I found dis here photo on teh inteweb, not sure if it is Uncle Thom after New Years or Nick Nolte.
Greetins and salutations, all you intenet trolls! Dis is teh Goon and I'm here to bring well wishes and sieg heels from teh basket full of deplorables, aka teh wilderness folks. When I last talked to yas, I was bringing up all teh good points fer voting fer teh two candidates, Hellery Clinton, and Supreme Leader Trump. Welp, I ended up making a choice! I voted fer Mr. Trump 'cause he's fer white folks and I don't know no colored people 'cept Snup Dog and Hernando, and teh latter is really an alien from Venus or some place, which explains why he don't know nothin' bout Cinco Dey Mio or any of them udder Mexican holidays. Lest you think that teh Goon is racist, lemme ask yu somethin: Is it racist to be fer ur own particular brand of person? I liek to think taht it ain't, 'cause how can yu be racist against ur own mudder and fadder? I'm sorry, i think I lost myself somewhere out there in teh great blu yonder. I was tryin to repeat somethin Uncle Thom told me, but like most of his gibberish, it went out one ear an into another. It was Uncle Thomm who convinced me taht Hellery was truly teh devil, because she murder some guy named BenGayZee and stole all teh emails in teh world. Also, Uncle Thom said she was a woman an' he ain't know no woman taht could ever operate anything more complicated tehh a toster oven, though usually when he has a woman, he puts her in teh pit till she's good and ready, so I don't think he's really using much of a sample size. Plus, Sumpreme Leader Trump said he was going to give all teh white people teh Meixcans jobs but with better wages and tickets to teh Toby Keith concert. I told Thom he could have my tickets. I think Toby Keith ain't worth a bag of penises.
So now taht Trump is Supreme Leader, I suppose taht makes us teh evil Empire like in Star Wars. I tell ya, I am really lookin forward to becoming a Stormtruppen an havin a blaster rifle. I just hopes it hits something, 'cause in teh movies tehy couldn't hit teh broad side of a barn. I would also kinda liek to be a jedi but I guess I can't because teh jedi are all extinct or something. I talked to Hernando 'bout it an he said taht when his people come in teh space ship, tehy'll beem me up and make me a Force wizard an give me all teh candy in teh world. I said "alright," 'cause I really don't have nothing better to do but watch teh world burn.
Thares been a lot of negitivity in 2016. I hope teh Supreme Leader helps us get over it. Sometimes I have dreams where I'm a giant baby held in captivity. I has orange hair and a poopy diaper and I smell something awful. I wunder what it all means. I wunder what any of it means. Here's to 2017. Let's hope teh rebels don't blow up teh death star an get us all killed.