Dark Souls than Assassin's Creed 1 or 2. It is also gorgeous and requires a decent system to run on max settings at 1440p. Still, after having finished Red Dead 2 not that long ago, the prospect of slogging through another 90 hour game isn't appealing at the moment, which is why, perhaps, Hades has my attention. That being said, if you've missed out on the Assassin's Creed series for several years, you might be surprised how much they've moved toward open-world RPG territory. There's not a whole lot on my plate for the rest of the year gamewise, other than Deathloop and Halo Infinite, so I'm sure I'll return to Odyssey after my interest in Hades wains.

Conan Brothers Q&A

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