Crocs: Remember how everyone wore crocs in Idiocracy because the producers thought they were too hideous to ever to become popular? Well, that fucking movie turned out to be a documentary, and now you're more likely to see someone wearing a pair of crocs than a real pair of shoes, especially in my neck of the woods. Crocs look like what they would make Cosmo Kramer wear in the shower after the authorities dragged him to the loony bin. They are ugly, lazy, full of holes, and made of plastic, just like the American soul. They don't require socks or bending over. No one has ever wanted to see someone wear a pair of crocs. I don't know if they are comfortable or not because I would never put them on my fucking feet. Maybe when they drag me into solitary confinement they'll slip a pair on my hooves as a final fuck you. Crocs are the ultimate expression of how America has given up on everything from democracy to basic aesthetics. They are dumb-dumb shoes. Don't be a dumb-dumb. Don't wear crocs.
Deserted Streets: I think this is more of a small town thing, but I'm always struck by the complete lack of people when I walk around my neighborhood. Where are all the kids on bikes? Why is nobody working on their yard or hanging out on their porch? Where are the crowds of teenagers listening to music and drinking stolen beer? I think they're inside, messing around on their phones. It's amazing the extent to which smart phones have disrupted society. I never thought kids would stop hanging out because Tik-Tok videos are more interesting than real friends, but what the fuck do I know?
The Mass Popularity of Video Games: When I was a kid, you didn't talk about video games, lest you be accused of being a nerd. Sure, a lot of people played video games, but it was something shameful, like looking at pornography, and you sure as hell didn't advertise it, and no adults I knew played video games. Nowadays, nine times out of ten if I have a conversation with a thirty to forty year old dude, there's a good chance that they're a fellow gamer, and the subject will be brought up as casually as if you were asking what sports you follow. The stigma of spending hours by yourself in front of a tv or computer screen has all but disappeared. And while I absolutely love video games, I'm unsure whether this is a healthy development for society.
Influencers: I never thought that people would voluntarily watch strangers on the internet filming themselves speaking. Of course by now it should be clear that my understanding of human psychology was maybe not as complete as I thought it was in the past. The whole idea of an influencer is more or less incompatible with the cultural zeitgeist of the nineteen nineties. You'd be considered completely uncool for making nerdy little videos, and any ads would be evidence of your selling out. Society also used to want to know if someone was an actual expert before listening to them prattle on. But the real insidiousness of influencers and content creators is that people consider these strangers their friends because they have replaced the flesh and blood people in their lives. This is a subtle, subconcious switch, but I guarantee it has happened, if the complete collapse of people hanging out is any indication.
Trump as President: This is the three-hundred pound elephant in the room (yes, Trump is probably that fat). A decade on since Trump first became President, I still can't quite come to grips with that fact. There is more evidence out there that Donald Trump is possibly the worst person to ever be President than there is for the fundamental force of gravity, and yet every day brings some fresh horror. I understand that my fellow Americans are dumb and racist, but by god, how can they not see that this man is a grifter loser who couldn't care less about them and the country? He's a pedophile, a traitor, a rapist, a malfeasant, and an idiot. The crazy thing is that all of this evidence is out in the open and plain to see. But here we are, living through Trump's second term, sitting by idly as he uses his powers to destroy our country. Life is stranger than fiction. Give me Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho!
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