Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Conan Brothers Q&A

Dave just plays Skyrim because he's a deviant, cat-person lover.

LamerforLife asks: "Do you guys play video games?"

Arnold: Do we play video games. Oh do we.

Dave: Video games are yet another form of electronic mass entertainment designed to keep the masses distracted from their poor, pathetic lives of serfdom and mindless consumption.

Arnold: He plays video games all the time.

Dave: I kind of feel guilty for it, though. I always feel like I could be doing something more productive with my time, like studying German or becoming proficient in advanced mathematics.

Arnold: That's 'cause you have the ol' American work ethic ground into your brain. Do you feel guilty when you jerk it?

Dave: Only when I'm using particularly dirty material.

Arnold: Well, I guarantee you lose a lot of work hours pounding your meat, and I don't see you ceasing your masturbatory habits, you hypocrite.
Dave: I guess I would like to play less.
Arnold: So make it happen. If there's anything we constantly preach about, it's taking responsibility for your actions. If you truly feel that video games are hampering your development as a person, then cut them out. Although, why stop there? Might as well throw the TV away and unplug the internet. Toss your smart phone in the garbage. Stop driving to work or wearing clothes. Return to the woods, make your fires, eat your meat raw. Fully embrace Luddism.
Dave: I like the conveniences of modern society.
Arnold: You have to take the good with the bad, Dave.
Dave: I don't know if that's necessarily true, but I see your point. I will stop feeling guilty about playing video games.
Arnold: Maybe if you didn't always play as a cat-person, you'd feel less guilty.
Dave: Maybe you're right.

Tony, you fat liar, you didn't get those chunky legs by using that piece of crap.
RudyWasaPussy asks: "Are machines evil? I don't mean like the Terminator, I mean the types of machines you see in your Globo Gyms. Exercise machines, to be precise."
Arnold: Machines will never replace free weights, for the simple reason that machines help balance the load. You press a barbell overhead and all sorts of muscles are helping stabilize the weight. It's just you verses gravity.

Dave: Yeah, but machines aren't useless. Neither are single-joint isolation exercises. Both are primarily used for assistance work, that is, high rep stuff done just to get a pump.

Arnold: Done to get your hypertrophy on.

Dave: I might do leg extensions after squats, but I won't use a heavy weight. I'll do four sets of twelve with about ninety pounds. Nobody cares if you're using three-hundred pounds on leg extensions.

Arnold: If you are, you're probably fucking up your knees.

Dave: Don't build your workout around machine movements. Otherwise, they're fine.

Rufus is kind of a dick, if you can't tell by his expression.

CommunistMephistopheles asks: "What's the best kind of dog?"

Dave: Isn't that kind of like asking what the best kind of person is?
Arnold: There are no bad dogs. All dogs are made perfect before the eyes of the Lord.
Dave: We have a pit bull named Rufus, because we are big, tough guys that need a big, tough dog.
Arnold: Pits have suffered from masculine postering, that's for sure. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some skinny dude being dragged down the street by his eighty-pound pit bull. Hey, asshole, if you're going to get the Schwarzenegger of dogs, how 'bout you make sure you can control it?
Dave: They're sweet dogs, though. Rufus is kind of a bad apple.
Arnold: It's not his fault the mail man has to saunter into his yard like he owns the damn place. If I were a dog, that'd piss me off too.
Dave: The only difference between you and a dog is that you don't eat dog food. Not usually, at least.
Arnold: Thanks, brotha. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time.

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