Monday, September 20, 2021

My Least Favorite Songs of the Grunge Era

 

Just a bunch of cool dudes hanging out.

Disclaimer: Some of these song are by my favorite bands. The 90's was the last time rock and roll reigned supreme. I am nostalgic for that scene. That being said, I'm not a fan of the following songs.


1) Possum Kingdom by the Toadies. "Do you want to die?" No motherfucker, I don't! Despite its obvious pop merits, the lyrics of this classic seem to be referring to a sexual assault, and although I doubt the writer was intending it to be some sort of rape anthem, I can't help but turn the dial when this tune comes on.

2) Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam. Eddie's voice is real hit or miss for me, and this one's a definite whiff. I have no idea what this dude is a saying. All I hear is a hobo gargling chestnuts while singing out of the sides of his mouth. Guitar work is stellar, though.

3) Sex Type Thing by Stone Temple Pilots. Yeah, it's got a killer riff, and lead singer Scott Weiland is quoted saying "I never thought that people would ever seriously think that I was an advocate of date rape" but come on man, you're singing in the first person, what do you think the meatheads are going to think? The problem with satire is that people are too dumb to know what's a parody and what isn't. Weiland was a talented singer, but he had a habit of pulling an Eddie Vedder, although at least you can understand what he's saying most of the time.

4) Glycerine by Bush. I fucking hate Bush. They can be summed up as a British Nirvana rip-off without any of the punk stylings or songwriting chops that made the Seattle rockers interesting. Glycerine is a grunge power ballad. Like everything Bush did, it sucks.

5) You Know You're Right by Nirvana. The last song recorded by the band before Cobain's death, You Know You're Right honestly sounds like something Nickelback wrote. Okay, it's not that bad, but Kurt's singing almost sounds like a caricature, sort of like how Elvis started over-emphasizing certain vocal tics in his Vegas days. Pretty much the only Nirvana song I'll immediately turn off.

6) Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins. This shit sounds like emo. Billie's voice is an acquired taste, yet it's the teenage confessional quality of the lyrics that really make me hurl. Another ill-advised alt-power ballad.

7) You Oughta Know by Alanis Morisette. Okay, Alanis was not for me. Every woman my age holds her in high regard. I really don't have a lot of problems with the song, it's the goddamn vocals that get me. I don't think there's anyone else in music that has a more piercing voice than Alanis Morisette. If you want to kill your dog as painfully as possible, then I'd imagine blaring You Oughta Know at an excessive volume would do the trick.

8) Prison Sex by Tool. What was with the grunge era and rape? According the Wikipedia, this song might be about lead singer Maynard James Keenan's abuse suffered at the hands of his stepfather. That's fucking terrible; however, so is this song. Christ, reading the lyrics makes me want to vomit.

9) Nookie by Limp Bizkit. Can you think of another song that exemplifies the runaway misogyny of the late 90's better than Nookie? 14 year old me ate it up at the time, because teenage boys' brains aren't fully developed and all those budding hormonal urges can manifest as resentment toward the opposite sex. By far the worst song on this list. Shit, it barely qualifies as music. If you put a bunch of handicapped chimpanzees in a room and forced them to play guitar, the results would likely be far more listenable.

10) Thunder Kiss '65 by White Zombie. Man, I almost took this one back after watching the video, which is awesome. That being said, I have no idea what Rob is saying. Duh duh duh da-duh da duh! Thunder kiss baby! Mr. Zombie's tuneless vocal ejaculate spews over the most unmusical heavy metal possible. At least it grooves!

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