I do plan on doing another podcast with the goons, with SummerSlam being a main topic of discussion, but because I am creatively spent and have nothing else to write about, let's go over last night's epic bout of sports entertainment.
First match: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus. One of the most boring matches of the night, which I expected. These are two solid guys who've been over-pushed and over-viewed. The fans love Orton, but he's nothing special in the ring. Same goes for Sheamus. Thankfully, it was over quickly and was solid enough not to spoil the evening.
Tag-team match: New Day vs. Primetime Players vs. Los Matadores vs. Lucha Dragons. New Day got the belt back! Didn't expect that. They are easily the best thing in the WWE. Between Big E's sexy dancing, Kofi's acrobatics, and Xavier's ridiculous mic work (Big E's got the market cornered on triceps meat!) you can't go wrong with these guys. They are the best heel stable around.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev: Another boring match. The feud between these two is stupid. Lana and Dolph look like the bad guys, and the crowd was more interested in seeing Lana naked than watching anyone wrestle. So much for the so-called Divas Revolution. Gotta love Rusev's flag, though.
Neville and the guy who plays the Green Arrow on the WB vs. King Barrett and Stardust. Not a bad match. Was over quickly, and Neville got to do the Red Arrow. The celebrity didn't embarrass himself. Wonder if Stardust is going to get buried again. Would be a shame.
Ryback vs. the Miz vs. the Big Show. Another yawnfest. Ryback won, which was the result everyone expected. The Miz is old news, and the Big Show should retire. Was somewhat entertaining, though.
The various Divas teams wrestling for nothing. No belt on the line, no reason to care, really. Too much Brie Bella and not enough Sasha Banks. They want Nicki to hold the title long enough to surpass A.J. Lee, but throwing all these teams together isn't going to make people care.
Cesaro vs. Kevin Owens. Cesaro looked a little bad in this, but it was a good match. Kevin Owens needed the win bad, considering he hasn't won anything since defeating John Cena on RAW in his debut. He looks like the kid who dunked you in the toilet in middle school. Despite that fat body, he's an amazing wrestler.
Shield vs. Wyatts. Roman got booed, and the crowded chanted "Roman is sleeping" while he writhed outside the ring for too long. Reigns is not over with the crowd, no matter what Vince wants to happen. He should turn heel and develop some personality. Bray Wyatt becomes buried even further.
Seth Rollins vs. John Cena. Hey, John didn't win! That was a surprise. Having Jon Stewart come out and hit him with a chair was strange, but what the hell, I'll take it. Seth's run hasn't been very smooth, but he's a hell of a performer. I hope they book him better in the future.
The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. A great match that was ruined by its confusing finish. I was very surprised that the Undertaker wrestled as well as he did, considering he's fifty years old and looks like he lives in an alley. Brock dripping various bodily fluids was gross. Obviously the rematch is coming for Wrestlemania. I just hope the Undertaker can find a warm cardboard box to sleep in before winter sets in.
Overall verdict=B. I was entertained and surprised. That's all I really ask for out of wrestling.
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