New Music: Get Me Up-Knock Me Down

 

A two part song that switches from a rocker to a blues stomp. I wrote both of these on the keyboard and decided that they play off of one another. A soundtrack to a night gone wrong. 

Conan Brothers Q&A

OldDeadMan asks "What has changed about your weight-lifting routines now that you're forty?"

Dave: We feel like shit now when we wake up after lifting.

Arnold: When I lift I have to keep in mind the recovery cost now. Also, I feel I'm more vulnerable to injury. Going heavy on deadlifts after doing high rep squats cost me two weeks worth of rear hip pain.

Dave: Middle-age is a bitch.

Arnold: I'm holding on to the 45 to 65 definition. I got another five years! I've noticed a difference, though. I'm not the young buck I once was.

Dave: There's no reason to low-bar squat anymore unless you're competing. I don't do much overhead pressing anymore either. Best to save your hips and shoulders.

Arnold: Mid-position incline bench press is great for some shoulder action and it carries over to the flat bench press better than overhead pressing.

Dave: Also, form is everything. Hit those squats perfectly. No point in doing wobbly bench presses or bent-backed deadlifts.

Arnold: What's the point in doing anything, Dave?

Dave: You have to give yourself a reason to live, Arnold.

Arnold: Besides sexual propagation?

Dave: That might be your biological purpose, but you're a human being, and human beings need their own goals in order to obtain satisfaction in life.

Arnold: Cool.

...

BigBadVoodooDaddy asks "How's life under Trump treating ya?"

Dave: I have a deep-rooted pessimism that was instilled November 2nd, 2016, and it hasn't went away since.

Arnold: I have hope that we can continue as a country after Trump. He's old and will go to where the bad folks go when they die sooner rather than later. In the meantime, we have to participate in our democratic process and do what we can to make our communities better.

Dave: He's destroying the country, Arnold.

Arnold: I know, Dave. This is what the people voted for, though, isn't it? I'm pretty worried about the future of America independent from its degeneration into kleptocracy and fascism. Gen Z seems pretty fucking unhappy. They don't know how to talk to people because smartphones destroyed our social fabric; they're depressed because smartphones have destroyed our hope in the future; and they're unable to afford a house or get a job. Gen Alpha might be worse. These kids are being raised on Youtube and Fortnite.

Dave: Which is much worse than professional wrestling and teenage mutant turtles.

Arnold: I see your point, but television is nowhere near as addictive a technology as smartphones, social media, and pay-to-win video games. Your brain gets a dopamine surge not from actually consuming internet content, but from the anticipation right before you click on a video. This is the most insidious shit ever concocted, and people hand it off to their children without a second thought. We're raising an entire generation to be addicted to constant dopamine surges, and they're not learning how to be human beings. They're being taught how to be consumers.

Dave: Yeah, that sucks. I'm going to go throw my phone in a ditch somewhere.

Arnold: You should! We should all get rid of our phones as a society. There would be no President Trump without smartphones!

Dave: How so?

Arnold: Fox News doesn't even matter. Your average Trump supporter encounters MAGA influencers on Youtube or Tik-Tok. They buy into fascism through 45 second videos explaining how to trick women into sleeping with them or how to optimize their bodybuilding routine. This shit is addictive, as I've mentioned. Pretty soon they're buying into the latest conspiracy theory or whatever propaganda the MAGA trolls are feeding them, because they've never been taught how to think critically, and nobody watches legitimate news sources anymore, since that shit doesn't make money. The smartphone appeals to their emotions, negative emotions particularly, since human beings are wired to pay attention more to the bad than the good. This is how your uncle or teenage cousin became a QANON truther or a vaccine denier.

Dave: So life ain't great, huh?

Arnold: Life is fine! That's the irony of it. Trump is destroying the country, and we're doing okay personally. But a lot of people aren't.

Dave: Will the proletariat rise up and revolt?

Arnold: Don't use commie words, Dave. They might if the economy gets bad enough. Your normal Joe doesn't give a shit that the stock market is booming. If AI is as good as they say it will be (and I have my serious doubts), then nobody is going to have a job. A purposeless human being is a dangerous human being, Dave.

Dave: I don't want my investments to tank.

Arnold: No, but I think they will. Will it be the straw that breaks Trump's back? He's kept the richies happy so far. I don't know. Time will tell.

Dave: What an exciting time to be living through!

Arnold: Shut the fuck up, Dave.

...

 

GamerDad asks "What video games are you playing?"

Dave: South of Midnight was okay.

Arnold: Great presentation and graphics. Mediocre gameplay.

Dave: Every fight against the haints was the same.

Arnold: I did dig the story of a young African-American protagonist descending into a magical world constructed from various rural legends of the Old South. And the game really looks amazing. It's got a stop-motion effect to much of the animation. But as I kept playing, I kept thinking that every new power or gameplay element was derived from Jedi Survivor. "This power is like Force Push. This is like Dash. This is a grappling hook like every other third-person action game of the last several years."

Dave: It doesn't help that every chapter is constructed exactly the same.

Arnold: Hazel (your player character) has to discovered the source of trauma that spilling out into an area's environment and heal that trauma through battling haints and participating in some boss fight, then she has to run from a cloud in a platforming experiences that is also derivative of Jedi Survivor (wall running, dashing, etc...).

Dave: I feel like we're being too hard on the game. It was a fun time, and unique from a story/graphical perspective.

Arnold: You're probably right, but we played a lot of very good games this year. The criteria is increasing.

Dave: Still, check it out on Game Pass or for about twenty bucks or so.   

New Music: Hybrid Moments

 

What is this song about? Alien rape? Damaged love? Does Danzig even know? I doubt it. All I know is that it is a kick-ass punk song. A cover of the Misfits classic.

New Album: The King of Lo-Fi

 

The King of Lo-Fi is the third Theme Park Mistress album, composed of songs written and recorded this year. "Water" and "Horror Stories" are old favorites that I rerecorded; everything else was a new song. I think this my best collection of tunes yet. I'll be updating my post as the album goes live on various streaming services.

Tidal 

Spotify 

 Apple Music

Youtube Music 

New Music: The Coming of Fall

 

A little melancholy piano piece I wrote the other day. Perfect soundtrack for a fall day, eh? 

Videogame Review: Indiana Jones and the Great Circle

 

Indiana Jones and the Great Circle is an 2024 action-adventure game designed by Machinehead Games. Its aim is to make the player feel as though he or she is playing through an Indiana Jones movie, and it succeeds rather admirably in that regard. Utilizing a first person perspective with occasional shifts to third person (mostly for platforming), player will sneak through several Fascist-infested locations including the Vatican and Giza. Gameplay is divided into three categories: puzzles, platforming, and stealth-combat. Jones isn't an action hero--he can punch his way out of a jam, but more than one or two enemies, and he's better off fleeing than grabbing a machine gun. The melee system is pretty simple, and although I never really got the hang of how to parry (seems like you have to press it well ahead of when you should) Indie knocked out his share of Nazis during my playthrough. If you grab a gun and use it, every enemy will be alerted, so guns are really a last resort. It's better to flip that weapon around and use it as a Nazi-bashing tool. All sorts of environmental objects can be utilized in combat, from shovels to frying pans to guitars and scrub brushes. Stealth is pretty simple. Just hide out of sight and in darkened areas. Really, the game almost felt like playing a WW2 version of Thief sometimes. One annoying feature though is that Indie's companion Gina will brazenly creep right in front of a Nazi if you're sneaking, but he won't see her like she's a ghost or a figment of Jones's imagination. I'm guessing it was too annoying to have her out the player, so Machinehead Games just said "fuck it" and made her invisible.

Puzzles are never really very hard, which is fine, since you don't want to slow down gameplay too much, and this title is more about the ride than feeling like a genius. One particular puzzle involved a chess-like game where you have to rotate pieces in the same direction sequentially in order to access the next area of a tomb. Platforming involves mantling and using your whip to climb or swing to traverse the multitude of traps and pits that litter ancient tombs. This often necessitates a switch to a third-person perspective, and Indie looks pretty good rendered in the latest version of idTech. The game doesn't quite look as sharp as the latest Unreal Engine 5 titles, but it runs much, much better, and that's with ray-traced global illumination and reflections turned on. On my aging RTX 3080 12 gig, I was able to manage a locked 60 FPS without upscaling at 4k. I did notice copious amounts of pop-in, however, as geometry spontaneously loads into view, especially in the jungle levels.

What really sells this game is that it looks exactly like an Indiana Jones film. The story involves Indiana globe-hopping to keep several ancient artifacts out of the hands of Nazi archeologist Emmerich Voss, who resembles Arnold Toth, the SS officer from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Machinehead Games did the most recent Wolfenstein titles, and they're in their element crafting a WW2-era adventure. Honestly, the cutscenes are a bit long, but they're more satisfying to watch than Indiana Jones and Crystal Skull. Overall, I enjoyed the story and thought it held its own as an Indiana Jones adventure. Troy Baker does an excellent Harrison Ford impression, by the way. Over roughly 40 hours of game time, I never once said "that's not Harrison Ford," while hearing Baker voice Indie.

One note on the screenshots: I played this game mostly on my 4k OLED TV with HDR enabled. Windows doesn't have a good way of taking HDR screenshots, so they take two, one bright and one dark. So some of the screenshots don't look exactly like they did while I was playing.

 

  

Writer's Block: The Jaws of Life

I awoke this morning with an idea for a short story, and this is what I have so far. I think it is time to start working on another compilation of stories and poems. Enjoy the start of The Jaws of Life.

... 

As I stood before those masticating jaws, I suddenly knew that I couldn’t do it.

“I can’t,” I said to the gate agent.

“Excuse me?” he asked. He wore a red jacket with a little mouth pin speared through the lapel.

“I can’t walk inside that mouth, and let that thing eat me.”

“Uhhh,” said the gate agent. His toupee reminded me of a snake trying to swallow an egg.

I looked around for my clothes and saw them in a black garbage bag in the waiting area, so I started walking toward them.

“Wait, what are you doing? He is expecting someone! You’ve been prepared!”

My skin was saturated with butter, and black pepper fell from my graying locks.

“I just can’t,” I said. Part of me wanted to apologize, but I couldn’t. Not with those peg-like teeth and that giant tongue still visible beyond the threshold.

“What am I supposed to say to Him? They’ll make me talk to him, you know! I’ll be the poor sap that has to give an explanation! Look out there! Look at him! Does He look like something you’d want to climb up on a giant escalator and shout inside the ear of? Because that’s my day now, buddy. All thanks to you.”

I looked outside the window and saw Him sitting there, cross-legged on the tarmac, giant hands resting folded in his lap.

“I’m sorry. I can tell them that it isn’t your fault.”

“Of course it’s not! It’s yours! What you can do, buddy, is get back over here and climb past the threshold, and start your journey to the Great Beyond, like every other sixty-year old man! You think you’re the first person to have reservations about climbing inside of a giant mouth? It’s what we do, though, alright? It’s part of the deal we struck with the Gods. It’s the only way to the Great Beyond. You want to see your wife, right? Your parents? All your deceased loved ones? Then stop chickening out and get the fuck over here!”

All while he spoke, his volume had crescendoed from a whisper to a shout. I went over to the bag and put my clothes on, ignoring how the greasy butter made me feel. I knew that part of my hesitation was due to the fact that my system had always resisted the effects of hallucinaginc drugs. Yet who could die this way? Years of propaganda tried to prepare the mind for this gruesome end. However, the sight of that open maw quivering with anticipation filled my mind with more fear than I could even contemplate.

“I’m going home,” I told the gate agent.

He threw up his hands and shook his head, the toupee threatening to come loose from his skull.

“No one will pick you up from here. This is supposed to be a one way ticket. And you have to wear this now. No buts.”

With one quick motion, he slapped a sticker directly on the center of my forehead. I knew what it said.

Heretic.

 

New Music: Drive and Die

 

A sick psycho rocker set to a Cyberpunk 2077 police chase. I came up with the riff weeks ago and used my newly set-up Epiphone Dot to record it. It's got a nice, thick, bassy sound due to the humbuckers and semihollow body. The lyrics are a bit ridiculous, but isn't rock and roll supposed to be about cars and getting laid? Wasn't that what the Beach Boys were singing about? 

Weightlifting At 40; Mullet MadJack; The Value of Game Pass in 2025; Bone Lake

 

Here's a photo of my 40 year old carcass, like some sort of dweeb.

After losing weight last year, I've mostly kept it off. As of this morning, I weigh in at 188.9 lbs, which has been my consistent poundage for the summer. My weightlifting program is a split between powerlifting and bodybuilding, and although my strength numbers have never recovered, I feel as though I'm still doing pretty well, all things considered. Recently, I've deadlifted 410 lbs, bench pressed 220 for 5, and squatted 275 for 5 reps. None of these are particularly impressive lifts and they're far away from my best performances, but let's be honest; at this point, it's about staying in shape while being as strong as you can without hurting yourself. The demands of my job and the pressures of parenthood keep optimal fitness a distance goal. Had I a sedentary job, I could probably lift a little harder. But that's not the situation, and I'm content with my current condition. 

Mullet MadJack is an rogue-like speedrunning first person shooter that I played on Game Pass. It has a very tongue in cheek story about our eponymous protagonist trying to rescue a pop-star princess from the clutches of a Robobillionaire, who has absconded with her in order to prove that God isn't real. As Mullet MadJack, you have ten seconds to kill a robot; otherwise, you'll flatline, because Jack has himself hooked up to a cellphone stream, and the needs of the dopomine-crazed masses require constant stimulation and violence. Is developer Hammer 95 trying to say something about our current internet addiction? Maybe, but the shooting is so good that's it's difficult to concentrate on any message. I picked the starting pistol and upgraded it to level three where I had infinite ammo and didn't have to reload anymore. Time is life, and it's an excellent adrenaline rush to dash from enemy to enemy while the time ticks down. Mullet MadJack scratches the same inch that Neon White did, and I really dig it.

What I really don't dig is that Microsoft just increased the price of Game Pass Ultimate to 30 dollars a month. At the previous price of 20 bucks, Game Pass was a dubious value. For example, I've subscribed for one month, and I just renewed for October at 20 (The price increase doesn't kick in for subscribers till November). I've played over 30 hours of Indiana Jones and The Great Circle, yet I'm seemingly only about halfway through the game. Other than the 16 or 17 hours I've spent with Mullet MadJack, I've only dabbled in Carrion and Hollow Knight: Silksong. My son has played a few games but nothing to completion. So I've essentially paid 40 bucks for Mullet MadJack and half of Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones has been on sale for 55 bucks on Steam several times recently, and seeing how it looks like it might take me two months or more to complete it, how does Game Pass make sense when I could just buy the title on Steam and not have to worry about finishing it before being charged another Andrew Jackson? At 30 bucks, a triple A single player game will have to be finished in a month for any sort of value to be extracted. I'm interested in playing Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, which is currently only on the Ultimate tier of Game Pass. It's been on sale for 41 dollars on Steam recently. If it takes over a month to complete, then I've paid 60 dollars for a 41 dollar game! Sure, I might have time to try other games, but where's the value? It seems like Microsoft has finally realized Game Pass is too expensive, and since they put all their cards in that basket, they're going to gradually kill the service that has kept X Box alive this feeble generation. Oh well. As a PC gamer, I appreciated the value of Game Pass, and my son's X Box Series S is a good entry console, but it seems as though this is the deathblow to the brand. I'm sure console gamers will be excited to pay 700 bucks or more for the Playstation 6 in a couple of years.

Bone Lake (not Boner Lake) is a decent B horror movie. It takes the overbooked Air BnB concept and plays with it a bit. The main characters wear their idiot caps for just long enough, and the violence is suitably gruesome. I liked the cast as well, although I mistook Maddie Hasson for Florence Pugh. It's not the most original flick, but it's a good hour and thirty minutes at the theater. 

   

New Music: The Last Battle

 

A piano-driven instrumental ballad, The Last Battle is built around a Cmajor7 to C-E-F#, which I guess is a C augmented fourth? The progression is closed by an Am6, which is one of my favorite chords, before transitioning to an Em7 to D6 to C-E-F# for the second part of the song. The fast action of Mullet Madjack is a nice contrast to the slow-paced song, but I feel like it might almost be an anime cliche to have a slow ballad over an action sequence. I dunno, I don't watch much anime. 

New Music: Hard To Say

 

A grungy alt-rocker married to Doom: Dark Ages. Used the telecaster on this one. It's my go-to hard rock riff maker. 

The Esteemed Critic Reviews Superman (2025)

 

James Gunn's Superman is a mostly successful attempt to revitalize the iconic character and bring his hopeful optimism and goodness to a new generation. It's no secret that the once omnipresent superhero genre is now struggling--other than the atrocious Deadpool and Woverine, nothing is coming close to Avengers: Engame or the last Spider-man in box office numbers--and we're just talking about Marvel movies, not DC. Gunn is known mostly for the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, which are humorous, competent fair. Superman has a slavish attention to detail that previous entries have lacked--Jimmy Olsen, Kryto the superdog, and Cat Grant make appearances) and the audience immediately understands that Gunn comprehends the character and understands his appeal, unlike, say, Zack Snyder. David Corenswet wears the cape well, dispelling my fears from the trailer that he appeared a little too boyish. Rachel Brosnahan is a competent, if a little remote, Louis Lane, and Nicholas Hoult is an appropriately vicious Lex Luthor. My main problem with the film is how poorly it fits into the time it was made. There are allusions to events in the real world, such as Russia's invasion of Ukraine and the manipulation of sentiment through social media, but it all feels... wrong. Seeing a little boy raise a homemade Superman flag while an invading army looms over him pulls me out of this universe and makes me think about how America has let Israel run amok in annihilating Palestinians or how the Trump administration has extorted Ukraine. Similarly, Lex Luthor is successful in riling up the people against Superman with one stolen video, the veracity of which everyone just accepts as true, because the experts told them so. That the video is true isn't the point--people believe what they want to believe, evidence be damned--and the optimism that the masses would put their faith back in a legitimate hero and support Luthor getting what he deserves is just so goddamn naive that I have a really hard time stomaching it in 2025. I'm not arguing that Gunn shouldn't have made a hopeful, optimistic Superman movie. It's just that such a film doesn't play well in our current era, and the hero's essence--Truth, Justice, and the American Way--is so incompatible with Trumpism that I'm having a really hard time seeing it through any other lens than that of the cynical, post-hope liberal doomer. That's on me, not Gunn. Maybe something will happen that will restore my faith in American idealism. But right now I can't reconcile a world, even a fictional one, in which Superman can exist. 

New Music: Black Friday

 

What does the refrain Black Friday mean? I dunno. It just came to me as I was making up the lyrics. The blues stomp came first. In honor of Hades 2 releasing today, here is a little tune that meshing well with it, in my humble opinion. 

Pointless Poetry Episode Three

 

I feel like I wasn't enunciating enough while reading these poems and stories, right? It's hard not to be a mumble-mouth when you're wearing a luchador mask. 

New Music: I Will Not Survive

 

I Will Not Survive follows the Circle of 4ths, starting on a Bm9 chord, but ending on a F#7 (you gotta end the circle somehow!). The snake-like guitar arpeggios that open the song remind me of Johnny Marr's playing, which was an influence, although it's hard to pen down his exact sound. The lyrics perhaps refer to a jilted lover or even a refugee torn from his or her nation by oppressive forces. I won't pretend to know what that feels like.

Bad Poetry: On The Death of a Nazi

 

You left behind

Two little children

And a beautiful wife

Had they been shot

By an assassin

It would have been "worth the cost"

In your words

So that we can have the right

To bear arms against each other.

When you said that

You weren't thinking of your family

Or yourself.

The people who died would be other people

Like the children killed in Colorado

The same day as you.

You couldn't stand empathy

As you said "A made up, New Age term"

And so I will not give it to you

As you would have preferred.

The New York Yankees gave you a moment 

Of silence

And so did Speaker Johnson

Because you were one of them

A spewer of hatred

Bigotry

And lies.

A rich white man was killed

And the children are forgotten.

Let us look in derision

At the life you led

And mourn the lives that were lost

To guns and demagoguery.

Let us mourn those lives

But not yours.

It is what you would have wanted.

Worth the cost, I'm sure

To someone other than you.  

Checking in with the Average Trump Supporting Family

We're deep into 2025, and it's been quite the shit-show, with Donald Trump dismantling the government, flagrantly breaking the law, and pushing the economy toward a recession, all while increasing his authoritarian agenda and managing an approval rating just a couple points underwater. What does the average Trump supporting family think? We're checking in with the Whites to get a pulse on how they feel the President is doing.

Pointless Venture: Howdy, Mr. White. What do you do for a living?

Mr. White: I own a window replacement business. As you can see, I'm doing pretty well.

Pointless Venture: That's terrific! I'm happy for you. What do you think of President Trump's performance so far?

Mr. White: The tariffs are hurting my business. My storm windows are made outside the United State, so I'm paying almost fifty percent more to import them. There isn't a domestic manufacturer that makes storm windows at an affordable price, so I'm left with no alternative. I've had to raise prices. Now I'm not getting the business that I used to.

Pointless Venture: So you're not happy with the tariffs? President Trump campaigned on them.

Mr. White: Yeah, but I didn't expect them to affect me directly. I thought the other countries were going to pay them, not us.

Pointless Venture: So you didn't know what a tariff is.

Mr. White: No, of course not! I'm not sure if the President does either, though.

Pointless Venture: So do you regret your vote for President Trump?

Mr. White: Hell no. He's cleaning out the cities of illegals. Hopefully he'll target the goddamn commies next.

Pointless Venture: President Trump's use of ICE to illegally deport US residents doesn't give you pause?

Mr. White: No. We need to get rid of the liberals and do-nothings.

Pointless Venture: You support the formation of a secret police force beholden to the President?

Mr. White: Now when did I say that? You're putting goddamn words in my mouth. To put it quite simply, I'm prepared to take an economic hit as long as the people I don't like get what they fucking deserve.

Pointless Venture: I see. The fascism is the point for you?

Mr. White: Yeah, I guess. Fascism is one of those fucking words you guys like to throw around like a sledgehammer. Well guess what. We're the ones swinging the hammer.

Pointless Venture: All right, thank you for your time, Mr. White. Let's move on to Mrs. White. Please introduce yourself.

Mrs. White: I'm a homemaker and proud mother of two beautiful children.

Pointless Venture: That's great. What sort of job do you think the President is doing?

Mrs. White: They're keeping the bad history out of schools, which is good. I also support RFK's efforts to remove colored food dyes, although I'm a little worried about being able to get the COVID vaccine.

Pointless Venture: You believe in COVID?

Mrs. White: Well, I didn't, but then Robert's dad got very sick after we visited him during the pandemic, and he almost died, and I've always felt as though we were responsible, because Timmy probably had COVID, he couldn't smell anything. Since then, I've always felt like we should get it when we get into cold season, but Robert doesn't feel that way.

Pointless Venture: Are you alarmed at the Trump administration's cuts to public health?

Mrs. White: I'm more alarmed at the cuts to the Department of Education. Jill is about to go to college, and her councilor told us that she might not be able to get any financial aid if they eliminate it.

Pointless Venture: What about your grocery bill? Has it gotten any cheaper?

Mrs. White: No, actually I'm spending almost fifty to seventy dollars more a week on groceries. Our electric is also going up. They're building one of those AI data centers close to us, and it's really hiked up our bill.

Pointless Venture: President Trump seems to be pretty friendly with the big tech CEOs that are pushing AI. Does that bother you?

Mrs. White: Yes. He said he would bring groceries down, but they've gotten more expensive. Also, my sister can't afford a house and she's been looking for a year. It seems like working families are really being squeezed.

Pointless Venture: Is the President to blame?

Mrs. White: I will say that everything was cheaper last year. I don't know, though. I don't follow the news.

Pointless Venture: Do you regret voting for Trump?

Mrs. White: No, absolutely not. I wasn't about to vote for a childless woman who slept her way to the top!

Pointless Venture: Donald Trump has been accused multiple times of sexual assault, and he was convicted of assaulting Jean E. Carroll in civil court.

Mrs. White: He's also a very famous, rich man. They have it out for him. They always have.

Pointless Venture: Thank you for your time. Can we speak with your children?

Timmy: Yo.

Jill: Hello.

Pointless Venture: You both look like you are of voting age. Did you vote for Trump?

Timmy: Hell yeah!

Jill: I didn't.

Pointless Venture: Why not, Jill?

Jill: He's a fascist.

Pointless Venture: Did you vote for Harris?

Jill: No, she supports genocide.

Pointless Venture: The Israeli-Palestinian situation has worsened since Trump took office.

Jill: Has it? I haven't paid much attention lately. It hasn't been on my feed.

Pointless Venture: So Timmy, do you think the President is doing a good job?

Timmy: I could use a job. I've been looking for months.

Pointless Venture: Do you think the hiring downturn is the President's fault?

Timmy: I dunno. Joe Rogan still seems to like him, so I guess maybe not?

Pointless Venture: Why did you vote for Trump?

Timmy: He's fucking hilarious. Also, he hates the feminists like I do.

Pointless Venture: What's a feminist, Timmy?

Timmy: That sounds like a liberal trap, commie. I'm not going to take the bait.

Pointless Venture: So have you had a date since you voted for the President?

Timmy: That's not your business, fucker! Dad, get this asshole out of the house.

Pointless Venture: Come on, Timmy. Answer the question. Have you ever touched a woman?

Timmy: Get your beta-cuck ass outta here, bro!

Pointless Venture: Thank you for your time.

The Whites: Fuck you!  

New Music: Music For Video Games: Booking It

 

This short instrumental rock song is dedicated to Neon White, a unique first-person platformer that's one of the best video games I've ever played. It's become something of a routine to do one of these every Sunday in an hour or two. It really helps my creative process that I have my computer, guitars, mics, and preamp all together in one room, ready to record. For years I used an ancient Athlon X2 PC from around 2007 to record upstairs in my attic, and all my stuff was spread out and disorganized. Keep your workspace tidy, people! Who the hell am I preaching to? Nobody reads this blog, haha.

 

New Music: Music For Video Games: Rallying Cry

 

This one is a hard rock track dedicated to team play games with your mates, like Helldivers 2. I used the Big Muff and it really tears through this song like a rampaging lion. 

New Music: Music For Video Games: Sneaker

 

A moody instrumental dedicated to those sneaky immersive sims like Thief and Dishonored. Man, I would probably give one of my organs for a new Deus Ex, Thief, or Dishonored, provided that some of the original devs were involved. I had a lot of fun with this song. I wrote it piece by piece, starting with the initial guitar riff and adding on from that.

New Music: Music For Video Games: FPS 1999

 

Who wants to get fragged? Shit, I'm so old I remember the days of being called a haxor. The internet was a beautiful thing back in 1999. You had to be either a kid who knew what was up or an actual nerd to "surf" the world wide web. Nowadays the internet just depresses us and makes us stupid. I guess Something Awful predicted the future with its motto.

FPS 1999 is a drop D riff-rocker inspired by Unreal Tournament's kick ass soundtrack which is probably my favorite video game soundtrack of all time. If you weren't riffing in drop D tuning, then you weren't a real alternative metal band back in the day.

New Music: Music For Video Games: Massive Space Effect

 

The first in an instrumental collection, Massive Space Effect is a techno-ambient ode to space operas and the vastness of the universe as represented in electronic entertainment. I came up with the piano chords today on a whim and then put together this ramshackle piece in about an hour. It's basically in D Dorian with the inclusion of a flattened fifth and then a key change to C major. 

It's Not Cool to Be a Loser

 

Uhhhgggg. Like who wants to do anything, right? I don't want to go outside. Outside, there are Trumpers, the patriarchy, war crimes, and sunlight. The world is irrevocably fucked, so why even care? Inside, I have all the things that I need.

Instead of thinking or doing things, I'd prefer to mindlessly scroll on my phone. Hit up Instagram, Tik-tok, Reddit, and a bunch of shit I don't even know what it's called. They call them Reels because they flash past your eyes and displace reality. They paint a beak, dystopian picture that weighs on my heart like a brick of lead. The algorithm provides and I shall feed from what I am served.

I have spent five-thousand hours of my life this past year playing video games. I have sat so long in this chair that on three occasions I have had to go to the hospital for my painful, impacted bowels. I paid forty dollars for this game a year ago, but I swear to god if they change a fucking thing to my displeasure this next update, I might have to kill something. The developers owe me because this game is my life. The progression and sense of adventure that living might have afforded me had I any ambition have been replaced by my character's level in the virtual world. Does it make sense to live like this? Despite all of my rage, am I, as Billy Corgan said, just a rat in a cage? Billy had enough perspective to know he was a fucking rat. I don't because loserdom has reached the mainstream. Some studies estimate that 60 percent of young men aren't dating. Why date when you can just jerk off and then play video games for hours?

Why try when you might fail?

There used to be cultural pressure that prevented the mass adoption of loserdom. When I was a kid, you didn't talk about video games all the time, because that's what nerds did. When I was in college, you went to parties even if you were an awkward dude, because how else were you going to meet someone? I might have only played beer pong once or twice, but by god, I played it and I lingered in the corners, trying to muster enough courage to speak to that cute girl in the hat across the room. Back in the past, if I wanted to go home and jerk off, I'd have to risk giving my computer the virtual equivalent of a thousand STDs. Nowadays, I can give an internet prostitute my credit card number and she'll suck on her toes or lick her armpits or indulge whatever weird fetish I've latched onto because my brain and libido have been mutated by the unreal volume of internet porn I've consumed over the last decade. Everyone does it! There's no shame when everyone is a big, fat loser.

I've got friends still, somehow. Every once in a while they'll ask me to do something. Usually I'll ghost them, because I prefer to stew in my depression, nursing my impacted bowels, rather than actually leave the house and do something. I got friends in the video game. Sure, I'll never meet them, but we have shared experiences, hours spent together killing aliens. The rat doesn't want to leave the cage, alright? He's been conditioned to pull the lever and get that sweet, sweet dopamine even if he's miserable inside. All the virtual stimulation in the world won't replace hanging out with your flesh and blood friends. All the limp masturbation doesn't replace actual sex with a real person. Five-thousand hours in a video game doesn't make a life.

Ehhh, fuck it. I can't get up. I'm old and fat and worn out, even if I'm only forty. Maybe tomorrow. Probably not, though.   

Bad Poetry: Turning Forty

 

Turning Forty

It's hot outside and I stink

The fetid odor of ammonia

Rising from beneath my shirt

To assault my nostrils.

Why does my chest hurt?

Why are my muscles always sore?

Truly, I am a physical marvel at my age

At this time

In this place.

So why do I feel like shit?

Why has a deep malaise settled in

Like fog seeping over the Ohio?

This mild discontent

Sours my birthday

And makes me think

Of death and time

And all the terrible malefactors

Presiding over the land of the free.

I just want to forget about news

The stressors of life

My job and all my sundry duties

Is that so much to ask?

Turns out, it is.

Welcome, friend, to adulthood.

You're middle-aged, bitch.

Most of us didn't make it this far.

Be thankful what you have.

 

New Music: There's Nothing That I Wouldn't Do

 

A dark murder ballad that I wrote a week or two ago on the piano, just hammering away on that D while slowing doing a Dorian walk up. I do like the bridge part a lot. It's a D minor to a C to a B diminished to a little blues riff involving a C-G# dyad. The chorus has a chromatic walk down that reminds me of 70's music. Although this sounds nothing like them, I have been listening to Steely Dan. 

Video Games Reviews: Slay The Spire; Hades; Returnal: Arkham Knight

 

Slay The Spire is one of my all-time favorites.

Slay The Spire: Another classic that I've only just recently gotten around to, Slay The Spire is a roguelike deck-builder, a mashup of genres that I've never been particularly interested in; however, I purchased the game for my son and checked it out after he abandoned it, and man, this shit is addictive. With four different characters, a ton of randomized relic and card drops, and a map that's never exactly the same, Slay The Spire has all the ingredients of a time vampire. It's a game about crafting strategies and adjusting on the fly, and you'll always find the time for another run. Really, I almost don't recommend it, because you'll have trouble stopping yourself from playing it.

Hades: Just like Slay The Spire, Hades has the roguelike formula down pat, although it actually makes demands of your reflexes unlike the aforementioned deck-builder. Where Hades really shines is its phenomenal art design and compelling cast of characters taken from Greek mythology. It's freaking hard, though, just like Slay the Spire. Also, I'm not quite in love with its gameplay, for unless you get the right Boons (powerups given by the Gods) you'll often find your hits underpowered. Still a classic worth twenty or one-hundred hours of your time.

Returnal: It looks great, with an aesthetic that borrows from H.R. Giger, but man, I can't quite get into Returnal after about ten hours. It's another roguelike, which is probably the issue. After spending so many hours dying in Slay the Spire and Hades, bashing my controller against the floor in Returnal is less desirable than it might be otherwise. It's a bullet-hell title, so dodging is more important than aiming, but I haven't even escaped from the first biome and there are apparently five in total, so maybe Returnal just demands more of my reflexes than I'm capable of giving at the moment.

Arkham Knight: The closing title of Rocksteady's Arkham trilogy, Arkham Knight was a title I grabbed off the Epic Games store a couple years ago when they were giving away free games like candy. It's amazing how well Arkham Knight's graphics hold up--if you updated the textures and patched in DLAA, you'd think it was a modern game and not 2015 title. The batmobile is the big gameplay addition, and it is admittedly pretty cool and fun to handle, even if some of those Riddler challenges demand a little too much of the physics system. Insomniac refined what Rocksteady did--Spider-man's combat system is a little more intuitive and he certainly gets around better than Batman and his wings--but they basically copied the whole design of their Spider-man games from Rocksteady's series. My only real complaint is that Arkham Knight is weighed down with countless mini-games and side quests that distract from its narrative. I'm sticking to the story, which is pretty good. Batman's hallucinating the Joker and might be actually turning into him due to some sort of blood disease, and he's got to find Scarecrow before he kills Barbara Gordon... well, you don't play these for the story, right? You feel like the Batman, and who doesn't want to pummel some jabronis into submission with your bat fists? 

Pointless Poetry: Episode 2

 

This is still a blog where I write posts, correct? Yes, yes, it is, it's just we're moving to a post-literate society, and what better way to hop on the trend then read my poems to the illiterate masses? Seriously, though, despite being kind of stupid, it's fun making this shit. I do a fake ad for boner pills, read a story about an alien abduction, and do a poem on both masturbation and fascism. Man, I am the voice of a generation. Now what generation exactly, that I don't know... 

New Music: Walking Down The Street

 

A little Alt-Rock song that's pretty catchy, if I do say so myself. A brief, perhaps not too poignant expression of ennui, Walking Down The Street chugs along, powered by an acoustic guitar in the left channel, a distorted strat in the right, and the bass in the center. The video is just me drawing stupid pictures. Has a real 90's feel, don't it?  

Pointless Poetry: Episode One

 

The King of Lo-Fi is here, and he's going to lay some poetry down on your ass! Seriously, I'm a grown-ass man. What am I doing? Why, taking my poetry to the net, where it is surely destined to succeed. Give it a listen.

Conan Brothers Q&A

Dave: So we just moved.

Arnold: From the house we lived in for eleven and a half years. My god, my dude. We should've rented a dumpster.

Dave: Every time you called a trash company about renting a dumpster, they talked you out of it.

Arnold: I know, but we would've filled that fucking dumpster to the brim. Useless holiday decorations. Broken furniture. Obsolete electronics with missing power adapters. Baby clothes.

Dave: Baby clothes? Why did you have baby clothes?

Arnold: Don't ask questions, man. We just answer them.

Dave: I'm more jacked than I was a couple weeks ago, and it's all from moving furniture up and down flights of stairs.

Arnold: We should invent a workout machine that simulates moving.

Dave: No one would ever workout again.

Arnold: I took a van load of junk to the pay dump and watched as a bulldozer the size of a house compacted our trash against a concrete wall. Oh my god, the smell. You can't wash that shit off.

Dave: Where does it all go, Arnold? What are the consequences of our wasteful, consumer lifestyle?

Arnold: Shit, dude. This country has done fucked around for decades and we're in the process of finding out. And I'm not even talking about consumerism or environmental degradation.

Dave: You're talking about politics. Again.

Arnold: That's the true curse of the Trump era. You can't escape this shit. Some terrible thing occurs and you can't help but talk about it, for how else are you going to process it? They're building concentration camps in Florida. The Supreme Court is cool with Trump illegally firing entire government departments. The fucking tariff nonsense is still going on while Trump tries to distract his idiot base from the fact that he won't release the Epstein files. Qanon jack-offs, listen up: the evidence that Trump and Epstein were best-buddies was always in the open. You can find pictures of them together. Quotes by Trump, even. But who the fuck am I kidding? You guys can't read.

Dave: Weren't we walking about moving?

Arnold: Fuck, Dave. Someday I'll be able to have a conversation without it devolving into a political bitch-fest. Right? Tell me that day will come, Dave. Please.

Dave: Do you want me to tell you what I think or what you want to hear?

Arnold: Christ... I don't know anymore.

...

 

GaryTheMary asks "Rogue-likes. Good or bad?"

Dave: Dumb question.

Arnold: Only kind we answer.

Dave: We've been playing Slay the Spire, Hades, and Returnal, so I guess good?

Arnold: Slay the Spire is video game crack. Haven't collected the keys and beaten the Heart, but I've completed the base game with all four characters.

Dave: Hades is really good but frustrating. Theseus and the Minotaur always cost me about 2 deaths, which means I'm short on Death Defiance for Hades.

Arnold: Returnal has great graphics and an artistic style reminiscent of Alien but it is also hard as hell.

Dave: I find that playing Hades has made me better at Returnal, even though one is a two-dimensional isometric action game, and the latter is a triple-A 3d title.

Arnold: Shoot and dash. Rinse and repeat.

Dave: All three are great titles but I'm starting to tire of the repetition. I yearn for a linear, conventional action game.

Arnold: Yeah I'm looking at Clair Obscur and Indiana Jones with greater and greater interest.

Dave: Nothing would hit the spot right now like punching Nazis in the face.

...

YoungBucksSuck asks "Tv, movies, what are you guys watching?

Dave: It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia and The Bear.  

Arnold: Sunny is comfort food. The Bear feels real but it is stressful.

Dave: Sinners was great too. The vampires almost felt unnecessary. I would've watched a movie about two Chicago gangsters on the run who return home to start a juke joint. 

Arnold: I thought that the vampires were wonderfully creepy. That scene where Preacher Boy pierces the veil with his music will stay with me.

Dave: As will the one where the white chick spits in Michael B. Jordon's mouth.

Arnold: Yeah there's some fetish shit going on in this movie. A lot of cunnilingus occurs or is referenced.

Dave: Good movie!  

New Music: I Came Down From The Mountain

A strange ballad in the form of rock 'n' roll music playing 6/8 time. I wrote and recorded this yesterday, just out of the blue. It seems all of my creative energies go toward writing and recording music now. I like this one. Hopefully you do as well.

New Music: A Picture In My Mind

 

A 70's style singer-songwriter ballad that's currently sitting at 7 views on Youtube. There's just so much out there that you're basically pissing into the void whenever you upload a video or post a blog. Am I bitter? Ehh, I don't know. The times, they are a changing. I know that I've improved drastically as an artist and that I'm capable of producing art that would amaze my younger self. I've been very lucky in life, so my dearth of success as an artist is okay. At least, I'm at peace with it right now.

MAGA Explained by The Personalities of the Gang from It Is Always Sunny in Philadelphia

 

The Idiot

Idiocy is one of the defining attributes of the Make America Great Again movement. From brain-worm addled RFK undermining our vaccine expertise to ketamine-addicted Elon Musk accidentally firing half of our nuclear weapons administration, being stupid enough to believe and spread conspiracy theories is perhaps the cornerstone of this abhorrent ideology. Trump's entire economic policy seems to have been personally concocted by Charlie Kelly himself. Ask Trump to explain a tariff. Hell, ask him who his top bird law professional is, and I guarantee he will pull a name out of that vapid abyss he calls a brain. The idiot is nothing but confident, because he's too stupid to realize how dumb he really is. Perhaps Trump is an abortion survivor as well? I know Stephen Miller certainly is.

 The Psychopath

Trump's Chief of Staff Stephen Miller is a fascist obsessed with deporting immigrants. Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem bragged about shooting her dog. Elon Musk's DOGE eliminated USAID, which will likely lead to the deaths of millions of people. Being a psychopath seems to be a requirement to work for Trump, who also shares many of the symptoms of the disorder, from his superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy, promiscuity, and impulsive behavior. Also like Dennis Reynolds, Trump has a long history of sexual assault. Oh, and he buried his ex-wife Ivanka on one of his golf courses, which is a very Reynolds thing to do.

The Child

If you asked me to describe the mental age of most of the MAGA movement, I'd say 14-year old manchild, e.g, Ronald McDonald. Read any of Trump's Tweets or take a good long look at Elon Musk (I'm sorry) or JD Vance, and you'll recognize the self-delusion, blind misogyny, and mean-spiritedness of your average juvenile delinquent. Always the habitual liar, Trump approaches the truth just like Mac--as a vehicle for self-aggrandizement rather than an objective fact. "The cost of eggs has went down 93, 94 percent!" claimed Trump, right after eggs hit a record high in March. I bet Trump thinks he knows karate too.

    The Narcissist 

What does MAGA really care about? Itself of course! From trying to back us out of NATO to humiliating Zelensky to taking a jet from Qatar, everything Trump and his allies do is for their perceived benefit and not that of the America people. If you want to get into Trump's good graces, flatter him or give him money like Elon did. Sweet Dee uses people to make her feel better about herself because she has no friends. Rickety Cricket is more or less you and me, unfortunately. Hopefully the average American doesn't end up homeless and addicted to drugs!

 The Grifter

You know what really unites the Gang? Their penchant for grift. For MAGA, the grift is life itself. Trump loves cryptocurrency, despite not knowing what it is (creating a federal crypto reserve, lol!) and his entire career in both politics and business has been a grift. Did you know that the producers of the Apprentice had to renovate Trump Tower because it was such a dump? How did the son of a multimillionaire convince working-class America that he was their lord and savior? By being racist, of course! Trump is Frank Reynold, and Frank Reynold is the spirit of MAGA. Sweatshops, selling out, and living the trash life for all! We are all fringe class now, baby! Dr. Mantis Toboggan is running America, and he's neither a real doctor or an actual mantis, and like the recipients of Frank's schemes, we're all the worse for his leadership. This country has certified donkey-brains.