Thursday, August 6, 2015

Predictions for SummerSlam

Bleed, John, bleed.

Summerslam is only a few weeks away, which means that the WWE is preparing to pull out all of the stops in order to satisfy its huge fanbase! Well, not really. The WWE does not care about the fans. It's Mr. McMahon's show, and you better enjoy your PG sports entertainment. Let's go over some reported matches.

Numero Uno--Seth Rollins versus John Cena for the Heavy Weight Belt. Honestly, the Rollins championship run has been mixed. He's a great wrestler and solid on the mic, but the writers (who I am fairly convinced must be a race of barely sentient chimpanzees) have given him nothing to work with. We have a champ who can't win without help from Kane and J & J, who runs when the going gets tough, and who taps out. At this point you have to wonder if Rollins' career will survive. Why is the WWE so reluctant to push new superstars? Is Cena going to wrestle forever? The guy is in great shape, but he's 38, and as his Raw match showed, he's only one bout away from a severe injury. The truth of the matter is that Cena sells t-shirt, and after the Hogan controversy, Vince is going to turn to his money-maker. What about the future, though? What about the sizable portion of the fanbase who are tired of seeing John Cena win every single match?

Winner: Cena.

Dos--Brock Lesnar versus the Undertaker. Brock Lesnar is awesome. Raw was constantly saved by his beastly presence, and together with promoter Paul Heyman, he's pretty much the best thing WWE has going. The Undertaker is a legend, and proof that they don't make them like they used to. But why are these two getting together? The whole past year was spent building up Lesnar to take the belt from Rollins. I know that the Taker is pissed about the streak, but he's a fifty-year-old man past his prime. This will probably be a cool match regardless, but it's further proof that the WWE has no eye for the future.

Winner: The Undertaker.

Tres--Ryback versus the Miz versus the Big Show for the Intercontinental Championship. Ryback finally got a push early in the year, and it's no wonder. He's not amazing in the ring, but he looks like Goldberg and fits Vince's idea of what a wrestler should look like. The Miz is old news in the ring, but he's humorous on the mic. The poor Big Show probably should have retired since the company has no idea what to do with him. This match is as preordained as the Rollins--Cena bout.

Winner: Ryback.

Cuatro--Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper verses Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose. This is my most anticipated match of Summerslam. I'm not crazy about Wyatt and Harper as wrestlers, but their creepy cult thing is pretty cool, and they make convincing villains. Reigns was pushed too early by the WWE, but the fans have accepted him now, and this is the guy that's probably the future. Ambrose deserves better, and he's more over with the fans than Reigns, yet he doesn't fit the McMahon idea of a giant roid monster so who know what'll happen with him.

Winner: Reigns and Ambrose.

Will we feel like this at the end of SummerSlam?

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