The Esteemed Critic Reviews Fast Times at Ridgemont Time; The Wheel of Time

 

Remember working a menial job in fast food while being constantly distracted by your raging hormones and your inability to express yourself to the opposite sex? Fast Times at Ridgemont High remembers. Capturing a little slice of high school for some California teens, Fast Times chronicles a by-gone age, when teenagers were raised to be independent and had to figure out shit for themselves, like the consequences of being perpetually stoned or having unprotected sex. For a coddled, internet-addicted teen of the modern era, the freedom and misadventures of the Fast Times cast probably seem unbelievable. Parents really let their kids roam about without constant supervision? They drove their own cars? They had... sex!! Yes, people, this is an accurate depiction of the pre-internet adolescent experience. Although the Critic isn't as old as Sean Penn, I grew up in the late nineties and aughts, and we had a considerable amount of leeway. We also had to work so that we had spending money, because there were no such things as Netflix, smartphones, or X Box Live. Get the fuck off my lawn, Zoomers! You know you're getting old when you're waxing about the glory days as though you weren't as miserable as every other teenager. Fast Times features a great cast, including Sean Penn in his defining roll as Spicoli, a pot-brained jokester that just can't seem to catch a break from his History teacher. Jennifer Jason Leigh, Phobe Cates, and Judge Reinhold are other notable actors getting their big break, along with Forrest Whitaker as a football star. Unlike many other teen comedies, Fast Times features females characters with actual arcs, and although there's nudity, it's done in a realistic manner (other than, of course, Phobe Cates topless scene). Props to writer Cameron Crow for including an abortion plotline that doesn't moralize and judge. Highly recommended (Also, the soundtrack is sick).

The Critic has slowly been making his way through Robert Jordan's epic fantasy series The Wheel of Time for over two years, and I have some things to say about Amazon's television adaptation, which is currently in its second season. Jordon's series is incredibly long and very dense, and so it is understandable that the showrunners have decided to rearrange his various plotlines and trim certain sections and characters. However, the amount of rewriting that has went on is considerable, to the point where as a reader of the books, I am often legitimately surprised, albeit in a disappointing way. Great fantasy adaptations keep the spirit of what they're adapting: Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings isn't a perfect conversion of Tolkein's classic novels from print to screen, but the main story is intact, as are all of his themes. Similarly, the first five seasons of Game of Thrones very closely follow George R. R. Martin's books; only in the later seasons, when they ran out of material, did the show lose its focus. The Wheel of Time is more The Witcher than peak Game of Thrones. Like the Netflix show, The Wheel of Time just doesn't take its source material seriously enough to avoid offending book readers, many of whom have waited a long time for Jordan's novels to be adapted. Don't piss off the people who are guaranteed to at least check out your show, you fools! Season two is better so far, and the casting is good enough that I'll keep watching for a few more, but I can't help but conclude that it's a tragedy that the showrunners weren't more respectful of Jordan's work, which deserves a better treatment. 

Weightlifting: Conventional Deadlift 470 for 2

 

Switching between Sumo, Conventional, and Bent-Over Rows for my deadlift training keeps the PR train rolling, baby! PR sheet also updated with many Bench PRs.

	1RM	2RM	3RM	4RM	5RM	6RM	7RM	8RM	9RM	10RM
Low Bar Squat	415	380	365	350	360		340	320		315
High Bar Squat	390	365	350	345	340		315	320		300
High Bar Squat (Paused)	365		315
High Bar Squat (No Belt)	365	335	325	325	330			285		250
Front Squat	315	300	300	275	270	255	245	225	215	225
Bench Press	315	290	280	275	265	260	255	245	240	235
Bench Press (Paused)	300	275	265	255	245	240	235	230
Overhead Press	195	185	175	170	170	160	155	150	140	145
Deadlift	510	470	455	425	410	415	410	390	365	360
Deadlift (No Belt)	460		435			400			365	340
Sumo Deadlift	420	435	405	405	410					315
Clean	235	225	220	195
Push Press	230	205	205	195	185
Incline Press (low angle)	255	245		225	235	225	215	210		205
Close Grip	290	275	270	265	255	250	240	235	230	230

Bad Poetry, Forever

Never read it.

 

To a Woman

How do you describe

the feeling

of seeing a memory transform

into a person

as old and weathered 

as you are?

In my head

You are forever

Sixteen.

I don't feel sixteen;

I feel the cloudy haze

of collapsed memory

of time reconstructed

into palatable forms.

Seeing is not 

Just believing.

It is being

and we often forget

how to be.

 

To My Old Dogs 

I love you guys,

You mangy mutts,

You incorrigible old consumers of 

the inedible.

Over the years

You've eaten socks,

Asian pears,

Lego bricks,

A latex glove,

Carrots from my garden,

and a condom found in the park.

I used to have to steer Lily through the neighborhood

Like a rabid tiger,

Always looking over my shoulder

For other pitbulls.

I remember trying to walk you in Cincinnati

When in was negative fifteen outside

And how the snow formed on Napoleon's feet

in icy slivers.

I remember Lily barking out the window

At the homeless man

When we drove to Vermont,

I recall how Po foamed at the mouth

as a pup

because I let a little girl watch him 

for a hot minute.

You once fit in a box,

You old goat.

Lily had muscles

like a bull

But now she is a bony ghoul

Who gets stuck under the table

Or beneath the fence.

Her head sags and her eye

bleeds,

And I am left with a gaping hole

Where my young dogs used to be.

Am I being patient

Or am I not letting go?

Why must the responsibility

Lie with me?

I guess I always was the one

Who took you on walks.

May we walk forever

In the netherworld

Bound not by the conventions

Of memory

Or time.

I love 

Both of you.

 

Jedi Survivor Patch 7 PC Performance Analysis

 

Jedi Survivor might be my game of the year if Balder's Gate 3 hadn't come out. Nevertheless, it loses points for performance issues, many of which have not be resolved even after 7 patches. While it's commendable that the developers haven't abandoned the game, Survivor shouldn't have been released with the poor CPU utilization that it currently suffers from, since even with a Ryzen 7 5800x, a CPU that's at least 20 percent faster than what's in the current gen consoles, one can't obtain a smooth frametime graph in Jedi. My little video examines Survivor's performance in the Koboh area, which is the worst offender performance-wise.

Weightlifting: Bench Press 290 for 2; Sumo Deadlift 410 for 5

 

Hybrid Sumo is pretty cool and I think I really want to push this deadlift style, since it suits my build. I did strain my left glute after doing this set of deadlifts, but it feels fine today, so no harm, no foul. Benching is progressing slowly but surely. If only I could figure out my squat...

	1RM	2RM	3RM	4RM	5RM	6RM	7RM	8RM	9RM	10RM
Low Bar Squat	415	380	365	350	360		340	320		315
High Bar Squat	390	365	350	345	340		315	320		300
High Bar Squat (Paused)	365		315
High Bar Squat (No Belt)	365	335	325	325	330			285		250
Front Squat	315	300	300	275	270	255	245	225	215	225
Bench Press	315	290	280	275	265	260	250	245	240	235
Bench Press (Paused)	300	275	265	255	245	240		225
Overhead Press	195	185	175	170	170	160	155	150	140	145
Deadlift	510	460	455	425	410	415	410	390	365	360
Deadlift (No Belt)	460		435			400			365	340
Sumo Deadlift	420	405	405	405	410					315
Clean	235	225	220	195
Push Press	230	205	205	195	185
Incline Press (low angle)	255	245		225	235	225	215	210		205
Close Grip	290	275	265	265	255	250	240	235	230	230

Baldur's Gate 3, 25 Hours in

 

Baldur's Gate 3 is essentially Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition, the computer game. Having learned DnD during the pandemic, this is a major selling point, and developers Larian have pulled off their first Triple-A game, with the resulting success placing them into the upper echelon of RPG developers, an impressive feat for a studio that was mainly known for the hardcore turn-based series Divinity: Original Sin. In fact, there really isn't anyone making an RPG of this scale and detail; sure, Starfield launches in a couple of days, but Bethesda titles are exploration first-person-shooters, not character driven role-playing games. Bioware is a shadow of its former self, and while CD Projekt Red is still making games like the Witcher and Cyberpunk, they've never made a hardcore, turn-based RPG. So Baldur's Gate 3 fills a void and will likely be one of the best-selling titles of the year.

So how is the game? Well, in short, it's really fucking good. Your character wakes up in a Nautiloid with a Mindflayer parasite in their head, and after an impressive opening featuring dimension hopping and dragon riders, you crash land in the first major hub area and are soon involved in a dispute between Tiefling refugees and druids. The latter's grove is under assault by goblins who are being led by three Chosen, big bosses who also possess a mindflayer parasite in their skulls. As you navigate the world, you'll find a memorable cast of characters, with my favorites being Karlach, a barbarian tiefling with an infernal engine in her chest, and Astarion, a posh vampire Rogue who's good at lockpicking and disappearing into the shadows. All characters have a detailed backstory and a personal quest, just like a vintage Bioware game, and you'll have the option of pursuing relationships with them. Gameplay proceeds just like a DnD session, with frequent skill checks in dialogue popping up, as well as during exploration. A twenty-sided dice appears on the screen, and you click it to roll, with your proficiency and any other bonuses being added after the fact. It's really cool and helps to sell the DnD fantasy. Combat is also very reminiscent of DnD, with initiative rolls to start off, and everything proceeding turn by turn. If you've played Divinity: Original Sin 2, Baldur's Gate 3 may seem like a high-budget 5e mod, which isn't a bad thing, since that game was also very good. The powerful DnD license is put to excellent use, with the full suite of classes available at the start (I picked a half-elf sorcerer with the storm sorcery subclass). The character creator is pretty powerful, and you'll probably spend a decent amount of time tinkering with it. Regarding exploration, so far I've explored a druid grove, a goblin-infested dungeon, the brilliant Underdark, and an evil swamp inhabited by a nasty hag, who'll give you one of your toughest fights. 

As far as performance goes, Baldur's Gate 3 is pretty good so far, although the titular city is apparently pretty tough on the CPU (I'm nowhere close to the third act). DLSS upscaling is available, and with its Quality option toggled on and everything else at Ultra, my 3080 and 5800x based PC hits a steady 100 fps at 1440p. The game's graphics aren't state of the art, but they're very detailed for a large RPG, with the dialogue sections standing out with some detailed character work.

If you have any interest in RPGs or DnD, Baldur's Gate 3 is a must-by. Although I've played a lot of high quality games this year, I think Balder's Gate will likely take the top-spot, since Starfield looks like a typical Bethesda game, and Jedi Survivor is still a technical mess. Kudos to Larian for vaulting to the very top of the gaming world by making the exact game they wanted to make.

Screenshots below: