- The Diary of Mitch R. Singer
- Hanging with the Goon
- The Consummate Politician Apologizes
- Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench
- The Esteemed Critic's Multiple Sentence Reviews
- Conan Brothers' Q&A
- Theme Park Mistress
- Hillsdale Paranormal Society
- Writer's Block
- Select Farmers Only Profiles
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Show Muscles Vs. Real Bullets
It's Dr. Triceps Meat here to tell everybody about the benefits of show muscles, by which I mean giant muscles that get the attention of the ladies and the boys, if you know what I'm saying. Thing is, show muscles don't get enough respect. Everybody knows about having the triceps meat, but haters still be hating on other muscle groups, much to my chagrin. Big pecs don't equal big boobies, folks. They have function as well as being pleasing to the eye.
I met some haters the other night who brought attention to my show muscles. They said that show muscles were all show and no bite. Rather than suplex them to oblivion, which was my first thought, I took pity on the fools and proceeded to lay waste to their asinine opinions. Just because the Amish don't have show muscles don't mean show muscles aren't all that. No argument should be won by citing the Amish. Show muscles can even stop bullets: just look at Fifty Cent. Recognize:
Show muscles give one the ability to crush an acorn between their man boobies or their buttocks.
Show muscles let you lift things, like small children or large men.
Show muscles pop when you put on a tight shirt.
Show muscles can be used as a human lifeboat in dire situations.
Show muscles allow you to be used as a human weapon.
Show muscles are built by protein and that can't be all bad.
Show muscles can build a house for you but maybe not as well as the Amish.
Show muscles have a particular odor that is pretty cool.
Show muscles are an antidote to the natural aging processes of the body.
Show muscles helped defeat Communism and Nazi-Germany.
Show muscles got a foreigner elected to the office of Governor in the State of California.
Show muscles boost your testosterone and make you more of a man.
Show muscles will inevitably out your friends who are secretly gay.
Jesus had show muscles which brought him back from the dead.
They were trying to tell me that my show muscles were useless against bullets. I mean sure, if you have a gun, show muscles aren't going to best that. Strong people are harder to kill; just remember that. Also remember the power of positivity, which is way better than the power of Bo-lieving. All you have to do is Bo-lieve? What the hell is that? New Daay!