Conan Brothers Q&A

PandemicBlues asks "How is quarantine going for you guys? Or are you part of the population that thinks the Coronavirus is a hoax?"

Dave: I believe in science.

Arnold: Bro science, in particular.

Dave: Bro science has its merits in real science. It's group knowledge passed down from people who have experimented. Sure, it might not followed the scientific method point for point, but it's not nonsense.

Arnold: You gotta eat protein twenty minutes after you workout or your gains go poof.

Dave: You have to supinate your hand for maximum biceps contraction.

Arnold: If you don't wear the same leopard print thong in the gym every single day, you can't squat for shit.

Dave: To answer the question, our quarantine is going swell. We don't really leave the house much anyways. Our basement is our laboratory, so the gyms being closed doesn't affect us. We have porn. Arnold has a blowup doll that is almost as much of a real person as he is.

Arnold: We also always wear bandanas over our faces in public, so yeah, nothing's changed. Shit is a bit surreal, though, ain't it? Not a lot of people in the street. Masks on about ten percent of the public. Toilet paper shortages.

Dave: I can't believe we're still having trouble getting TP.

Arnold: At some point, you gotta have enough, right? Oh wait, I just realized something.

Dave: What?

Arnold: Assholes can never have enough toilet paper.

...

GamerBob asks "What are you guys playing? The whole world is gaming right now."

Arnold: Metro Exodus, when it's not crashing our computer.

Dave: We just built a new system, and the other night it powered off by itself while playing Metro. I thought for sure that the power supply or motherboard had burned out, but it booted right back up. This fucking game, man. If it wasn't so good, I'd uninstall it before it actually caused the computer to explode.

Arnold: We got a three month subscription to X Box Game Pass from AMD when we built our new PC. It has a pretty good selection, probably worth the 10 bucks they ask if you play a lot of games.

Metro is gorgeous. Well, not the actual metro, but when they let you outside.

Dave: I've been playing Rise of the Tomb Raider, but the plot is so cliche, and it's such a standard third person action game that I'm thinking of ditching it.

Arnold: Was it the Gears of War influence that turned Lara Croft into a homicidal maniac? I remember playing the original Tomb Raider, and I think you fight maybe three humans all game. Most of the time, Lara gunned down endangered species and mutants.

Dave: The big, blockbuster single player/open world game is like its own genre. Think Assassin's Creed, Tomb Raider, maybe even Witcher 3 and Jedi: Fallen Order. They're all sorta RPGs, though not to the extent of say, Divinity 2. The controls will be the same. Your character can platform. You might have to make a few choices. There will be blood.

Arnold: We're not complaining. I like most of those games. It does seem as though they're all designed from the same document.

Dave: It's called "accessibility." Present the familiar in a slightly different package and watch as it sells.

Arnold: Then how come my fantasy novel never took off?

Dave: You didn't sleep with enough people in the business, and now you'll never get another chance to be close to another living person.

Arnold: Thanks a lot, coronavirus. I think it's appropriately named. Corona is a shit beer.