The Consummate Politician Apologizes

Boy, there's a lot to apologize for this time. Seems that I've royally screwed the pooch, America. I've let you down, though I would contend that that's debatable. Let's get this over with so I can go back to saving America from the Chinese and the homosexuals. Shit. I think I've done it again.

First I'd like everyone to know that the hush money I paid to multiple families in order to cover up my alleged sexual abuse of their children was put to good use by said families. One of them bought a vacation home, and these people struggle to put food on the table daily. The other family bought a new car instead of paying off their mortgage. Don't sound like very financially responsible people, do they? Kind of casts doubt on their sexual allegations, doesn't it? If said allegations truly occurred, then you would figure that these folks would've spent that hush money on some consoling and a chastity belt. Proves you can't trust poor people. We should put them all in camps.

By the way, that's another thing I have to apologize for. It has been inferred from my comments that if I had my way, internment camps would be established for the degenerates of society, namely the homosexuals, black people, poor people, illegal immigrants, etc...anybody who is not rich, white, and Protestant. Well that's a bunch of baloney fabricated by the liberal media. It's work camps, not internment camps, that I'm big on. Can you imagine how much money we'd save the economy if all these degenerates got off their Welfare-abusing asses and started rebuilding our infrastructure? I'd be elected king of America. It's an idea worth exploring, but nobody has the courage to say it. That's political correctness in twenty-first century America, folks. See how it's ruining everything?

Lastly, I'd like to apologize for saying anything about all those scientists who contend that dinosaurs had feathers. Now, science certainly has its place, and I'm not above using it when it suits my needs. But everyone needs to keep in mind that evolution is just a theory, like the Loch Ness monster or racial equality, and firm proof needs to be established before we all go jumping to conclusions. You telling me that a Tyrannosaurus evolved into a chicken? That just doesn't make any sense. Dinosaur bones were put here by Satan to test the resolve of humanity. You think something that big could've walked on earth? Why aren't there any dinosaurs today? You think God would let one of his creations go extinct?

In closing, I'd like to recommend everyone get off their high horse and stop criticizing me, a mover and shaker, and start examining the activities of the poor and black people. Haven't we given these folks enough opportunities? Send them to the camps, I say. These would be nice camps, by the way. You'd want to work there, if you were a degenerate. Anyway, just remember all the good I've accomplished instead of my so-called "misdeeds." I'm going to get back to running this country. Somebody has to do it.