Friday, October 2, 2015

Quit Offering the Rock Poontang Pie


It has come to the Rock's attention that he is still being offered poontang pie on a frequent basis, which is not to the Rock's liking, believe it or not. Some of you may like apple pie. Some others may enjoy a slice of pumpkin pie around Thanksgiving time. But the Rock has always enjoyed poontang pie the most. But that was then, and this is now. Tastes change, is what the Rock is saying. You can have too much of a good thing. The Rock has had poontang pie made with sustainable, locally-sourced ingredients. The Rock has also eaten poontang pie from a dumpster. What the Rock is trying to say is that poontang pie tastes kind of bland to him now. The Rock has had it all, though he has never had poontang pie from a Jabroni or from his two brothers, Maloney and Maroni. The Rock can smell what you are cooking, and if it's poontang pie, he wouldn't like a piece. No thanks.

The Rock is a big-time movie star now. His wrestling days are over. It was during the Attitude Era when the Rock enjoyed poontang pie the most. It was then that he ate it on a frequent basis. The Rock actually had his own delicious recipe for poontang pie involving cloves, cinnamon, and a whole lot of sugar, but that's a family secret. A jabroni like you shall not be privy to the Rock's secret family recipe for poontang pie. Don't even ask. You can't smell what the Rock is cooking, not this time.

Maybe if the Rock met the right cook, he would partake in poontang pie once more. The last time the Rock had poontang pie, it was smelly and gross. You see, the Rock is a poontang pie connoisseur. Though he has eaten poontang pie from the dumpster, the Rock sees that that was a mistake. So the Rock would like to chose his own poontang pie instead of being offered it all the time, like on the street when the Rock is trying to get to the premier of one of his blockbuster movies. Don't distract the Rock with your offer of poontang pie. Only a jabroni would taste it. The Rock ain't no jabroni. Has never been. The Rock wants you to shut your mouth, go to Know Your Role Boulevard, just off Jabroni Drive, and check yourself into Smackdown Hotel, where the Rock will be waiting to layeth the smackdown on your candy ass. You can eat your own poontang pie by yourself.



Also, please stop offering Marky-Mark poontang pie. He doesn't like it much, either.

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