- The Diary of Mitch R. Singer
- Hanging with the Goon
- The Consummate Politician Apologizes
- Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench
- The Esteemed Critic's Multiple Sentence Reviews
- Conan Brothers' Q&A
- Theme Park Mistress
- Hillsdale Paranormal Society
- Writer's Block
- Select Farmers Only Profiles
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Internet Ad Bot Presents: Increase Your Penis Size
Ad Bot beginning transmission...
Increase your penis size by eight inches! Just consume our herbal supplement of questionable integrity and your penis will shoot up like a giant sequoia! All of your sexual issues will be solved with a larger penis. Women will know immediately that your penis size has increased, and since penis size is all that women look for in a romantic partner, you'll be rolling in poon, my friend. Just take this horny goat weed and watch that thing grow.
See how this eighteen-year-old kid with a clearly Photoshopped elephant dong increased his dick by a mind blowing ten inches! You'll have trouble finding somebody who can take your massive dong! Have you ever tried to fit a ten inch penis into a vagina? Well, it's not easy, let us tell you that.
All the porn stars have gigantic slongs, and they're clearly having no trouble with the ladies. You'll be half a man if you don't have a monkey sized wiener. Actually, humans have the largest penis of all of the apes. But it's not big enough. It can never be big enough.
Ron Jeremy has a big penis. Women don't even care that he's a greasy fat dude with the charm of a rodent. He's got it where it counts. Buy our supplement. It comes with a free penis pump. That shit works like for five minutes, and let's be honest, that's all you need. Anyone who needs more time is just fooling around or gay.
If you click on our add for an herbal supplement to increase penis size, you won't be sorry. Your computer will be taken to an internet black hole where spyware and Trojan horses roam in mass, but you'll finally know how everybody got their big ol' penises, and that's like discovering the secret of life. Six inches ain't even average anymore, bro. Everybody's rocking eight inchers and having trouble walking because their dicks are so big.
Our supplement was created by witches in a sexy laboratory using black magic and natural testosterone boosters, and maybe a little bit of Ron Jeremy's blood (we tested him, he's clean). Finally, you can be one of those guys who takes pictures of his penis and sends it to women. That's what they want, you know. Proof that you're packing.
Please send your credit card number and five-hundred dollars to our Russian locale. We will send you all the supplements you need. Your penis will be four-hundred feet long and will require a team of pack horses to cart it place to place. Everybody will be jealous as you haul your monstrous meat about. Lock up your daughters, right? More like call the military 'cause Godzilla's here and he's horny as hell. Actually, we'll give you a penis capable of fucking Godzilla. It will be awesome.
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