Monday, June 18, 2018

Red Pill Steve "More Bannon than Bannon" Bannon On Masculinity

This is totally what I look like. Haters gonna hate.

Alright, cucks, this is Red Pill Steve, and I'll be writing a regular column on Pointless Venture in the interest of being fair and balanced and all that shit. If you want to know who I am, let it be known that I am the manliest man that ever manned, and I've banged like a million chicks, and I spend my days chopping down trees and logical fallacies perpetrated by the soy-fed masses, who will one day drive the human race to extinction with their complete devotion to pussyness and being pussy-whipped. Despite what my critics say, I never have and never will live in my mom's basement. In fact, I don't have a mom. Also, I'm not that Steven Bannon, though I'm basically the same guy and will someday be advisor to a President and have my own terrible web site (but not this one).

Now back in the day, before feminism took all the masculinity out of society, men were real men and not the slackjawed, boy-faced pseudo-males you see all around you talking about comic books and social justice. We used to get to wear suits and drink in the office like Don Draper, and nobody cared about offending anyone, and if you complimented a woman on her bust-size, she didn't immediately run to human resources claiming you were a sexual predator (thanks, Barbara) because that shit hadn't been invented yet. But beta-males were still about, and they've been around since the beginning of time. Let's take a look at some of history's biggest cucks so that we don't magically lose our balls and grow tits.


Thomas Jefferson: I mean, just look at the dude in the above picture. Does he not look like the kind of guy that spends his days defending anime and freedom of speech in games journalism? I guarantee if you asked him a question, he'd look at the ground and mumble incoherently. So he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Big fucking deal. We would've been better as a British Colony, because colonialism was the bomb, and who wouldn't want to have a king instead of a pussy president (with the exception of alpha-male Donald Trump)? Although I do give him points for sleeping with his slaves (it was consensual!) and not conceding to the PC warriors of his day. If you want a better founding father, then look to Aaron Burr. He at least was a man who shot people and tried to form his own crazy country. Or look to ultimate bro Ben Franklin for inspiration, who put bags over the heads of his ladies and did his business while wearing a coonskin cap and brandishing a lightning rod.


Socrates: Ok, I got to give him points for basically being naked. But notice the unkempt beard, which you know he grew to hide his feminine bone structure. As a philosopher, his whole point was "You can't know anything." What a fem-nazi cop out. I'll tell you what I do know, Socrates: you defiled young boys and corrupted the masculinity of the youth of Athens. That's why they killed him. He went out like a total pussy, too, by drinking hemlock instead of insisting upon mortal combat. Good riddance.You want a better philosopher? Try Nietzsche, but only read what r/The_Donald has to say about him, not any of his actual works. Also, try some Ayn Rand, but remember that she was a woman, and so not capable of complex thought.


FDR: FDR was responsible for the modern nanny state, which emasculates men by letting the weak survive. He was also crippled, and he hid that fact from voters, because he knew they wouldn't vote for him otherwise. He was married to lesbo Eleanor, probably the first woman that slept with him. Also, he was totally on the wrong side during WW2. I'll let you guess what side that was.

I mean, I could go on and on about the soy-boys of yesteryear, but my mom left some hot pockets in the microwave, and I don't want to burn my tongue when I bite into them. Also, I'm like totally not racist or any of those other social justice buzzwords. Until next time.

Monday, June 11, 2018

New Music: Love Is What You Can Find

A rare ballad from Theme Park Mistress, first song that I've written in a while. Recorded all the keyboard parts on a hand-me-down instrument that's probably worth about forty bucks.



Monday, June 4, 2018

We Are the Persecuted


We are the persecuted, the beleaguered, the witch-hunted. We suffer dirty looks from the underclasses when we don our MAGA caps, and sometimes, servers will not serve us. We are not free to shout our racial slurs like our Great Leader, because everyone has a smartphone and the internet can destroy a life. Our children call us stupid, brainwashed, and fascist, and though we have disinherited them, the words still hurt. We are shamed for watching Fox News, for taking pride in the American flag, for valuing a good-looking, big-titted white woman over all others. They don't want us to support the troops; they wish the troops were all dead. They wish for a world free of responsibility, a world of racial handouts and reparations and socialized medicine. They want the Deep State to win. They don't understand the travesty of the emails, or the horrors of a pants-suit. They think God is something that died long ago.

They want to tell us how to live. They want to take the Christ out of Christmas and put a Jew or a Kwanzaa man in his place. They want to take our money and give it to the welfare queens who have grown fat off the system, having their ten children with ten different fathers. They want our teenagers to have sex and be gay. They want transexuals to share bathrooms with small children. All of their wants are evil wants, and their God is not a god but the devil himself. For years he reigned, sitting on the shoulder of Obama as he plotted to take away our guns and put us in deathcamps. He sat on the shoulder of Clinton, the great liar, the Whore of Babylon incarnate. Now he has been banished by our Great Leader, and they are not pleased.

We are enjoying the reign of the greatest President of our lives, and they are not happy. They are not happy that he is doing something to stem the tide of illegals pouring through our borders to rape and pillage and deal drugs and hip-hop. They are not happy that he has tried to erase the horror of Obamacare and its deathcamps. They are not happy that his tax cut, which will put so much money back into our pockets, has passed and will become law. They are not happy that he has made the NFL players stand for our national anthem. They try to discredit his accomplishments, and drag him down with the FBI, a Deep State apparatus, part of the Jew-run Illuminati secret cabal that has plotted to destroy America with AIDS and Islam.

We are the resistance, the minority fighting to preserve pride and whiteness and privilege. Our world is different from yours; global warming is a Chinese conspiracy, sexual harassment is a fiction created by ugly women, and Donald Trump is the greatest American ever to live. You cannot convince us otherwise, because we will not listen to anything that you say. Just watch as we take back the land that our forefathers gave us. Just watch as we keep up the good fight. Just watch as the Swamp is drained of alligators, frogs, and human-slime.

Watch as we make America Great Again.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Nerd Column: The Physical Devolution of America

Mark Henry was strong because he was born before the internet.

Currently, there's a reddit thread on r/weightroom in response to an article on 70's Big that states every man can squat 405 lbs. Redditors are falling over themselves to argue against the central point of the article, stating that one has to be on the juice and have a cave-man forehead to be able to lift such monolithic weight. One person states that they've only ever seen someone squat 405 twice in their gym; another says they've been lifting for years and can squat 340 lbs pounds, which must mean 405 is impossible, because they're been trying real hard, supposedly. In 200 plus comments, there may be three or four arguing in favor of the article, which came as a shock to me. 405 is not a lot of weight for an adult man to squat. I squatted 405 lbs after three or four years of training, and I'm certainly not a (genetic) freak. How can all these people spend so much time obsessing over training minutiae and not be at least competent at lifting weights?

My generation was the first internet generation. My family upgraded to high-speed (for the time) internet when I was sixteen years old. Sure, I spent a lot of time playing Counter-Strike and chatting on Messenger, but I also went outside and hiked, lifted weights, and played a few sports. I did work on my family farm. I grew up with the internet, but I never let the internet make me weak. I don't think younger members of my generation had the same experience. Maybe they grew up with atrophied spinal erectors from sitting in a chair all day. Maybe they never developed any muscle on their legs from being inside 24/7. Maybe they never did any manual labor because almost nobody does manual labor in America anymore. Maybe for younger millennials, it really is an impressive feat to squat 405 lbs.

I watch my toddler run around every day like a monkey on speed. He climbs over the couch, hauls his toy car around, pushes the coffee table like a sled. He's strong enough to pick up a gallon of milk with one arm while he's sitting in the seat of a shopping cart. He is a physical, muscular creature, and most of us are born like him. Somehow we lose that simple joy of exercising our bodies. We start complaining about stairs and walking. Our supple frames become loaded with adipose tissue, from the American diet of fat and sloth. We have an excuse for everything. We're just big-boned; we don't metabolize food as efficiently as some people. There's no point in exercising because we just can't lose weight.

How did we get to this point, and are we going to do anything about it?

It's not hard to get in shape. Building a rocket to the moon was hard; losing weight is about eating less garbage and burning more calories. Getting strong is about eating more good food and lifting heavy weights. All the internet bullshit in the world is dancing around those simple points.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Weightlifting: 7/5/3/1 and the Best Protein Shake

Is that a protein shake or a sugary treat from Starbucks?

7/5/3/1 is a 5/3/1 variation where for the first week of the cycle, you do 3 sets of 7, with the last set being a 7-plus set. Basically, I took the deload week and added a few reps and sets. For all practical purposes, 5/3/1 is more like 8/6/3 for me, so perhaps this variation should really be 10/8/6/3. Here's an example, for anyone with no clue what I'm talking about.

Front squat one rep max = 300 lbs.

First week: 115*5, 135*5 (warm up), then 155*7 (50% of 1 rpm), 180*7 (60% ), 195*9 (our hypothetical lifter was able to perform two extra reps).

Second week: warm up, 195*5, 200*5, 210*5+ (70%)

Third week: warm up, 200*3, 210*3, 225*3+ (75%)

Last week: warm up, 210*5, 225*3, 245*1+ (80%)

The percentages I'm using are lower than the actual 5/3/1 program, but you're supposed to start conservative and set rep PRs. I also don't like messing with percentages in general--I was an English major and that's too much goddamn math. Also, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is pushing the weights.

I'd like to also share a protein shake recipe that contains no protein powder. Protein powder is expensive and a rip-off, you're probably not getting the advertised amount of protein. Instead of wasting cash, make this delicious shake (Disclaimer: Do not eat raw eggs. I only do so because I have an iron stomach). Without further ado:

In a blender add 4 eggs, 8 ounces of milk, 8 ounces of Greek yogurt, one banana, and a couple strawberries. The result should be around 47 grams of protein, with very little fat. Enjoy.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Conan Brothers Q&A


NattyJuice405 asks "Bros, what is your training like? We haven't had an update in a while."

Dave: It goes the same as it always goes.

Arnold: Weightlifting isn't an intellectual pursuit. It's about lifting heavy shit. That's why meatheads are good at it.

Dave: But we aren't your average meatheads.

Arnold: We know how to read, write, and bake a meatcake.

Dave: Don't eat his meatcake.

Arnold: I'm currently doing a 5/3/1 variation of my own creation. Behold:

Sunday: Front squat 5/3/1 progression, split squats for 5 sets of 10, calf raises 5 sets of 10.

Tuesday: Bench press 5/3/1, cable rows 5 sets of 10, pressdowns 5 sets of 10.

Thursday: Power clean 5/3/1, leg curl 5 sets of 10, dumbbell good morning 5 sets of 10.

Saturday: Press 5/3/1, chin ups AMAP 5 sets of 5, barbell curl 5 sets of 10.

I do optional upper body stuff throughout the week if I feel like it, curls, side laterals, and so forth. I don't want to particularly think about my training at the moment, so this works.

Dave: I just lift weights.

Arnold: Yeah, well, I'm a special snowflake and you're a piece of poo-poo.

...

MarvelMonkey asks "Avengers: Infinity War. Thoughts?"

Dave: It was pretty good for an animated flick.

Arnold: Best romantic comedy I've seen in a long time.

Dave: The song and dance was really spectacular.

Arnold: Just a good ol' time at the movies.

Dave: I could have done with a little less scrotum chin.

Arnold: I really wanted Robert Downey Jr.'s head on a pike, and I am disappointed that did not happen.

Dave: I never like the team-up movies as much as the individual ones. I didn't think it was as good as Thor: Ragnarok or Spider-Man: Homecoming.

Arnold: But the deaths, Dave. All of which have no consequence.

Dave: I also thought Thanos's plan was stupid. Like, dude, just make half the universe infertile if you're so worried about over-population. Maybe he would've met less resistant had be been giving out free castrations.

Arnold: Maybe he would've met more.
...


PCPrincess asks "Do you guys think Trump will ever be held accountable for his gross criminality and corruption?"

Dave: That's like asking if the devil will ever get his due.

Arnold: This country is so partisan that there will always be a large percentage of the voting public that will support Trump, even if he's caught on video pledging allegiance to Russia while pissing on an American flag.

Dave: But, but the Mueller investigation!

Arnold: Like I said, it doesn't really matter what he uncovers. I have no faith in humanity. Trump is the idiot god of old white racists. It doesn't matter if he's taking payouts from corporations or selling off public lands. He's got Fox News on his side, and conservatives have brainwashed their constituents into believing that Fox is the only legitimate source of news. Fox doesn't report on his scandals.

Dave: But, but maybe the Democrats will take back Congress and he'll be impeached!

Arnold: They could take the House, but remember, it's pretty badly gerrymandered. The Senate is probably out of reach, baring a historic turnout.

Dave: But, but, but but!

Arnold: The idealistic part of me want to say that Trump will get his due. But that part died long ago, buried under a mountain of propaganda, dirty laundry, and meat-sweats.

Dave: Oh god, the meat-sweats.

Arnold: You got to pace yourself while eating meat. Never forget, Dave.

Dave: How could I?

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Lore Building: An Ugly Map

Here's an amateurish drawing of the South of the fantasy world of The Heart of the Thief. I drew this map to help me visualize the world better, and as you can see, my drawing talents do not rival Picasso's. The story starts out in the coastal city of Capetia, and the main characters travel through the Great Woods all the way to Beaune, a country modeled after medieval France. A lot of this might be revised, but this is the world so far.