Monday, July 14, 2014

Conan Brothers Q&A

HarveyDillingersGhost asks "Who's the greatest author of our generation?"

Arnold: What the fuck. You guys think we read or something?

Dave: The Millennials have yet to produce a great author, in my opinion. If we look back on Generation X, there are some interesting choices. I'd vote for David Foster Wallace, since Infinite Jest is one of the best books I've ever read, and it's gigantic, messy, and overly ambitions, and perhaps the best example of post-modern literature I can think of, without citing one of Thomas Pynchon's unreadable volumes. Kinda funny that I've always bounced off of Pynchon, since he's the author that I think Wallace most resembles. Wallace has an excellent readability to his work, almost like he's conversing with you, that makes all the fancy math and lengthy sentences flow better than Pynchon's prose.

Arnold: Look at you, putting up middle class white guys as examples of great authors. What about Toni Morrison, motherfucker?

Dave: If you had to read Beloved, you'd realize it's fucking terrible.

Arnold: I dug the cow sex scenes. And the milk-taking.

Dave: Christ, you're a deviant. I didn't think you could read.

Arnold: Think again, motherfucker!

RogerEbertLives! asks "What's you guys' favorite cult film?"

Arnold: What the hell, are all the goddamn nerds emailing us this week? Give us some weightlifting questions!

Dave: I mean, what even qualifies as a cult film? I would say The Matrix was a cult film, as well as The Big Lebowski, and both of those are from mainstream directors, though I guess they may not have been at the time. Brazil is pretty good. It has style and humor, both of which are important for a dystopic science fiction film, since those get bogged down too often by gloom and doom. It has Robert De Niro as some weird rebel air conditioner repairman. With a mustache.

Arnold: If we're gonna pick a Robert De Niro film, then I gotta say Raging Bull. Dude got fat for the end part by eating Italian food four times a day. Gotta watch those carbs, people.

Dave: Time Bandits is excellent as well, since I brought up Terry Gilliam. Definitely a movie best watched stoned.

Arnold: That's the one with all the midgets in it, isn't it. Goddamn movie gives me nightmares.

Dave: You're like five-seven. You're damn-near a midget yourself.

Arnold: You're maybe a half-inch taller than me, so who's the pot calling the kettle black?

Dave: I never tire of your sayings. Never change, Arnold.

Arnold: Hell yeah I'm never changing.

BeastMode asks "Why do so many programs have you squatting three times a week, but only deadlifting once, for one set of five? Can I deadlift more than that, or will my body fall apart?"

Dave: Here you go, Arnold, a weightlifting question.

Arnold: About time. Thing is, people are too obsessed with programming. Five by five programs are very popular right now, and while they're a great option for novices, they're not the only way to train. The reason you only deadlift once during a three-times a week squatting program is because you're squatting three times a week, and therefore getting plenty of back work. Now, I don't think that kind of programming is ideal for developing a big deadlift, though the squat will build the deadlift to a degree. I'd rather squat twice a week and deadlift for at least ten or fifteen reps once a week. You can deadlift for sets across; your back won't explode. I don't think deadlifting is any harder to recover from than squatting, although I see a lot of opinions voicing the opposite. The important thing to remember is try shit yourself. Don't take the word of some internet guru. You're a beautiful flower, a special snowflake. Different people respond to different stimuluses.

Dave: Yeah, the chorus of "Do the program," that gets shouted around is a little tiring. Now, newbies probably shouldn't mess around too much with their routine for the first couple months. But once you're in the intermediate stage, then you should find out what works and what doesn't.

Arnold: I never squatted three times a week or every day. Twice a week is more than enough for me. Similarly, three sets of five or five sets of five didn't work to bring up my bench after novice progression. I needed triples, some heavy work in addition to volume.

Dave: Are three answered questions enough for this week?

Arnold: Yes. I'm feeling lazy.

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