I wrote this in about fifteen minutes, and it took me about an hour and a half to record. I used my Pitchfork effects pedal to make the organ-like noise that compliments the basic guitar and bass. Who needs three chords? We only have two to work with, the I and the VI. I do my best white guy-trying to sound like a 60's soul-singer impression, so that's always good. Also utilized the same Bo Diddely that I used on Time.
Much has been made of whether or not the Republican led Senate will confirm some of Trump's bonkers Cabinet picks. Concerns have been expressed; Alaska's Lisa Murkowski said of Mat Gaetz "I don't think he's a serious pick for Attorney General," whereas Susan Collins of Maine was "shocked" by Trump's choice of Gaetz. Yeah, Mat Gaetz is an asshole--he wore a gas mask into Congress to protest Covid lockdowns, and the Justice Department was investigating claims that he engaged in sex with underage girls--but unlike his potential boss, he was never convicted of sexual assault. Nobody recorded Gaetz bragging about grabbing women "by the pussy." Objections have also been made about Tulsi Gabbard, who Trump has picked to run the National Intelligence Services. Gabbard has a long history of being a Russian apologist, to the point where many consider her either a useful idiot for Putin or an actual spy. Why object to Gabbard when Trump has defended Putin on many an occasion? What about all the Russian money that has flowed into Trump's coffers over the years? He's as least as compromised as Gabbard.
Republicans have largely declined to comment about Robert Kennedy Jr., Trump's choice for director of Health and Human Services. Maybe that's because RFK doesn't believe in vaccines or fluoride; maybe it has something to do with the fact that he dumped a dead bear in Central Park or sawed the head off a beached whale, or looks like he snorts Creatine like cocaine. While RFK has a history of making specious health claims, so does Donald Trump. Remember when he suggested injecting bleach during the Pandemic? What about his battery theory of life force?
Sure, Trump may have picked a Fox News host for Secretary of Defense, but why object to Hegseth's lack of experience or his sexual assault payout when the President elect is guilty of the same? Republican Senators can hem and haw all they want, but there's no point in pretending that the corruption doesn't come from the top. Just give the people what they want, alright? A plurality voted for Donald Trump, despite knowing very well that he's a monster. They don't believe in objective reality--Donald Trump is whatever they want him to be, even though we have a comprehensive record of how big a piece of shit he is (he's a massive dookie). For too long, Democrats and responsible members of Congress have bailed out Republicans every time they try to destroy the country. Maybe a little dysfunction and mayhem is what we all need to finally see the light. When groceries increase in price due to Trump tariffs, maybe they'll see. When worker protections are removed, maybe they'll know. Perhaps when the deportation camps are established, Latino voters will realize that Trump was serious about deporting undocumented aliens, even if they are family members. Maybe when the Department of Education is abolished and their rural school districts close, voters will know that they fucked up. If Elon Musk eliminates the social services they depend on, maybe they'll realize Donald Trump isn't their lord and savior. Or maybe they won't learn a fucking thing. I don't know. But I hope they don't find out, even if it might be a learning experience, because I don't want this country to be destroyed, even if it would hurt the ones who knowingly voted for a fascist.
Garage Music is the best of Theme Park Mistress, essentially. I picked and chose the best of my work and tried to put together an album that sounded somewhat coherent, a challenge considering I'd written and recorded these songs throughout the years rather than in one sitting. Did I accomplish my goal? I dunno! Give it a listen on Youtube music, Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal, or any number of streaming services.
Last night, I had a dream where I willing walked into a haunted house. It was less a house and more like a temple; the opening yawned like a gaping abyss. The voices of demons echoed through the darkness, and as soon as I stepped past the threshold, my vision went black. "The only thing I have to fear is fear itself," was my mantra, and I kept walking while saying those words. Eventually, my vision cleared, and I was in a house, one still enshrouded in darkness, but I could see. I had to comfort a priest, I remember that. Eventually, my wife woke me up, so I don't know how the dream ended, but if it wasn't a metaphor for America's current situation, then I don't know what it was.
Apparently, two of the biggest issues Americans voted on in the 2024 Presidential election were crime and the economy, so it makes perfect sense that we elected a convicted felon pushing inflationary policies like tariffs. There was a clear contrast in character between the two candidates; one was a former prosecuting attorney, while the other lost a sexual abuse trial and tried to overthrow the government. Somehow, Americans completely forgot the chaos and dysfunction of the Covid pandemic, when contradictory information was coming from the government every day. Did no one remember how Trump told us to inject bleach while downplaying the number of people who were dying? Did no one remember the fight over masks and the empty store shelves, the closing down of businesses, the general apocalyptic feeling the pervaded daily existence? I guess not. Instead, people complained about the best economy in the world. There are certainly some big problems in the housing sector, and even though inflation has returned to normal levels, the price increases have stayed. The economic vibe wasn't good, even if the feeling didn't match the facts. While I understand the urge to switch it up (every single incumbent party in the world lost this year!), Donald Trump should've never been an option. He should've been impeached in the Senate and therefore lost his ability to run for office. Merrick Garland's Department of Justice should have immediately went after Trump for his crimes instead of waiting until 2022. The media should have hammered Trump more instead of sanewashing his incoherent, fascist ramblings. Shoulda, woulda, fucking coulda. Instead, it's deja vu all over again.
The Washington Post, which conveniently refused to endorse a candidate this year for the first time since the eighties (Bezos was impressed by Trump's raised fist after nearly being assassinated), is famous for its motto of "Democracy dies in darkness." The truth is, democracy drowns in bullshit. Our media is controlled by billionaires and charlatan grifters. There are no newspapers anymore, and half of Americans get their news from social media, which is inundated with disinformation. Partisan biases make it impossible for Americans to have a clear picture of candidates. When you live in a bubble where your friends, co-workers, church members, and media are all proclaiming Trump the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, how can you think any differently? Doing so would require a level of education not attainable for many Americans. In short, the reelection of Donald Trump isn't surprising when you consider how uninformed, partisan, and ignorant the vast majority of the American electorate is. This is the nicest way I can put it. Frankly, Americans are stupid, and the voters are incompetent. There's a very good chance Trump's 10 percent tariffs and government deconstruction will greatly worsen the economy, and voters will respond by electing Democrats in 2028, that is, if Trump hasn't destroyed democracy. We're not on our way to Idiocracy. We're already there.
Who the fuck thought we'd be back here again, eh? I had a sneaking suspicion back in 2020 when the Biden blowout didn't quite materialize. Ol' Donnie Shitbritches has an iron grip around the throat of the GOP, despite having stubby, tiny baby hands. Republicans are all too eager to embrace a future of 10 percent tarrifs (which we'll have to pay--that's how tariffs work!) and institutional destruction. You guys like Elon Musk? You know, the richest motherfucker on the planet, who is mainly famous for fucking up Twitter (reducing their value by 80 percent) and having the brains of a teenage edgelord? Trump wants to put that guy in charge of gutting the government. Lest you think that a good thing, Elon promises "temporary hardship" for Americans if Trump gets reelected. That's the world's richest man saying he's going to fuck up the economy to the detriment of most Americans. This is the sort of headline that should influence the average voter, but if you're on the Trump train still, after he tried to overthrow the government, mishandled the Covid pandemic, and became a convicted felon and sex offender, well then hell, brother, what more can I say? Did you know that he wants to put former NFL player Hershel Walker, who has beans for brains, in charge of missile defense? What about the fact that he wants to shoot his most prominent critics? You could roll the dice and pull a random crackhead off the street, and he would likely have a stronger moral fiber than Donald Trump. A whopping 24 figures who worked in the first Trump administration, including his Vice President, Attorney General, and Secretary of Defense (Mike Pence, Bill Barr, and James Mattis) refuse to endorse him, because they have first-hand experience with his total incompetence. These are hardcore Republican bigwigs, not just low-level aids. The biggest danger of a second Trump presidency is that all the adults have left the room, having been unceremoniously kicked out of the party. White supremacists like Stephen Miller and Steve Bannon will run the show, along with billionaires like Musk.
Aren't you tired of hearing about this horrible man? Do you not regret his specter hanging over all of our lives? Donald Trump should've been known mainly for his cameo in Home Alone 2, or maybe his Wrestlemania appearance. He should've been laughed at for his stupid toupee, or his crass boorishness. Trump the buffoon, Trump the failed businessman, Trump the laughing stock of the eighties. Trump the President of the United States? What sort of nightmare is this? They modeled Biff from Back to the Future off this motherfucker. Surely this isn't the asshole who destroys our democracy?
Fuck this asshole. Come on, America. Let's send him back to the filthy gutter of D-list celebrity from whence he came. That, or prison.
Ion Fury is a 2019 first person shooter developed by Voidpoint and published by 3d Realms, the latter of which I wasn't aware was still around. 3D Realms was known mainly for Duke Nukem 3D, one of the classic shooters of the 90s, and a game that I somehow have never played. Ion Fury is a spiritual successor, as far as I can tell. There's a ton of interactivity in the levels, from destructible fire extinguishers that blow chunks out of the walks, to being able to consume fast food lying around or throw a dart stuck on a board at enemies. Of course, a computer from the 90's would never be able to run this game, with its updated engine. There are huge open spaces and an incredible amount of environmental detail that far eclipses anything from the past era of 2.5D shooters. Ion Fury really is a gorgeous-looking game, and its aesthetic is ruined techno-dystopia and urban decay, similar to Robocop. You play as Shelly "Bombshell" Harrison, a wisecracking warrior mowing down cybernetic monsters while trying to apprehend Dr. Jadus Heskel, who resembles Dr. Kleiner from Half-Life. Ion Fury has many references to shooters of yore; its levels are riddled with air ducts like in Deus Ex, while its shotgun-wielding transhumanist enemy looks almost exactly like a Combine soldier. The guns themselves feel excellent--the penetrator, a shotgun/grenade launcher, absolutely annihilates enemies, transforming them into squishy gibs. The loverboy, Shelly's revolver, has a handy auto-aim secondary fire that's always satisfying to use. A pair of uzi machine guns that fire incendiary rounds are also a mainstay, along with a crossbow that really needs a scope. Bowling balls, little rolling grenades, are great fun for taking out large groups of enemies. A chaingun that never has enough ammo, and another throwable explosive called the clusterpuck finishes the arsenal. Although very solid, Ion Fury really misses a couple unique weapons, like Unreal's razorjack or Half-Life's snarks. Enemy variety is also poor. You'll be destroying the same three basic transhumanist enemies for most of the runtime, along with little cyborg spiders that really suck to hit, due to the Build Engine's difficulties with perspective and aiming. There are also some other enemies that the game adds during its runtime to mix things up, but you'll always be battling the aforementioned foes, which gets a little dull. The level design is usually pretty good, with the exception of a mid-game slump that has you wandering around underground. Figuring out where to go can be a challenge, and requires you to get into that retro-shooter mindset. Hunting down keys and remembering where locked doors are is essential. Also don't forget that your electro-baton, your basic melee weapon, can restart generators, which is required for progression.
Difficulty is a complex balance in shooters. On one hand, you don't want a game free of challenge. On the other, you don't want to be frequently banging your head against the wall as you struggle to progress. Most of the time, you have enough ammo and health on regular difficulty in Ion Fury. But there are periods where you're down to a smidge of health and you can't find any ammo for your shotgun. Scrounging the levels for secrets is almost required, and while there are a lot of them, I definitely was frustrated on occasion. I originally purchased Ion Fury a couple years ago and bounced off of it. I'm glad I gave it another shot, but I would only recommend it to boomer shooter fans, which are, after all, its main audience. If you haven't played through an old shooter like say, Dark Forces Remastered, in a while, then you may find yourself stumped by the level design and difficulty. But there is a lot to appreciate here, from the complex level design to the gorgeous dystopian aesthetic to the solid old school shooting. So check out Ion Fury if you are a boomer shooter fan only.
One other note: Shelly has constant one-liners that fucking drive me crazy. "Oh my god, the quarterback is toast!" "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto!" "Dodge this!" You'll hear these about a million times, and I know the fun is supposed to be tongue in cheek, but man, this ain't no Bulletstorm or even Atomic "choke on this and die, you fat turd!" Heart.
Regret
is drinking
a third
of a bottle
of Four Roses
bourbon
and then playing
video games
for a few hours
into the evening
and then having
your eight-year old
wake you up
with an electronic
pop-it toy
before 6:30
in the morning,
and later having
to clean up
dog poop
in the house
because
the goddamn dog
didn’t poop outside,
so you take it
out through the abandoned
streets of downtown Aurora
sprinting in the cold
marveling at the lack
of people
of the quiet
the silence
and stillness
of dark morn.
What did I say
about regret?
I’ve already forgotten it
and I’m ready
to do it again.
A riff-based funky rocker with me doing my best David Byrne impersonation. Another oldie that's sat on the back burner for ages. One day I will record every song I've ever written to my satisfaction.
Pete "Pillow" Davidson, 35 years old, employed at a odor-eater distributor where he sometimes makes urinal cakes disappear into his armpits.
Current whereabouts: Staring at 45 second videos on his phone while he sits on the front porch of his trailer eating an entire bag of oatmeal creme pies.
Why he's voting for Trump: IMMIGRATION! They're coming over the boarder like zombies of death! I get tired of seein' em at the Mexican restaurant. Though I suppose they oughta have Mexicans at a Mexican restaurant. I just wanna see less of them. Also, Trump won't make me pay my child support, which I haven't been paying. When the hardworking, rural people of this country rise up, all them richies in DC and NEW YORK CITY will have to pay. WE MAKE YOUR FOOD. I MAKE YOUR URINAL CAKES. Kinda hard to pee in a toilet without a urinal cake, ain't it? FUCKING LIBTARDS WILL GET WHATS COMMING TO THEM!
Billy Richards, 49 years old, owner of a HVAC business that's constantly telling customers that their system is on the brink of irrevocable, catastrophic collapse.
Current whereabouts: Sitting at home on his couch, tweaking his Tinder profile while his wife toils in the kitchen.
Why he's voting for Trump: Look man, eggs shouldn't cost ten dollars at the grocery store. Gas shouldn't be five dollars a gallon. And frankly, I don't give a shit what happens to Ukraine. Where's that at? Fucking Asia? Americans care about meat and potatoes issues, like how many black people are allowed on the street after dusk. You think I want my daughter to get an abortion? If she gets knocked up, she's out on the street, I don't give a fuck. Tilly, where the hell's my dinner at? Jesus fucking Christ, she's getting fat. TILLY! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DINNER?
Remy Nottingham, 28 years old, youth minster at a church where they use props like Bugs Bunny.
Current whereabouts: On his computer, spreading misinformation that he thinks is true.
Why he's voting for Trump: I don't care if Trump is racist. No one does, except for liberals. I want someone to bring back Christian values by eliminating no-fault divorce and forcing the Bible into schools. The Bible says that a woman is the property of a man, and Ray Charles says that a woman's place is in the home. Nobody knows that better than Trump. By the way, I'm well aware of the man's faults. So he likes a steak well done. Is that a crime? The Bible says "judge not, that ye be not judged." Take a look a yourselves, liberals. Abortion is a crime!
Glenda Delano, 25 years old, housewife and Youtuber.
Current whereabouts: Gloating on video about how her traditional role as a homekeeper makes her more money than her husband earns (which isn't true).
Why she's voting for Trump: Traditional gender roles! We want to turn back the clock to when women were women and men were men! Is it feasible for only one working parent to support a family in America? Who cares! That's how it should be! All these transgender sex change operations are destroying the family fabric of this country! Did you know Kamala has never born a child? How many children has our glorious leader sired with his fertile seed? More than you can imagine! If you've never been pregnant, you're not a woman. Trump will hurt the people who I don't like. Is there any other reason to vote for someone?
I was fairly certain that Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2 would end up being a 6 or 7 out of 10 after playing the single player campaign, but after several hours spent in its Operations multiplayer mode, I'm giving it higher marks. This is a game designed around cooperative play, and although the AI isn't terrible, you really need another human player to make it interesting. For the campaign, you play as Titus, an Ultramarine serving penance for the events of the first game, which I didn't play. Titus is called out of obscurity to help fight against a Tyrannid invasion, and the plot soon centers around a Mcguffin that Chaos forces are bent on acquiring. The only semi-interesting beat is Titus's distrust of his squadmates, who also view him with suspicion, but they all come-around in the spirit of manly fascism. Space Marine 2's bulky boys don't have any criticisms of their imperial techno-hell; they're all too-ready to sacrifice themselves for the Imperium. There's none of the underlining criticism of totalitarianism that powered Gears of War--this is a straight up power fantasy about giant space marines squashing xenomophs and demons. And that's fine, really. I don't need a whole lot in a video game story. But something a little stronger thematically might have saved Space Marine 2's campaign from being as boring as it is.
Operations mode is a cooperative gametype where you play with two other players and accomplish objectives parallel to Titus's squad from the single player. This basically boils down to holding a point for a while while a timer ticks, although there are several boss fights that require player coordination. The Tyrannids are nasty aliens that'll swarm you, while Chaos forces have turned Space Marines as well as demonic hordes to deal with. You'll have a decent collection of bolt rifles and melee weapons to wield. The multiplayer is class-based, and the two classes I've spent time with are the Vanguard, which has a grapple hook as their special ability, allowing you to grapple onto enemies and pull yourself toward them, and the Assault marine, who specializes in melee combat utilizing jetpack-powered ground pounds. The shooting feels similar to Gears of War, whereas the melee combat is more hack and slash. Enemies can be countered, which results in either an execution or a temporarily stunned alien, lined up for an auto-aimed pistol shot. Heavier enemies like Tyrannid warriors and Chaos Space Marines will have to be countered to be killed swiftly, and the game quickly becomes complicated, with your character struggling to manage the horde while dueling with bigger threats. Average difficulty was appropriately challenging with my low-level characters. You can be revived three times before you have to wait for a respawn. You gain experience with every game, allowing to your unlock more perks for your character, as well as armor customization. It's a pretty entertaining multiplayer game, and although I don't think it'll have as much legs as Helldivers 2, developers Saber Interactive have already released a new Operations mission, bringing the total number of multiplayer maps up to seven. There's also a player-versus-player mode that I haven't tried. The single player campaign took me about ten hours to beat on Hard difficulty.
If you're looking for a good hack and slash horde shooter, you can't go wrong with Space Marine 2. Just don't expect a compelling single-player experience. One other note: this is a pretty demanding game. With settings maxed out and DLSS set to dynamic with my frame rate target being 60, Space Marine 2 keeps right around the 60 to 70 mark, with maybe a few drops into the high 50s at 1440p. I'm not sure if there's a lot of scalability, since it seems to be CPU-bound. I played at 4k a couple times and had about the same frame rate, so depending on your CPU, you probably won't get ultra-high frame times unless you're sporting a top end processor.
Screenshots:
Election
Why the fuck
Do we have to go through
This shit again?
America once again has a choice
That shouldn’t be a choice at all.
On one side
With have stupidity,
Venality,
Conspiracy,
And sloth.
On the other,
We have someone
Who can speak in complete sentences
And who is promising
To continue democracy.
For nearly a decade,
I have wasted
Mental energy
Contemplating how someone
Could vote for a two-bit grifter
Who wears make up
And speaks in a vernacular
That you’d have to be an idiot
To understand.
Why is it close?
Are we as dumb
As we appear to be?
I fucking hope not.
Please, come November,
Let us have a small redemption
And vanquish the sins
Of a country.
I wrote this in about fifteen minutes, and it took me about an hour and a half to record. I used my Pitchfork effects pedal to make the or...
