Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench

Luke Harper--The proud owner of a permanent beer-sized stain on the front of his wife beater, ol' Luke has things crawling in his beard as well as his pants. Passersby have commented that he smells like a walking piece of cheese. Many suspect that his only friend is a raccoon named Baxter who lost his nose in a tragic dumpster fire. Stench Rating, out of ten--8

Ryback--A massive trapezius that became sentient, Ryback smells like a pair of gym shorts you jogged in and then left in your locker to marinate for a week. Please, do not feed him anything else. Stench Rating--6

Daniel Bryan--This one's pretty easy. He smells like women's perfume mixed with the day-old stench of a goat you ran over with a car. Surprisingly, those two smells mix well together. YES! Stench Rating--3

Fandango--Dude reeks of your mom, and in a bad way, if you know what I'm saying. Stench Rating--7

Dean Ambrose--Dean reeks of old cars, skyline chili, and the Ohio River. Thanks a lot, Cincinnati. Stench Rating--9

Rusev--Someone took a bear, shaved it, and then covered it in butter. Would smell good if fried. Stench Rating--6

Dolph Ziggler--The eighties manifested as this beautiful man. He smells like a tanning bed, dude sweat, and a pair of panties. You wish you were his friend. Stench Rating--1

Roman Reigns--Your wife might leave you for him, if they were ever to meet. Stench Rating--2

Randy Orton--The legend killer! Unfortunately, the WWE's apex predator reeks of stinky feet. Will take you to RKO city if you point this out, however. Stench Rating--4

Bella Twins--Somewhere in between a used tampon and a wad of cash you just masturbated into and then burned. Stench Rating--9

John Cena--Ever wondered what Vince Mcmahon's asshole smells like? Rumor is, John Cena knows. Stench Rating-10

Stephanie Mcmahon--Turns out Vince successfully uploaded his consciousness into a younger female form. Unfortunately, he smells wonderful. Stench Rating-0

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