Monday, June 16, 2025

MAGA Explained by The Personalities of the Gang from It Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia

 

The Idiot

Idiocy is one of the defining attributes of the Make America Great Again movement. From brain-worm addled RFK undermining our vaccine expertise to ketamine-addicted Elon Musk accidentally firing half of our nuclear weapons administration, being stupid enough to believe and spread conspiracy theories is perhaps the cornerstone of this abhorrent ideology. Trump's entire economic policy seems to have been personally concocted by Charlie Kelly himself. Ask Trump to explain a tariff. Hell, ask him who his top bird law professional is, and I guarantee he will pull a name out of that vapid abyss he calls a brain. The idiot is nothing but confident, because he's too stupid to realize how dumb he really is. Perhaps Trump is an abortion survivor as well? I know Stephen Miller certainly is.


 The Psychopath

Trump's Chief of Staff Stephen Miller is a fascist obsessed with deporting immigrants. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem bragged about shooting her dog. Elon Musk's DOGE eliminated USAID, which will likely lead to the deaths of millions of people. Being a psychopath seems to be a requirement to work for Trump, who also shares many of the symptoms of the disorder, from his superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy, promiscuity, and impulsive behavior. Also like Dennis Reynolds, Trump has a long history of sexual assault. Oh, and he buried his ex-wife Ivanka on one of his golf courses, which is a very Reynolds thing to do.

The Child

If you asked me to describe the mental age of most of the MAGA movement, I'd say 14-year old manchild, e.g, Ronald McDonald. Read any of Trump's Tweets or take a good long look at Elon Musk (I'm sorry) or JD Vance, and you'll recognize the self-delusion, blind misogyny, and mean-spiritedness of your average juvenile delinquent. Always the habitual liar, Trump approaches the truth just like Mac--as a vehicle for self-aggrandizement rather than an objective fact. "The cost of eggs has went down 93, 94 percent!" claimed Trump, right after eggs hit a record high in March. I bet Trump thinks he knows karate too.


    The Narcissist 

What does MAGA really care about? Itself of course! From trying to back us out of NATO to humiliating Zelensky to taking a jet from Qatar, everything Trump and his allies do is for their perceived benefit and not that of the America people. If you want to get into Trump's good graces, flatter him or give him money like Elon did. Sweet Dee uses people to make her feel better about herself because she has no friends. Rickety Cricket is more or less you and me, unfortunately. Hopefully the average American doesn't end up homeless and addicted to drugs!


 The Grifter

You know what really unites the Gang? Their penchant for grift. For MAGA, the grift is life itself. Trump loves cryptocurrency, despite not knowing what it is (creating a federal crypto reserve, lol!) and his entire career in both politics and business has been a grift. Did you know that the producers of the Apprentice had to renovate Trump Tower because it was such a dump? How did the son of a multimillionaire convince working-class America that he was their lord and savior? By being racist, of course! Trump is Frank Reynold, and Frank Reynold is the spirit of MAGA. Sweatshops, selling out, and living the trash life for all! We are all fringe class now, baby! Dr. Mantis Toboggan is running America, and he's neither a real doctor or an actual mantis, and like the recipients of Frank's schemes, we're all the worse for his leadership. This country has certified donkey-brains.

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