Wednesday, August 12, 2015

You Gotta Have that Triceps Meat

This is a public service announcement. Listen y'all, you have to have that triceps meat. You know what I'm talking about. We gotta see that medial head. It's gotta hang low, sweet chariot. I wanna be able to gauge your max bench when I see that triceps meat. I wanna be able to put it on a plate with some hot sauce and eat that shit up. Yum. Lotta nutrition in triceps meat, you know. It's a delicacy in some countries.

It's questionable how exactly one gets that triceps meat. Some say you gotta do a lot of dips with weights dangling low around your dingy. Others say that pushdowns are good enough, but don't listen to those folks. Truth is, you either have the triceps meat or you don't. You gotta be born with it. It's a gift. You can lift all you want, but that ain't going to do it for you. I was born with the triceps meat. There are great things in my future, you can bet on it.

You can't do steroids and get that triceps meat. You can't pray for it and find it on the altar. You can't steal it from another, though many have tried. Triceps meat is forged to the bone, you know. That shit don't come off. There's no adhesive to bind it.

Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. That's okay. You weren't chosen. The ones who matter know. They got that horseshoe shape bulging from their striated arms. They can't wear normal t-shirts. Nobody challenges them to an arm wrestling match. Their mommas ain't ashamed of them like your mommas is ashamed of you.

You know I gotta PhD in triceps meat studies? Soon as I left the crib, they handed me my diploma. My friends refer to me as "Doctor Triceps Meat." I'm cool with it. As you should be.

You gotta have that triceps meat, folks. Best be hanging out with somebody who does if you don't have it. Find that dude and stick to him. Only he can save you. He's your boyfriend now. Best give him the keys to your heart, 'cause that triceps meat sings a sweet, sweet song. It is a forbidden tune, a siren's lament. You don't go back to real life after experiencing triceps meat. Believe you me.

You gotta have that triceps meat. I can't stress that enough.

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