Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Curt Schilling Wants Everyone to Know That He's a Fat Moron


Curt Schilling, famous Red Sox pitcher and ESPN commentator, would like everyone to know that he is a fat moron. Schilling, most famous for pitching in the World Series with a bloody sock, was recently suspended for a tweet comparing Muslims to Nazis. When asked who won the Democratic Presidential Debate last night (once again, on Twitter, the realm of morons), Schilling responded "ISIS." Schilling is a die-hard Republican, despite that fact that he took 75 million in government handouts from the State of Rhode Island to fund his video game company, which soon went bankrupt. Let's review some other things that this fat jock moron believes:

Curt Schilling believes that Obama was born in Egypt because that's the only African country he knows.

Curt Schilling believes that if you stare at an egg long enough, it will fry itself.

Curt Schilling believes that the theory of evolution has never been thoroughly proven.

Curt Schilling believes that his bed farts will get him into heaven.

Curt Schilling believes that all of America's problems would be solved if we just killed all of the liberals/immigrants/thugs/lesbians.

Curt Schilling believes that only the 99 percent will enter the kingdom of heaven.

Curt Schilling believes that only using 10 percent of his brain will get him into an exclusive heaven club where he can molest angels and eat cheese coneys with his bare feet.

Curt Schilling believes that if he says everything he thinks, he will be remembered as a genius.

Curt Schilling believes that all dogs go to heaven.

Curt Schilling believes that hypocrisy is a word with no meaning.

Curt Schilling believes that atheists are all homos.

Curt Schilling believes that all food is edible, even way past its expiration date.

Curt Schilling believes that George Washington killed all the Indians with his laser-beam eyes and his twelve-foot schlong.

Curt Schilling believes in State's Rights, and closet racism.

Curt Schilling believes that if you think before you speak, then you're going to hell.

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