You ain't fooling nobody, Trent, I'm gonna beat your ass.
So I gotta admit, I was kind of a jabroni yesterday in not finishing my guide to performing an exorcism. Finding Bigfoot was on, and I gotta keep up with the latest research, though, I tell ya'll, I think that Bobo dude is really a bigfoot in disguise, there's no other explanation for how that dude acts and probably smells. But anyways, I don't like to leave a bro hanging. So let's get all hypothetical on your ass and lay out a possible, nay, probable, scenario. You've got your candles, your ancient bible, a solid bro complete with a boom box playing the Funky Bunch, and you got one possessed chick all writhing on the ground like she's an Olympic gymnast ready to get down and dirty. "Why's it a chick?" I can hear ya feminists asking. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, Gertrude, but chicks are more prone to demonic possession because of their periods and shit. This ain't something I'm making up; remember when I said demons are basically second class bros? They're always looking to bring more little jabronis into the world, and since chicks can get pregnant, that makes them prime targets for demonic possession. So let's start where I left off.
Step four: don't INITIALLY bang the possessed. I can hear ya'll bitching about this one. "What, Gordy? Why would we get nasty with a possessed chick?" Well, this ain't the Exorcist, brothas, these girls aren't peeing out green pea soup and twisting their heads around. You see, the demon wants your seed so it can fuck it up and make a Daemon kid who'll command rottweilers and grow up to be the president. So that possessed chick will be showing her boobs and twisting around, and doing her damnest to get in your pants. I don't care how hot she is (with the possible exception of Elizabeth Banks, damn, I'd sire a whole race of jabronis with her), you gotta keep it in your jeans, which is a challenge for all bros, I know. But ya gotta be strong, son. Exorcisms are hard shit.
Step six: BOOM YOU'RE DONE, SON. That babe should be demon free now, so if she wants to get down, you should be game. Don't leave your solid bro out of the action, though. Normally, I'd advise against a threesome, since that's some French shit, but after an exorcism, anything's cool. YOU HEAR THAT, ART? THERE'S NO REASON TO BE AFRAID. Until next time, internet.