Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Check Out My Awesome Dad Bod

What's up, folks? Just having myself yet another cold brew beside the pool. Gotta keep this Dad Bod nice and fit. Gotta get my paunch just so like Goldilocks. Not too fat, not too skinny. Same goes with my man boobies. I don't want anyone to mistake them for actual breasts, yet I don't want anyone to confuse them for pecs, either. The Dad Bod is about letting yourself slip, just a little. Nobody likes someone who obsesses over their appearance. Not too much, at least.

A lot of credit has to go to celebrities like Leo, Seth Rogan, and pre-Marvel Chris Pratt for making the Dad Bod cool. They were trail blazers, visionaries, fellow bros on the path to enlightenment. They let us see that you can still get the babes while looking like a pregnant dude. I get more ass than any muscle head, lemme tell you. Women know that I'm up for a good time. Women feel more relaxed around me. They're not intimidated by my physique. They feel like they don't have to watch the calories around good ol' me.

No sir, you'll never see me around a treadmill. Of course, this Dad Bod will get worse over time, but the ladies know that. What starts as a paunch turns into a beach ball after about six years. That's cool, though. I'm down with not seeing my dick. Thing's a little ugly, to tell the truth.

The Dad Bod's all about not judging. The Dad Bod's about embracing mediocrity. What's wrong with average? Most people are average. You telling me you don't like most people? Maybe that's why you can't get laid despite your awesome Dad Bod. Leo certainly has no trouble, though he's richer than Scrooge McDuck. Humm, maybe that has something to do with his Dad Bod. Maybe there's a correlation between man titties and having an awesome life. I dunno. That's something for science to figure out.

So everybody, just lay off the weights, the running, the ridiculous diets. Let yourself age and get comfortably fat. Don't be a narcissist, bro. Rock that Dad Bod like you know it's awesome. Sure, you might be physically weak. You might be setting yourself up for a heart attack. Not everyone likes the Dad Bod, we must admit. Success will vary. It's all about confidence. It's all about sporting a paunch like a party animal. It's all about being a fat, lazy POS.


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