Sunday, January 26, 2020

The Esteemed Critic Reviews Midsommar

Spoiler!

Peons, it has been quite some time since I've graced Pointless Venture with my literary genius. Alas, I have been busy standing in the unemployment line, waiting on government handouts with the other sad folk. The life of a literary critic is not all guns and roses, as they say, although certain aspects of my existence certainly seem to resemble an Axl Rose drug trip, or so I'm led to believe (I have sources). Anyways, enough about my personal tribulations. Let's get to my purpose for being.

Midsommar is the best horror movie I've seen since The Witch. Our protagonist is Dani, a grieving college student who has just lost her sister and parents in a bizarre murder suicide. Her boyfriend Christian is emotionally unavailable (like all men, am I right?) and pressured by his friends to ditch Dani before the tragedy comes to light. So, like a Seinfeld episode, Christian halfheartedly invites Dani to go on a boy's trip to Sweden with his fellow anthropology students, not expecting her to join them, but alas, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. The couple joins Josh, who is doing his thesis on midsummer festivals, Mark, who wants to party, and Pelle, who has invited the group to his ancestral commune to witness their particular version of midsummer. When they arrive, Pelle's brother immediately offers them hallucinogenic mushrooms, of which Dani reluctantly partakes. She begins to see her sister everywhere and panics, vanishing into the woods where she is discovered hours later. That should have been the end of Dani's journey; bad mushroom tripping is where I draw the line, especially if in a foreign country where everyone wears clogs, but I am not in a horror movie, although I sometimes wonder. The group meets the Hagra, who are decked out in hippie white gowns, and welcome the fresh blood to their humble community. I must applaud the filmmakers for emphasizing the communal nature of the Hagra, who seem to share emotions with one another, laughing and moaning in unison. The bucolic nature of the place is soon ruined by a ritual senicide, which freaks out a London couple. Things start going wrong then, and people disappear while Dani's grief compounds and the tension between her and Christian builds. This is a profoundly disturbing movie; I don't want to spoil everything, but there are some gruesome visions thrust upon the viewer, the aforementioned senicide being one of the worst. But Critic, I hear you asking, what does it all mean? Honestly, beats the fuck out of me. Haha! Had you! Midsommar is about killing your past to deal with grief. Dani loses her family, and so runs to the only person she has, who really doesn't want her. In the end, she is chosen by a new family, and despite her earlier trepidation, she finds solace in their embrace.

You know what makes a good horror movie, folks? Grotesque monsters and jump scares might frighten children, but a full grown man like the Critic craves thematic coherency. Give me the power of tradition, especially when that tradition demands a man be burned alive in the skinned carcass of a bear. Give me the horror of a shared consciousness, as well as the comforts it might bring. Show me how grief and catharsis can make a monster out of anyone. Do all this, and I might like your movie.

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