- The Diary of Mitch R. Singer
- Hanging with the Goon
- The Consummate Politician Apologizes
- Rating the WWE's Roster by Their Stench
- The Esteemed Critic's Multiple Sentence Reviews
- Conan Brothers' Q&A
- Theme Park Mistress
- Hillsdale Paranormal Society
- Writer's Block
- Select Farmers Only Profiles
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Hanging with the Goon
Howdy, folks! Thar weader is getting mighty nice nowadays, and teh ol' Goon can finally wear his holey pants an his boots that have teh holes in teh toes so that his feets can breathe nice. As teh lectric light orchastra once said, 'Mr. Blue sky is comin', an erbody betta get outta his way fore he puts a boot in dere ass cuz its teh American way.' Down at teh farm, we're getting ready fere teh apple seasson. I've got all teh prunings picked up an stacked on a funeral pyre twenty feet high, an me an Hernando are a looking for somebody ta sacrifice to our heathen gods. Har, har! I'm just kiddin.' We wouldn't waste a virgin like that, no siree.
Me an Hernando been messin' wit growin' a little bit of teh wacky weed, if yous know what I'm gettin' at. We got ourselves a nice little greenhouse project, an ol' Sammy never know any better, cuz he's old an he don't know what marajowana looks like. Aparently, you want female plants, not teh male, cuz they don't get you any seeds, or some shit, but I dunno, Hernando takes care of all teh necesary details, I just smoke teh shit. I've been dealin' some of it to childrens when dere at recess. Little Bobby Atkins bought a hole pound teh other day. He's gonna grow up to be Willy Nelson or Snoop Dog, I reckon, an erbody will have teh Goon to thank! It'll be my brightest hour.
In udder news, my big brotha Willy just got arrested for grand larceny, which'll give him another felony, though he still don't have teh record, which belongs to my long diseased grandfather, Measles Malone. Erbody in teh Goon household is mighty pleased that Willy got arrested, cuz it means we get to eat more coco puffs and drink more beer witout his dumb ass stealin' everything. Plus, Willy always gets himself arrested whne he's ready to train fere teh powerlifting competition. He gets all prison buff an kicks ass. He's got taht Goon heridetary retard strength. I has it myself, but I can't bring myself to train it.
If anybody know a good looking underaged girlee fere teh Goon ta get busy wit, lemme know through teh majics of teh internets. Its been a long an lonely winter, as Cris Cristopherson would say in teh movie Blade, witch is one of my most favorite feature films. Tell her I gots teh Beaver Fevor an not teh sifolas. Email me at Goonferelife@hotmail.com. Ya'll have a nice day.