Fiction, comedy, music, pop-culture musings, and other awesome nonsense from a disembodied head floating in the ether...
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Tweets that I will Never Tweet
1. Oh my God, I just ate a pound of stroganoff, should I call the hospital? #Imgonnaexplode
2. You'll pry my gun from my hand when I'm dead #Getthisgunouttamyhanditisstuck
3. Batman is the best superhero #Batmanisgay
4. OH MY GOD IT'S A MIRAGE #IMTELLINGYOUALL #SABATOGE
5. Tweet, tweet, motherfucker #TwitterSucks
6. I can't express how I feel in 140 characters #WHATISATWEET
7. Trump for President #DestroytehGovernment #FromInside
8. I don't skip leg day, I run #Iwanttofitinskinnyjeans
9. Not sure how this Twitter thing works #I'mOld
10. When did the pound sign become a hashtag? #Don'tBelievethelie
11. NEVER GIVE UP #JOHNCENAROCKS
12. Inspiration garbage #LifeisPoo
13. Who eats apples? #Dotheygrowontrees?
14. Never understood the fascination with dinosaurs. Don't you know they weren't real? #DinosareSatan'slie
15. YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR YOUR RITE TO PARTY!!!! #ImTooDrunkToSee
16. Whats the Next They're Gonna Invent That I'll Not Figure Out HOw to Use? #Old #Depends
17. SUPORT OUR HERITAGE #CONFEDERATEFLAG #RASCISM
18. Winny the Poo is not a bear #CartoonThing #HoneyAintThatGood
19. Meat is murder #EatAlltheVegetables #Havingtheruns
20. #Hashtag #Hashtag #AMIDOINGTHISRITE?
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