Thursday, July 16, 2015

Select Farmers Only Profiles

Name: HarManPreet Singh Mattu

Age: 25

Looking For: Strapping American Woman To BE My Arranged Bride By Her Choice, of COURSE

Hobbies: Living a hellish existence, dodging charging tigers, searching for a new wife

Bio: Hello I Am Looking for great American woman to birth my children and clean the kitchen and make soup all day, and I would like that great American woman to be you! India is a beautiful country, just make sure not to walk around at night unaccompanied or the villagers will be obligated to rape and/or murder you, also watch out for tigers, my last three wives were eaten by them, hah. If I figure out how to use the email, just email me and I'll send a check to your father to buy you, hope you're not worth that much, hah.
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Name: Bob Billingsley

Age: 61

Looking For: A woman who shares my distrust of the federal government and its unconstitutional tax policies.

Hobbies: Hobbies are for commies and people with too much time on their hands

Bio: Ladies, this is Bob, and I'm looking for a companion who doesn't mind hard work, because that's the only kind I do. I'm an apple farmer, and that means that there will be lots of picking/washing/sorting/loading to do around the farm. In the evenings I like to kick back with Fox News and get royally pissed about the direction this county is going. I have a ten foot tall statue of George Washington in the driveway, and he's clutching a rifle and shooting lasers from his eyes like God intended. In the bed room I am more than serviceable. At this point in my life, when I see a kid, I shoot it.

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Name: Bobby Harman

Age: 5 going on 6

Looking For: Somebody to play with me

Hobbies: Playing with dinosaurs, monster trucks, eating random objects for fun

Bio: Hey this is Bobby and I am a dinosaur farmer, won't somebody come and help me play with my dinosaurs? I got a T. Rex and a triceratops, and a bunch of others that are really cool. If you buy me dinosaurs I won't chew on the electrical cords. Also love orange juice that's been spilled on the floor. Please buy me a spinosaurus, it's just the coolest and it would complete my collection. I have 15 cents that I found under the couch while looking for snacks. I'll give it to you if you play with me.

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Name: You can just call me "Bro," bro

Age: 35 (BUT I DON'T LOOK IT)

Looking For: Someone to appreciate all the time and dedication I put into my muscles

Hobbies: Lifting (Duh), anabolic steroids, being secretly gay

Bio: Yo, bitches, you wanna see a muscle farmer? Cuz that's what I am. Check out deez arms, fools! 22 inches and counting. You don't wanna see what steroids have done to my balls, it is freaky, really, you don't want to see. Only interested in girls who have bigger tits than myself. Hope you like the Funky Bunch. Don't email me, just come to the gym and gawk at my huuuge muscles and maybe I'll pop my top for you, eh? Sounds like a date to me.

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