This is me.
I've been rewatching Star Wars with my four-year old which has led to a lot of thinking about the series and what it has meant to me over the years. Star Wars is just a bunch of movies, but it's also a fertile playground for one's imagination; I remember writing fan-fic when I was a preteen, which was some of the first writing I ever did. My son instinctively loves Star Wars, proof of its eternal appeal. When I am an old man, it is possible that Disney will still be making Star Wars movies. As awesome/appalling as that sounds, I'd like to list/mini-review all the films in the mainline saga, just because this is a blog that needs content, and who doesn't like to read some dude's opinion on Star Wars? This is the internet, people.
1. The Empire Strikes Back. No controversial opinion here--The Empire Strikes Back is more or less universally regarded as the high point of Star Wars. It's the best constructed movie--the opening is awesome, with the massive battle on the ice planet Hoth--and it ends with one of the best cliff-hangers in cinema history. Vader gets a huge build up as a franchise defining villain; contrast the cool but subservient henchman in Star Wars to the superstar destroyer commanding, Force-choking badass in Empire. The lightsaber battle is also the best of the series, constructed to show the contrast between the green but talented Luke, and the experienced but underestimating Vader. Not just the best Star Wars film, but a legitimately great film in general.
Best Scenes: Hoth battle, Vader versus Luke.
2. Star Wars (A New Hope). A New Hope is a great introduction and an amazing feat of imagination. Lucas combined all of his influences (Samurai flicks, Flash Gordon, Dune) and made something transcendental. Mark Hamil's Luke is a relatable, if sometimes annoying, protagonist, while Harrison Ford's Han Solo wooed both boys and girls with his gunslinger cool. Lucas performed a nice reversal of fantasy archetypes by making Carrie Fisher's Princess Leia as much of a badass as the boys. The final battle against the Death Star is probably my favorite space battle in the series.
Best scenes: All the aliens in Cantina, Death Star battle.
3. Return of the Jedi. Lucas started to run out of ideas with the final film in the original trilogy. Derided for the teddy bear Ewoks, the movie's greatest sins are redundancy (another Death Star, only bigger) and aimlessness (Han Solo and Leia are given nothing to do). Still, the opening at Jabba's Palace builds on the Mos Eisley Cantina's alien menagerie, while giving us cool monsters (Sarlacc, Rancor, Jabba himself) and good action. The ending is satisfying, with Luke finally defeating the Emperor and redeeming his father. Probably my favorite Star Wars film as a kid.
Best scenes: Speeder chase in Endor; Vader versus Luke 2.
4. The Force Awakens. An excellent reboot of Star Wars: A New Hope. Unfortunately, it follows its predecessor way too closely--did we really need another Death Star--but the new cast, led by Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver, are very likeable and charismatic. The overall story is solid, although you can tell that the writers tried to figure out how to recreate the rebel versus empire dynamic of the original trilogy. Loved the scenes in Jakku of Rey scavenging the rusting hulks of Star Destroyers. Loses points for the bad way Han Solo went out.
Best scenes: Rey and Finn escaping Jakku in the Millennium Falcon, Kylo Ren freezing Poe's blaster bolt.
5. The Last Jedi. Were it not for the beginning of the Last Jedi, it would rank much higher on this list. Rian Johnson gives Finn and Rose a prequealesque trip to a gambling planet that ends with them being doublecrossed, robbing our heroes of their very heroism by making them look like two gullible dumbasses. Poe arguably suffers worse. The movie obviously wants us to think Poe has to learn to temper his hotheadedness and trust in authority, but making him into a mutineer was a bad decision. Also, why should he trust Admiral Holdo? Despite being Leia's favorite, Poe has never heard of her. Blindly trusting in authority is what the First Order does. Nevertheless, Rey and Kylo's storyline is great, and I liked the way Luke went out. The confrontation in Snoke's throne room is the best combat sequence in the entire series. I wish Johnson had done Rise of Skywalker, because the Last Jedi set up a much better movie than what we got.
Best scenes: Luke drinking blue milk, Kylo and Rey's battle with the Praetorian guards.
Get that purple dildo outta my face!
6. Revenge of the Sith. Revenge of the Sith is a great bad movie. It's cheesy as hell, but it has all the shit you wanted to see in the prequels--the destruction of the Jedi, Anakin's duel with Obi-Wan, Yoda taking on the Emperor. There is a total of five lightsaber fights in this film, and the opening sequence's space battle is no slouch, either. However, Anakin's supposedly tragic fall from grace is a complete failure, due to Lucas's wooden dialogue and poor, miscast Hayden Christenson, whose Anakin is a whiny, entitled sociopath. I get that he might reluctantly slice Mace Windu's hand off to save the Emperor, who has promised to save Padme, but five minutes later, he's walking into the Jedi Temple to murder his former friends and younglings. Still, a good watch if you're fairly drunk.
Best scenes: Old Palps screaming "noo" and shooting out his blue fire, Yoda and the Emperor throwing hover carts at each other like video game characters.
7. The Rise of Skywalker. A film completely out of ideas. J.J. Abrams should have never finished the series. He's not a creative--he's a reboot guy, someone who'll put out a serviceable, if unimaginative movie. Despite Kylo being set up as the main bad guy in Last Jedi, J.J. puts him back in the henchman role and shoehorns in old Palps while never bothering to explain how he crawled out of the exploded reactor core of the Death Star. Plot hole after plot hole ensues, with our heroes moving from one planet to the next with no real memorable sequences. The ending is okay (turn off your lightning hands, Palps!) but it can't erase what a rush job this movie obviously was.
Best scenes: Palps shooting his blue shit into the sky, Rey battling Kylo on the wreckage of the Death Star.
8. Attack of the Clones. I think the first half of Attack of the Clones isn't too bad. From the onset, it's obvious Hayden Christensen's Anakin is not going to be a relatable protagonist (non-sociopaths don't commit genocide against Tusken Raiders), but Ewan McGregor is a good Obi-Wan, and Natalie Portman tries her best. Obi-Wan's detective work on Kamino leads to a memorable showdown with Jengo Fett, and Yoda versus Count Dooku is cool, if goofy. Still, the love scenes are so goddamn bad you can't help but skip Anakin and Padme's unconvincing love story, and the movie's CGI hasn't held up too well.
Best scenes: Yoda versus Count Dooku... Natalie Portman in a corset
9. The Phantom Menace. You know what, I think Jar Jar Binks was fine. He at least displayed a normal emotional range, unlike any of the three human protagonists. Little Annie was the first step in destroying Darth Vader's legacy. Still, the Podrace sequence is cool, as is the lightsaber battle between Maul and the Jedi. Easily the most nonessential Star Wars movie.
Best Scenes: Mentioned them already.
Bonus rankings for Solo and Rogue One. Solo is a much better movie than the reviews suggested. I liked it a hell of a lot more than Rise of Skywalker. Rogue One has some beautiful camera work but flat characters. Could slot either film in the middle of these rankings.
No comments:
Post a Comment