Video Game Review: Guardians of the Galaxy

 

Guardians of the Galaxy is a kick-ass third person squad action game that sort of flew under the radar last year despite being developed by Eidos Montreal, who are responsible for the newer Deus Ex games. It's a well-written game that preserves the bickering personalities of the Guardians and makes the player feel as though he or she is an active participant in a Marvel movie. Although they're not voiced by their movie counter-parts, all the voice actors do an excellent job. Drax is unintentionally hilarious because he doesn't understand metaphors; Star-lord is a smarmy doofus; Rocket is an emotionally unstable jerk, etc. You play as Star-lord, but you can direct the other Guardians during battle by tapping into their unlockable special moves. Star-lord is a ranged DPS; during certain points, he'll unlock different elemental firing modes for his blasters, which are useful for various enemy types as well as for solving the odd environmental puzzle. Drax is your tank, Groot specializes in entangling enemies, Gamora is your heavy damage-dealer, and Rocket is your ranged heavy. Combat is pretty fun and a decent challenge, although enemy variety could've been better. You'll mostly fight brain-washed soldiers and a few monsters that aren't particularly memorable. A late-game boss battle with Fin Fang Foom is an exception, and one of the few times that the game wowed me with a set-piece. The banter is what you're here for, and it's fun watching the Guardians eventually overcome their various shortcomings to become the galactic super-team they started out cosplaying as. My only real complaint is that the game has way too many quicktime events where you'll have to mash a button or direct both thumbsticks in a particular direction, lest you be threatened with repeating a cutscene. Graphically, the game is pretty. I played it on my Series S with the framerate unlocked, and it seemed to fluctuate between 45 and 60 fps. A locked 30 fps is available, so it's interesting to note that Microsoft's 1440p 60 fps advertising for the cheaper next-gen console is turning out to be bollocks (Guardians also runs at 1080p on the Series S). Still, it's available on Game Pass, and it'll take you about 18 hours or so to beat it. It's not quite at the same level as the other two games I've finished this year (Cyberpunk and God of War), but it's a cool title that I hope gets a sequel.

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New Old Music: Song of Songs

 

I redid the vocals and the mix of my grunge banger, Song of Songs, and so I'm sharing it with you, dear internet reader. Unfortunately youtube won't let you just replace a video with a new one, so I had to delete my old video. The new one is just as good and made with exactly the same amount of effort. So don't be disappointed.

New Music: Basket Case

 

I'm not a huge Green Day fan, but I've always appreciated their pop songwriting chops. For this one, I did a simple finger-picked arrangement and understated vocals, and I think Basket Case works pretty well as a folk song. An acoustic guitar should always be kept around the house to serenade your family with unwanted tunes.

The Esteemed Critic Reviews Total Recall, The Green Knight, X, Unforgiven, and the Wedding Singer

 Total Recall--Verhoeven at the height of his powers. An action-packed popcorn flick that asks the question "was it all a dream?" and hopes you're paying attention. Squibs burst like ripe watermelons and Arnold displays his bizarre everyman charisma. They really don't make movies like this anymore. Five buckets of butter-soaked popcorn out of five.

 

The Green Knight--A trippy reimagining of the medieval poem that is a feast for the eyes. This is a vivid film that takes its time. Gawain is a prisoner of destiny, yet he takes what little agency he has. All in all, a pleasant viewing experience, yet it didn't linger in my mind. Four hot dogs covered in Cincinnati chili out of five possible hot dogs slathered in Cincinnati chili.

X--Ostensibly a horror movie, yet X isn't very scary; rather, it's almost humorous, with its over the top violence and mirthful dispatching of its stereotypical 70's porn cast. Its villains, two lustful octogenarians, also elicit more laughs than shudders. Too often do its characters don the stupid cap, and too often does one have the thought that a good push would've incapacitated the physically decrepit murderers. Two and a half pieces of licorice out of a package of five uneaten pieces.

Unfogiven--The western that capped off Clint's career. An excellent movie that's interested in deconstructing the myth-making of the gunslinger. It isn't until the last fifteen minutes that we see that some legends are buried for a reason. Still my favorite western, and the cast is excellent, with Gene Hackman turning in a great performance as the vicious Little Bill. Five humongous cups of cola out of five humongous cups of the stuff.

The Wedding Singer--Not only a decent romantic comedy, but one of the few flicks in which Adam Sandler plays a character that is likable and not mentally addled. The eighties cosplay could've been done a little less heavily; other than that minor criticism, this is a sweet film from a man not known for having a lot of empathy (think Little Nicky; the Waterboy; That's My Boy). It earns an extra star for the Billy Idol cameo. Four jelly beans out of a box of five. 

Modern America's Entire Social and Physical Infrastructure Was Built by Moderates and Progressives, Not Conservatives

 

Example One: Social Security. Democrat Franklin Delano Roosevelt signed Social Security into law in 1935, thereby insuring that retired Americans would have access to some income after the age of 65.

Two: The Interstate Highway System. President Dwight Eisenhower's administration pushed for the federal highway system, which was implemented after the passage of the Federal Highway Act of 1956. Eisenhower was a Republican; however, he was a centrist, not a conservative, and considered Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt to be his primary influences. The Federal Highway system cost 114 billion dollars, equivalent to 535 billion in 2020. Can't imagine Republicans spending that kind of cash today, eh? He also passed the National Defense Act, which increased science education, as well as expanded New Deal programs and Social Security. Christ, he was basically a socialist! Talk about a RINO.

Three: Medicare and Medicaid. Democract Lyndon Johnson signed Medicare into law in 1965, establishing socialized medicine for old and poor Americans. What a fucking communist! Why couldn't he just let the free market provide? Oh yeah, I guess he wanted to help people instead of fucking them. What a piece of shit.

Four: National Parks. Created in 1916 by Democrat Woodrow Wilson.

Five: Unemployment Compensation. Passed as part of Social Security by that commie FDR.

Six: Civil Rights. Passed in 1964 by Lyndon "I'll show you my Johnson" Johnson, the Civil Rights Act outlawed discrimination based on sex, color, religion, race, or national origin. It abolished segregation in schools and prohibited voting regulations designed to prevent minorities from voting. The reason black and white kids don't have to drink at separate water fountains is thanks to this piece of legislation. 

Seven: Voting Rights. Christ, I'm starting to think that Johnson guy was the real deal. The 1965 Voting Rights Act basically enforced the 14th and 15th amendments, and massively increased black voting registration. Unfortunately, a conservative-dominated Supreme Court has chipped away at this landmark piece of legislation in recent years using the absurd logic that such protections are no longer necessary. It's almost as if having your laws interpreted by an unelected body that serves for life isn't a great idea, no?

Eight: Affordable Care Act. Fucking Obamacare! They're gonna put old people in death camps! Wasn't that what they said? I dunno, I just remember the propaganda around the ACA being insane, and this was before social media rotted everyone's brains. What the ACA did was ensure that everyone had access to healthcare, even if their job didn't provide insurance. A record 31 million Americans signed up for coverage on the ACA marketplace in 2021. Motherfuckers should've pulled themselves up by their bootstraps!

Well, what were some big transformative bills passed by conservatives? Ummm... oh, there's the 1981 Economic Recovery Tax Act, which cut the top tax rate from 70 percent to 50 percent and led to the tripling of government debt by the end of Regan's administration. So yeah, I would say that's right around the time when America stopped investing in itself and starting letting the rich hoard their gold. Don't ever let anyone tell you that liberals ruined America because the truth is that without the progressives of the past, Grandpa wouldn't have any Medicare for hip surgery, schools would still be segregated, the poor wouldn't have unemployment or food stamps, and you wouldn't have any freeways to drive on. What the fuck have conservatives ever done besides protect the money of rich people while infringing on civil rights? Oh yeah, I remember the Compassionate Conservative George W. Bush's endless wars in Iraqi and Afghanistan. And of course the Trump Administration passed another tax cut for the rich in 2018. There is a reason why the modern Republican Party runs on hate, fear, and propaganda, and that's because they have nothing else. Conservatives are not interested in making anyone's life better; in fact, they are heavily invested in making the average American's life worse by dismantling the policies that have powered this country since FDR passed the New Deal.  

Cyberpunk 2077 review

 

I feel as though if Cyberpunk hadn't had that disastrous 2020 launch, with the PS4 version being pulled from Sony's online store, it would've been remembered as a classic. It's not quite a great game, but it is very good, and it's chock full of memorable scenes and characters, more so than any game I've played recently besides God of War. Jackie Wells, Johnny Silverhand, Rouge, Panam, Judy, River--they are all well-written and believable, and I felt for them all during my 40 odd hours of play. Sure, Johnny's a douche, but he's also an idealist, and there aren't many of those left in Night City. Night City itself is rendered in such incredible detail that walking its streets is worth the price of admission. Towering skyscrapers, giant holograms, obscene advertisements--it's enough to almost support the illusion that you're in another world. Of course, the NPC AI will break that illusion fairly quickly, but I've always been the kind of person that buys into a gameworld instead of trying to break it. Are there bugs, even after many patches? Sure. I had an elevator button disappear on me, as well as a cop car levitate a couple feet above the ground. I encountered a handful, but they didn't ruin the experience. Regarding gameplay, Cyberpunk is best played when you're switching things up. It's basically a first-person-shooter, even if those shooting mechanics are governed by RPG number-crunching. I started off trying to specialize in pistols and rifles, and ended up adding a bunch of points to Cool for knife-throwing, and ended the game with an automatic sniper rifle that smart-locked onto enemies' heads. On Normal difficulty, it's pretty easy. Driving in this game is weird and erratic, and only motorcycles handle decently. Still, I preferred cruising around to fast travel, just for the chance to view Night City in all its dilapidated splendor. There are a few meaty sidequests, with some of the best involving Johnny and his former Samurai bandmates. As for the open-world elements, they're pretty forgettable, and mostly consist of repeatable hit jobs for the Night City police or purchasable cars. Because the story is so good, I didn't mind, but certainly the lack of variety and detail in these mini-missions is a disappointment. When you realize Cyberpunk is basically a Bethesda game with decent writing, then you appreciate it for what it accomplishes, rather than hating it for what it isn't. Certainly the marketing team is to blame, but the internet shoulders its fair share. I never thought this would be the game to end all games, which is why I probably ended up enjoying it. I'd recommended Cyberpunk 2077 to anyone who enjoys single-player RPGs. Let's pour one out for the RedEngine while we're at it, eh? It's disappointing to see CDprojekt moving to Unreal Engine 5. The RedEngine powered the Witcher 2 and 3 as well as Cyberpunk, and all these titles feature graphics ahead of their time. I'm worried about the performance of Unreal as well as the prospect of losing a cool custom engine. Anyways, time will tell if the move works out.

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New Music: The Sadness We Feel

 

Had a simple finger-picked guitar progression that I threw together into a sombre piece. Just a shitty old acoustic guitar that needs new strings and my telecaster. If last year was the year of covers, this might be the year of instrumentals. By the way, where the hell has the year went? I had plans for this blog. Ten posts a month! Unfortunately, time is not unlimited, and my creativity is stifled by my fatigue. Sometimes it's a lot easier to just sit on your ass and play video games and then go to bed. But then you have to remember that you are a person, and a person wasn't made to function solely as an automaton.

A Small Excerpt from A Novel That I'm Writing at A Glacial Pace

 

Eventually I found myself inside a bar. The TVs were soundless and tuned to the right propaganda channels. I sat down beside a woman who was no longer presenting as a man and peeled the mask off of my face. She had a masculine jawline and an Adam’s apple, and the shadows did her little favors. I found myself staring at the thick black hairs on her forearm until I realized she was looking at me. A gave the faintest smile—the smile of a murderer, perhaps—and then turned away as though the variety of liquor stacked against the wall had my sudden undivided attention. I looked again out of the corner of my eye and saw that she still stared at me. Well fuck I thought. Sometimes people felt they were owed a conversation.

A Small Excerpt from a Novel that I'm Writing at A Glacial Pace

 

The only thing I really remember is the television. Truck LeMond’s constipated frown watched everything, his curated sneer propped up by Botox treatments and millions of dollars of blood money from insanely rich septuagenarians convinced that liberalism was something you could stamp out if only you controlled all the media channels. I fixated on him too long, my eyes watching his, reading every lie that came from his lips. Now here was a target—the Goebbels of America—but I’d have to find his hidden broadcast studio located somewhere in rural New York. I looked down at my blood splattered hands and had a brief moment of clarity, during which my hands shook and my eyes widened in horror. But you can’t stand there blinking—once the choice has been made, there’s no going back, that innocence is lost, now you’ve done a thing and it can’t be reversed because time doesn’t flow backwards, at least not from a human perspective. And so I erased my doubts and destroyed the place, leaving it a burning ruin, the howls of the vanquished echoing through the night as I fled like Grendel from the Heorot, a new fire burning in my chest.

Juggernaut AI 5 Weeks in

 

-Holy fucking volume, Batman! How do you like 7 sets of 10 rep front squats followed by a side of 4 sets of 8 rep deadlifts? Did I mention that the first set of squats is supposed to have an RPE of 10? When you first boot up the program, it asks you how much volume you prefer. I picked moderate. I guess moderate means something else to a world class powerlifter (duh), but this shit probably isn't sustainable. Thankfully, once you've reported an RPE of 9.5, the Jug AI will delete sets. Also, after a week is completed, you have the option of lowering your volume on your main lifts. I'm just bitching about the last week of my hypertrophy cycle. Still, I hate sets of ten. We'll see what the next month brings (higher intensity, lower volume, it seems like).

-If you pick powerbuilding, the bodybuilding stuff isn't difficult, or at least, I didn't make it so. I picked easy stuff like inverted rows and decline pushups. I would suggest most users do the same.

-I'm very thankful I was conservative with my maxes. Doing so is always the smart way to train.

-Despite the volume, I've recovered pretty well, other than my left SI joint, which was aggravated during the second week. I'm pretty hopeful this program will result in some good PRs. You don't do this much volume without some decent results.

-Speaking of decent results, I think I've gained some muscle, particularly in my legs and arms. My scale is broken, but I'm hanging out around 198.

-Do the warmups, especially on lower body day. They do a good job of getting you loose.

-When I started the program, I had the option of doing a bridge block. I picked no because I didn't know what a bridge block was. In retrospect, I think that was a mistake, since a bridge block would've eased me into high volume training. Oh well. I feel pretty adapted now.

New Music: Instrumental

 

Instrumental is just a couple of riffs I had lying around. I feel as though it is vaguely reminiscent of a Tool song, albeit without Maynard James fucked-up lyrics or weird time signatures. Just some layered guitar over a drum loop.