Wednesday, November 27, 2024

The Esteemed Critic Reviews Deadpool Versus Wolverine; They Live; When We Were Kings

 

Deadpool Versus Wolverine: Let me just get this out of the way: I despise Ryan Reynolds. Apparently I'm not alone: Defector calls Reynolds cinema's kryptonite, an assessment that I mostly agree with. Reynolds is the white Rock, a generic pretty boy who plays the exact same, fourth wall-breaking character in every single stupid film he's ever been in. So of course, he's perfect for Deadpool, a smarmy motor-mouthed imbecile whose amorality and quips are supposed to be charming and endearing, instead of obnoxious and frustrating. I don't get the character's appeal, alright? Spider-man is a wisecracker who doesn't reference pegging or gangbangs (I'll reluctantly give points to Deadpool Versus Wolverine for sticking to its R rating), and while the Whedonesque dialogue that filled Avengers movies lost its charm really quickly, at least none of those motherfuckers had Reynold's grating voice. The only reason I had interest in Deadpool Versus Wolverine was the inclusion of Hugh Jackman, whose Wolverine was part of my childhood. Jackman is a legitimate movie star capable of decent performances (check out The Prestige or The Fountain) but he's been unable or unwilling to abandon the role that elevated him to stardom. At 55 years of age, he's still impressively swole, and the lines and wrinkles that mar his movie-star visage are appropriate for Wolverine, who plays the gruff straightman to Deadpool's incessant chattering. The movie is as passably entertaining as a video game cutscene, and by far its best idea is having Deadpool and Wolverine transported to a universe where forgotten superheros are left to die (Jennifer Garner's Elecktra and Wesley Snipe's Blade make an appearance). However, this multiverse shit is becoming cliche at this point (and again, it's Spider-man's thing!). The whole fucking movie is a meta-joke, with Channing Tatum's Gambit pining that he doesn't even know what universe he belong to (Tatum famously wanted to play the character, but Fox couldn't make it happen). Watching Deadpool Versus Wolverine is like watching a bunch of internet memes strung together by AI, connected only by various references to superhero deepcuts that only the most diehard fans will likely be able to comprehend. Sure, maybe this movie wasn't made for me, but when you include one of the most iconic superheros of the past several decades (X-Men was in 2000!) I'm not sure you can make that argument. Perhaps the younger generations, with their decaying attention spans and love for 45 second videos can make sense of Deadpool Versus Wolverine. I'm just glad I didn't have to pay good money for this shit.

 

They Live: Maybe not John Carpenter's best, but They Live has a fifteen minute wrestling match between Rowdy Roddy Piper and Keith David in a disgusting alley, and you gotta appreciate that. The critique of capitalism and consumerism is very on the nose. Aliens are masquerading as humans, engineering society for their benefit, subliminally encouraging mindless consumption and procreation, and only a homeless drifter with a special pair of sunglasses can see through their disguises. Piper's initial reaction to being privy to this information is to go on a shooting spree and starting spouting dialogue that Duke Nukem would appropriate years later ("I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all out of gum.") The clear death of the middle class dream is the real poignant point; masses of people live in homeless encampments, echoing the current housing crisis, despite the fact that They Live was made in the 1980's. Piper finds work by haggling with a construction foreman, after being turned down by the unemployment office. The dystopia is here, baby! I don't know if it would be terrifying or relieving to find out that the elites are secretly skeletal aliens and not just selfish humans bent on planetary destruction. Definitely worth a watch.

 

When We Were Kings: It's crazy to think of how the passage of time affects everyone, even global icons like Muhammad Ali. We're fifty years removed from the Rumble in the Jungle, Ali's boxing match against George Foreman in Zaire. There's a moment at the end of the documentary where Spike Lee laments the lack of knowledge kids have these days (these days being 1996) of their history. Do children today know who Muhammad Ali was? Do they recognize how he was the most famous athlete in the world for decades? Do they know his involvement in politics, despite the risks? How he was jailed for refusing to be drafted into the Vietnam War, or how he championed black rights and independence? One fact that I didn't realize was how Ali was the greatest promo of all time. He could effortlessly put down his opponent with digs both insulting and humorous, while maintaining a certain hubris that was endearing in its honest. Hearing Ali brag was watching a man fully committed to his iconic status. He knew he was the greatest, and by god, he was going to be the greatest. A mesmerizing trip back in time. 


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