Friday, January 30, 2015

Hey Bro, I'm Gonna Get You Ripped

What do you think his shits look like? Righteous, that's what they look like.

Yo, this is Gordy Weaver here, but instead of giving ya'll paranormal advice like I usually do, I'm gonna share my workout program, which will get ya'll ripped and looking like Marky-Mark back in the days when Marky-Mark couldn't keep his shirt, pants, or shit together (AKA, the good ol' days). Now, some discriminating people are probably gonna comment on the balance of exercises and my supplement regimen, but those peps are asshole jabronis who couldn't whip their grandma's ass. So let's get to the point and share my split.

Monday, AKA National Bench Press Day. 4-6 sets of Bench Pressing, with rep ranges between 8 and 12 reps for maximum swoll factor. Top those pecs of with 4 sets of 10 dumbbell flys or the pec deck. Hit the triceps afterwards with some pushdowns to get that awesome horseshoe shape on the back of your arms. Do some lateral raises for the medial head of the deltoids. Wash, rinse, and repeat. The pecs are the most important body part besides the biceps (AND THE PENIS). Chicks wanna see them big boobies, and you gotta develop them with the utmost care and concern. I like to mix in Incline Benches every once in a while to get that awesome dividing line between the upper and lower pecs. You want those puppies to hang like tits.

Tuesday, BUILD YOUR BACK, YO. 4-6 sets of T-Bar Rows so that your bat wings take root and enable you to fly past all those lame motherfuckers. I love me some chins ups post rows. Sometimes I'll do them with a dumbbell in between my legs LIKE A BIG FUCKING WIENER. If you don't have that V-shape, no chick in her right mind is gonna be fooled into sleeping with your lame ass. I like to hammer my biceps after doing back, because you want those things to rise like mountains and fucking PEAK! 4-6 sets of 12 reps of hammer curls, reverse curls, preacher curls, cheat curls, etc... No amount of curling is too much curling, brotha.

Is that a guy who grew boobs or a girl who grew arms? Shit, I dunno, but it makes me feel insecure.

Wednesday, LEG DAY or day of rest. Haha, just kidding. You fools need to get on that leg press and move some iron. 4-6 sets bro. DO YOU SEE A PATTERN? Then bust out the leg extensions and the leg curls to develop that tear-drop shape in your quads that'll have all the hood rats shedding tears on their behalfs because YOU'RE SO GODDAMN SWOLL! Make sure to workout the calves before you leave. Nobody like skinny chicken legs. Except maybe your mom.

Supplements--Creatine, Protein Powder, Fat-Burners, BCAAs, Vitamins, etc... If you ain't spending 400 dollars a week on supplements, then you ain't spending enough! (Don't forget the illegals ones, bros). 

Thursday/Friday/Saturday, Repeat, repeat, repeat! You can change up exercises if you want, but don't neglect your muscles unless you want your muscles to neglect you. The most important things in life are your body, your bros, your libido, and Mark Wahlberg. PEACE.

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