Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The Least Interesting Man in the World


Howdy, strangers. Mighty overcast today. Looks like it's going to rain, but so far, it hasn't. Don't you just abhor days like this? The uncertainty. The constant glances skyward, up toward ol' Father Zeus. Can't decide whether or not to mow my lawn. Lord knows you don't want to mow your lawn too early. I always try to synchronize my mowing with my neighbors. Gotta keep up with the Jones. I don't know what that means.

So the neighborhood scamps are still playing tricks on poor ol' me. Last night, they left a dead cat on my doorstep. Those incorrigible little tramps! Don't they know how much cleaning up that dead animal inconvenienced me? I had to throw away a whole ensemble because the stench just wouldn't come out. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I decapitated the whole lot of them! But that's just the voices in my head speaking. Learned long ago to silence them! Everything is just fine and dandy. The important thing is to be positive.

I watched a little bit of television today. Some fine program called "Love It or List It." I can't tell you what happened on the program because I kind of spaced out for several hours. Sometimes I wonder if I retain anything. Oh well. Such is life.

Been thinking about getting a dog so that I'll have something to take care of. I'll name it Lassie or Rover. I haven't decided on a breed yet. Maybe I'll just get a mutt. Imagine taking ol' Scruffy out for a walk! What fun. I get excited just thinking about it. Having my very own dog. Christ.

Have you ever wondered how ants reproduce? Do they have monogamous relationships? Isn't there a queen? Is everyone married to the queen? Jeez, that would get confusing. I think a lot about how life forms reproduce. I guess it's just magic.

Thinking about vacuuming the place. This place could use a thorough scrubbing. I really don't dust enough. Sometimes I think that every man lives in his own personal hell. I have some old furniture that needs to be Febrezed.

Chicken or pork chops tonight? What do ya'll think? It's all just tasteless flesh. Maybe I'll grill out. Fix some corn on the cob. Wave at passersby and hope that someone talks to me. I'm a friendly chap. I know things. There's absolutely no reason not to be positive. It's easy to lie to oneself. Might go get me a pizza.

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