- The Diary of Mitch R. Singer
- Hanging with the Goon
- The Consummate Politician Apologizes
- Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench
- The Esteemed Critic's Multiple Sentence Reviews
- Conan Brothers' Q&A
- Theme Park Mistress
- Hillsdale Paranormal Society
- Writer's Block
- Select Farmers Only Profiles
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Bro Gamer for Life, Yo
What up, bro? You up for some man-shooting action? Like, get online and show all the faggots and poofters how to roll? Some Call of Duty Ten action? Maybe some Battlefield 20? I promise I won't camp, bro.
What the fuck you playing, bro? Some single player shit? Dude, all the action is online. That's where all da babes at. It's no fun tea-bagging the computer, bro. I wanna tea-bag a real dude who I just shot in the face. No cheap-ass kills for me, jabroni. I be like all "Killing streak!" and raining death on all their dumb-asses. They best recognize, yo. Bunch of homos.
Dude, what the fuck does RPG even stand for? You're telling me you'd rather jerk off to elf porn than hop online and do some fragging with your very best of bros? What kind of homo are you? Hey, you better hop on in this game, some chick just logged in and I'm going to ask her to suck my dong. You don't want in on this? What are you, anti-sexual harassment? Not cool, bro. Very not cool. I'm giving you a thumbs down and this shit is serious. I thought you were solid. I guess I was mistaken.
Fuck it, just come over. We'll smoke some weed, bong some beers. You can watch me school all the noobs. Got a couple new nudie rags for you to chortle your moose over. Spank your sausage. Beat your naughty meat. You gotta check out the hooters in this mag, bro. This shit is nasty. I'm like scared to beat off to it 'cuz I might never beat off again, if you know what I'm saying. Do you know what I'm saying? Cuz I ain't got no fucking clue.
After I'm done showing noobs and feminists how to choke on their own penises, we'll watch some Smackdown. Maybe we can simultaneously beat off to the Bella twins. Hah, just kidding. Though if you're down with that, I'm cool. Nothing queer about two bros squeezing the life outta their dicks while watching Smackdown. Sounds like a good night to me.
All right man, fine, I'll leave you to play your homo Jap games with the other wankers. Go choke a chocobo for me. Have some cyber sex with a hot anime babe with double F tits. Haha, yeah right. Even the Asians ain't playin wit you.
Last call, bro. I'm grilling some hot gristle. Making some burgers and dogs. I just called your mom and she's down to roll. Haha, just kidding. You're mom's never down to roll. But seriously, come over. I'm terribly lonely and I think the end is near.
FUCK THAT. I'll CoD with myself. Go suck an orc butt, you single player faggot. But seriously, come over.