Saturday, May 23, 2015

Look at My Dirty Food Porn


You ready for some hot, food action? Well you're in luck, my friend. Here are some tasty treats to really get your food hard-on.


Oh man oh man oh man. Look at those succulent chicken breasts. Those red, ripe cherry tomatoes. All that fruit just sitting there, just waiting for some fat bastard to take control and teach it who's the boss. I'd like to nibble up those chicken titties and wash it down with a big glass of Chianti, lemme tell you.


Oh Christ. It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes and rub yourself down with spaghetti. Look at them balls of meat. I'd like to put those in my pants. Look at those noodles twisted together like the entrails of some great beast. Wouldn't you just like to bury your face in this meal and motorboat the hell out of it? Christ, I would.


Oh God. I can't take it. This shit makes me hornier than one of those red-assed monkeys that runs around and does horny monkey shit. I can just see one of these hoagies melting off of John Kruk's beard. This food is dirty. It will take it any way, at any time. It doesn't use protection. It is opposed to the idea of protection. If you brought this hoagie home to ma and pa, they'd call the cops. This is deviant food, motherfucker.


Ain't this a big ol' pile of dirty ho stacks? Dripping chocolate. Ripe strawberries. I can just imagine the calorie counter growing like a massive schlong. It hurts so good, baby. I'm about to bust a nut.


Wow, that's some delicious chili. Look at it sitting in that bowl. Just fermenting. Getting hotter. Stinkier. A big ol' bowl of shank. Umm, umm, good.

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