Friday, May 6, 2016

Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench, NXT Edition

Baron Corbin--End of Days? More like the end of underpants. Corbin hasn't changed his drawers since his NFL days. We can question whether his NXT call up was a good idea, but something we can't argue with is that Baron knows how to fill his pants. Stench rating-7.

Apollo Crews--Babyface Apollo hasn't really developed a character other than generic smiling guy, but that hasn't stopped the E from promoting him  so that he can...wrestle the Social Outcasts? Thankfully for our nostrils, Apollo doesn't stink too bad--he smells like your dad's sock drawer, just like Old Spice pitchman Terry Crews (no relation, somehow). Stench rating--4.

The Revival--Dash and Dawson are two great workers that I have trouble telling apart from any other generic wrestling tag team, most because they look like the definition of a generic wrestling tag team. They stink, though, like poo poo, due to Dash's chronic inflammatory bowel syndrome. Stench rating--8.

Bailey--Former champ Bailey has a delightful odor of hugs and bubblegum. Unfortunately, she is a farter, so look out. Stench rating--3.

Eva Marie--The Red Queen doesn't smell as good as she looks, due to her penchant for eating in bed and never showering. Also, she huffs bath salts (just an FYI). Another element in the mix is the lingering reek of her penis-like husband, who's always lurking close by. Stench rating--9.

Asuka--Do you know what fear smells like? I guess it varies. I'll tell you one thing though: Asuka smells a hell of a lot better than Brock Lesnar. Stench rating--2.

William Regal--NXT head honcho Mr. Regal has the look of a suave British gentleman. His taste in cologne, however, leaves something to be desired. Gasoline is not an acceptable fragrance, Will. Stench rating--5.

Finn Balor--Yes, ladies and gents, Finn has washboard abs and 2 percent bodyfat. The guy looks freaking ridiculous. But keep in mind, appearances are not always what they seem. The Demon King's two favorite foods are broccoli and deviled eggs. If you think Bailey's farts are bad, you should see how fast Finn clears a room. Stench rating--6.

Samoa Joe--If you've ever lost a dirty diaper under the couch and had your cat pull it out later, then you have an idea of what Joe's skirt smells like. There's also a trace of Denny's all you can eat breakfast lurking beneath all of that rotten poo. Stench rating--10.

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