Friday, May 13, 2016

Conan Brothers Q&A


PedanticWenus asks "So what do you guys think about the coming election? Is it a harbinger of the apocalypse? Are you team Trump or team Hillary?"

Arnold: I'm team Mickey Mouse.

Dave: Have to go with the lesser of two evils. Hillary.

Arnold: Is she truly? A career politician who voted for the Iraq War, took money from Saudi Arabia, and who has repeated aligned herself with whatever position she thought would win her the most votes? How is that any different than Trump?

Dave: Sure, they are both panderers, but what politician isn't? Plus, Trump is transparently racist, xenophobic, and misogynistic. Do we want a President who appeals to the lowest common denominator? The guy reTweets Neo-Nazis, for chrissakes. Plus his whole shtick as a successful businessman is a shame. He was born a multimillionaire, and who knows how rich he really is, since he won't release his taxes.

Arnold: Are you saying he won't make America great again?

Dave: Not unless American Greatness is tied to fear, loathing, and idiocy.

Arnold: So you want me to vote a possible Reptilian into the White House?

Dave: They're all Reptilians, Arnold. Some Reptilians are better than others.

Arnold: Still voting for Mickey Mouse.

Dave: I'm not so sure Disney would run the country any differently than the Republicans would.

Arnold: Well then I'm voting for... somebody. I guess.

Dave: Yeah, make that vote count, brother.

PooPooMagoo asks "You guys watch HBO's Girls or Game of Thrones? Because there's no way those two demographics overlap.

Arnold: Girls is surprisingly entertaining, though it has ruined nudity for me.

Dave: It's like Lena Dunham wants me to never have sex again.

Arnold: I may be a professional bodybuilder, but I'm pretty inclusive when it comes to body acceptance. I don't think women need to look like fitness models. At the same time, if you don't got it, please don't flaunt it, for God's sake.

Dave: There is nobody on that show that I want to see naked. What is with HBO and gratuitous nudity? I'm pretty sure Game of Thrones has a whole section of writers who do nothing but find ways to gets some tits and asses in every episode, whether it fits the plot or not.

Arnold: Interesting that we're discussing gratuitous nudity like it's something to be ashamed of instead of the brutal violence on display in GoT.

Dave: You know the American attitude. Boobies are bad, blood and guts are good.

Arnold: All that shit's good to me. My life is like a heavy metal album cover.

Dave: He is literally naked and covered in gore as we speak.

Arnold: Somebody get me an HBO show. Pronto.


WegroWilson asks "Would you guys ever workout in a Planet Fitness?"

Arnold: This question makes no sense. You can't workout in a Planet Fitness.

Dave: The dumbbells only go up to 60 pounds.

Arnold: The minute I walk in, the Lunk Alarm starts going off.

Dave: What a terrible place. "Judgment free zone" my ass. Planet Fitness runs a gym like Satan would. You're not allowed to lift heavy and they try to make you as fat as possible by giving away donuts and pizza. They're endorsers of the Biggest Loser, the stupidest show on television. Never, ever, give them money.

Arnold: When I go to the gym I want to be judged.

Dave: When I go to the gym, I want everyone to recognize that I'm the biggest guy there, and that I haven't had a carbohydrate in four years.

Arnold: When I go to the gym, I want little children to run in fear.

Dave: What?

Arnold: Because I look like a big, scary monster.

Dave: I think that's it. You've crossed the line again.

Arnold: That's what I do.

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