Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Screw Off, Nerds

Well holla, playas. This is Vince Neil again. Been a long time since I posted on this shitty blog. Now that my rad nephew hooked up my internet to the motherbrain, I can finally get America online and look at porn and viruses and shit. Yeah, this modern technology crap just gets lost in my head along with the memories of dressing like a transvestite and doing blow outta strippers' buttholes. Sometimes I don't know what time I'm in. I do know that I don't like where I am, though.

It's like the nerds took over everything. There are stupid comic book movies in the theaters. You ever seen this shit? They're like all connected. You can't see Iron Man 10 without seeing Captain Underpants: Panty Avenger. It's like all the kids we used to dunk in toilets got together and took over the country. TV is the same way. Infantile shit about people dressing in costumes and doing fake fucking kung-fu. Any of you assholes ever been in a real fight? Lemme tell you something: no amount of 10th degree black belt bullshit is going to save your ass against three skinheads and 10 feet of steel chain. I got the bejesus kicked out of me one time after Tommy shit all over a biker bar and got his dick stuck in the jukebox. Don't ask me why I got my ass kicked instead of him. That was always happening back in the day. I guess I was just too pretty, and that pissed people off.

People watch something called Game of Thrones now and it's the stupidest crap I've ever seen. We used to take baseball bats and crash Dungeon and Dragons LARP events and the winner was whoever busted enough nerd brains. I was a ten time champion. I've murdered more nerds than Biff Tannen and Ogre combined. By the way, did you know that Biff is running for president? Motherfucker cleaned up well. Still has those freakishly small hands, though.

All of us former jocks and hair metalheads need to band together and do something about the direction this country is taking. No more fucking video game commercials on my TV. No more films about Superman sucking Batman's dick. No more Comic Con or E3 or Chipotle. Did I mention Chipotle yet? Jesus. Organic bullshit that hippies pooped on and stuffed together in a burrito. Sorry, I got confused. I thought I was doing a Yelp review, whatever the hell that is.

That's why I'm endorsing Biff Tannen for president. Sure, he calls himself Donald Trump now but you can't fool me, Biff. I know you murdered the real Donald Trump years ago in order to evade those statutory rape charges. By the way, if you win president let's go back in time and change the past so we don't have Obama in the Whitehouse and the nerds don't take over. I would be cool with being Vice President too, FYI. Or panty raider in chief.

Let's make America great again.

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