Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Writing for the Creatively Challenged

Writing can be pretty tough. Most of the time, the problem is finding something to write about. Because I am a creative person, I never have the aforementioned problem. I have so many topics to write about that I thought I would share them so that everyone can write about something. Remember to keep your prose concise and to mind your adverb usage. No one likes a person that over uses adverbs.

Topic One: Hotdogs. How much do you know about hotdogs? They are kind of gross, yet somewhat satisfying. I bet everyone else would like to know more about hotdogs. Maybe you should write the Great American Hotdog novel. Then everyone would finally know where hotdogs come from, and how they are made. I'm going to bet that they don't grow on trees, but what do I know? Someone, please, educate me.

Topic Two: How Dogs Can Stand the Things that They Eat. You ever wonder how dogs can eat nasty things like feces and dead animals? So have I! Is their sense of taste more or less developed than ours? Maybe they have extra taste buds. Maybe if we had those extra taste buds, we'd be chowing down on cat poop and dried up grass. Sounds like masterpiece material to me. Somebody write this.

Topic Three: Boobs. Doesn't really matter what you write about them, just include a lot of pictures. This should be a coffee table book. Entitle it "Breasts of the World" or something to that effect so that it sounds a little classy and not pornographic. I dunno. I don't think enough has been written about boobs.

Topic Four: A Guide to Lawnmowers. This could help out a lot of people. Picking out a lawnmower is difficult and stressful. You have to know how big your lawn is and how much money you have, and those are two facts that I'd rather live without knowing. I'd rather just know what the best lawnmower is and buy that.

Topic Five: The Fattest People of All Time. Who are they? Was Henry the Eighth one of them? Roseanne? That guy you saw at Walmart who fell off his motorized scooter and couldn't get back up? I think you could write a three part series on this topic.

Topic Six: Safest Places to Put Your Penis. Once again, this book could help out a lot of people. It is a dangerous world out there. You don't want to just put your penis in anything.

Topic Seven: Guide to Over the Counter Drugs.

Topic Eight: The Best Dinosaurs.

Topic Nine: Beautiful Animals.

Topic Ten: The World's Quickest Masturbators, and What They Beat-Off To.

Topic Eleven: Yourself, and How You Are a Most Special Person.

Well, that's pretty much it for now. I hope this has been helpful. Good luck to you all in finding something to write about.

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