The Esteemed Critic Reviews Total Recall, The Green Knight, X, Unforgiven, and the Wedding Singer

 Total Recall--Verhoeven at the height of his powers. An action-packed popcorn flick that asks the question "was it all a dream?" and hopes you're paying attention. Squibs burst like ripe watermelons and Arnold displays his bizarre everyman charisma. They really don't make movies like this anymore. Five buckets of butter-soaked popcorn out of five.

 

The Green Knight--A trippy reimagining of the medieval poem that is a feast for the eyes. This is a vivid film that takes its time. Gawain is a prisoner of destiny, yet he takes what little agency he has. All in all, a pleasant viewing experience, yet it didn't linger in my mind. Four hot dogs covered in Cincinnati chili out of five possible hot dogs slathered in Cincinnati chili.

X--Ostensibly a horror movie, yet X isn't very scary; rather, it's almost humorous, with its over the top violence and mirthful dispatching of its stereotypical 70's porn cast. Its villains, two lustful octogenarians, also elicit more laughs than shudders. Too often do its characters don the stupid cap, and too often does one have the thought that a good push would've incapacitated the physically decrepit murderers. Two and a half pieces of licorice out of a package of five uneaten pieces.

Unfogiven--The western that capped off Clint's career. An excellent movie that's interested in deconstructing the myth-making of the gunslinger. It isn't until the last fifteen minutes that we see that some legends are buried for a reason. Still my favorite western, and the cast is excellent, with Gene Hackman turning in a great performance as the vicious Little Bill. Five humongous cups of cola out of five humongous cups of the stuff.

The Wedding Singer--Not only a decent romantic comedy, but one of the few flicks in which Adam Sandler plays a character that is likable and not mentally addled. The eighties cosplay could've been done a little less heavily; other than that minor criticism, this is a sweet film from a man not known for having a lot of empathy (think Little Nicky; the Waterboy; That's My Boy). It earns an extra star for the Billy Idol cameo. Four jelly beans out of a box of five.