Well folks, tis teh season to stick yard signs in yer yard taht display yur most promonent religion. Slack has him a Trump sign in front of teh trailer even though no one can see it, wich is why he hammered one-hundred of them on teh trees and animamals surroundin us. I mesylf can't abide teh orange menace, but teh last sort of argument you want ta have wit Slack is one about Drumpf 'cause he thinks he's taht besteest thing since donuts or confedrat asshol tattoos. Bein' teh sole Communists in taht family, I already used my Constiutional right to vote early, thou it wont matter in my state 'cuase of teh Electrocution Collage. IN fact, teh nice lady wit teh behive in her hair took my ballet an threw it in teh trash wit teh rest of teh mail, but its teh thought teh counts, hah. Lemme tell ya about teh importance of voting: it's really, really important. My intire family are Trump supporters, an tehy are about teh worst people I've ever met. Uncle Tom is a convicted woman-tenderiser; Slack is a meth0head an a hater of colors; Reuben went missin after he pooped in teh gazeebo. Yall gotta cancel culture these people out. Tehy are all into Q, taht guy from Star Trek who was always messin' wit Cap'n Picard. Well I guess he says taht Trump is savin us from teh Klingons and tehr nafarious scheme to eat all teh Vulcan childrens, which would me we wouldn't have no more computer wizzes or autistic savaunts. That sounds liek a bunch of nonsense to me. Now I no what yur sayin: that ol' Goon couln't find no diffrence between his asshole an a hole in teh ground. Keepin taht in mind, my family is even dumber tahn me. Slack once gotta his wenus stuck in a tree; Reuben dont eat mayonnase 'cause he think it poisonius; Uncle Tom cant read no better tahn a raccoon. If I leave teh trailer, I make sure I diddn't leave teh matches out, lest Slack burn teh whole wood down tryin to heat up a pot of meetloaf. When I say Meetloaf, I mean I loaf of bread stuffed wit mystery meat. I told ya tehy dont got no brains.
I guess waht Im sayin is you gotta half hope in teh world, hope in people makin' each other better an not worse. All Drumpf is for is hatin' yur neighbor while tehy die of teh coronavirus. I aint votin fer nobody who dont take no responsibility for nuffin. Every time Slack pisses all over teh toliet seat, he don't clean it up. I think tahts teh best metapoor for waht Trump's done to are country. If only I could convince ol Sam to ditch him. Hes made an apple man fer Trump, an' every night he hang a raccoon pelt on his head. Perty soon teh raccoon pelts are gonna rise up to teh sky. I don't know waht his lookin' fer, but I sure as hell hope he dont find it. So get out tehr an rock teh vote liek Pdiddy was sayin.
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