Fiction, comedy, music, pop-culture musings, and other awesome nonsense from a disembodied head floating in the ether...
Thursday, November 30, 2023
I Published a Book: Tales from the Apocalypse
Saturday, November 25, 2023
Bulksgiving? More Like Pukesgiving
It only comes once a year, a delicious feast beyond compare. Turkey, mashed potatoes, steamed carrots, stuffing, cranberries, and pies of all types. Heap up that gravy, baby. Give me another scoop of whipped cream. Bring on the comradery, the family, the sense of belonging and harmony. Give me the Dallas Cowboys and some cringy half-time show that we can all make fun of while feeling vaguely above that sort of pandering. Best part of all is that you're packing on the mass like John Goodman in a Ponderosa. I hear you're pushing the scales above 200 lbs now, and unlike the majority of your peers, most of it is solid muscle. Commendable, bra--you're getting there. You're just one Bulksgiving meal away from being a real man.
What's that, you say? Does your tummy not feel so good? Is there a peculiar sloshing around in your innards like the catalyst of a chemical explosion? Do you suddenly feel the need to rush to the toilet, to feel its sweet embrace as you hurl the contents of your stomach into its bowl like a frat boy on a Saturday night?
No, brother--this can't be happening. Not on today of all days. This is a day of packing on mass, not losing it the Sachmo way. Maybe it was just the beers last night. You had a couple after all, and you mixed that alcohol with a big bowl of goldfish, and maybe, at thirty-eight years of age, that was just too much for you. Just one brief puke and you'll be alright. Right?
Oh goddamn it. Here it comes again. And again. And again. There isn't anything left in your system to expel, yet the nausea demands a sacrifice, and you'll provide, even if you're on your knees with sweat dripping down your eyes. Even the bed provides no rest. Full body aches rack your frame, and a pain radiates out from the center of your back like you just slipped a disk while pulling 500 lbs. Good lord, this is misery. There's no way to be comfortable. There is no relief.
As Bulksgiving passes you by, you find no comfort in Seinfeld re-runs viewed from the discomfort of the sofa. You're so cold, but no amount of blankets help. Consciousness becomes a fugue state, where your pain overrides all perception. You were supposed to pushing 210 today, bra. You'll be lucky to hold on to 200.
Someone out there eat another piece of pie for the Bulksgiving that we lost. Someone scarf down some dried turkey and cold mashed potatoes. Somebody needs to collapse in a post-Thanksgiving stupor because we lost one this week, and by-god, we'll never get it back.
Remember me, bra. This was supposed to be the year. Bulksgiving turned into Pukesgiving, and I'm more than a little bit salty.
Wednesday, November 22, 2023
Weightlifting: A beltless 450 for 3 Deadlift
I've finally started setting PRs again in the squat. I hit 315 for 6 and 310 for 7 in the beltless low-bar squat this week, and while those are still far away from my belted low-bar maxes, I'm getting closer. Squatting without a belt, doing paused high bar triples, and heavy box squats have really made me get comfortable with pushing myself again, likely because those squat variations all suck. In weightlifting (and in life), if you hate doing something, make it harder to make yourself harder. PR sheet below:
1RM | 2RM | 3RM | 4RM | 5RM | 6RM | 7RM | 8RM | 9RM | 10RM | |
Low Bar Squat | 415 | 380 | 365 | 350 | 360 | 340 | 320 | 315 | ||
High Bar Squat | 390 | 365 | 350 | 345 | 340 | 315 | 320 | 300 | ||
High Bar Squat (Paused) | 365 | 315 | ||||||||
High Bar Squat (No Belt) | 365 | 335 | 325 | 325 | 330 | 285 | 250 | |||
Front Squat | 315 | 300 | 300 | 275 | 270 | 255 | 245 | 225 | 215 | 225 |
Bench Press | 315 | 290 | 280 | 275 | 270 | 260 | 255 | 245 | 245 | 235 |
Bench Press (Paused) | 300 | 280 | 265 | 255 | 245 | 240 | 245 | 230 | 230 | 225 |
Overhead Press | 195 | 185 | 175 | 170 | 170 | 160 | 155 | 150 | 140 | 145 |
Deadlift | 510 | 470 | 455 | 425 | 410 | 415 | 410 | 390 | 405 | 360 |
Deadlift (No Belt) | 460 | 450 | 400 | 405 | 365 | 340 | ||||
Sumo Deadlift | 455 | 435 | 405 | 420 | 410 | 315 | ||||
Clean | 235 | 225 | 220 | 195 | ||||||
Push Press | 230 | 205 | 205 | 195 | 185 | |||||
Incline Press (low angle) | 255 | 245 | 225 | 235 | 225 | 215 | 210 | 205 | ||
Close Grip | 295 | 275 | 270 | 265 | 255 | 250 | 245 | 235 | 230 | 235 |
BTNPP | 225 | 205 | 160 | |||||||
SGDL | 405 | 365 | 315 | |||||||
Wchins | 45 | 50 | 50 | 35 | 30 | |||||
Snatch | 155 | |||||||||
Clean & Jerk | 215 | |||||||||
Power Clean | 240 | 215 | ||||||||
Clean and Push Press | 205 | 175 | 185 | 160 | ||||||
Reverse Grip BP | 230 | 225 | 185 | 215 | 210 | 205 | ||||
LB SQ no belt | 380 | 350 | 335 | 315 | 315 | 310 | 300 |
Friday, November 17, 2023
New Music: Angelina
My phone doesn't have the best microphone, but hey, who cares? Angelina is an oldie written during my bygone college days. Definitely more than a little Big Star influence on this tune.
Thursday, November 16, 2023
Starfield Doesn't Make a Good First Impression
I have certain expectations regarding Bethesda games. I expect large, detailed open worlds to explore, with every hillside possibly bringing a new spectacle, be it a dragon, a super-mutant behemeth, a village of cavemen, Pleistocene megafauna, or a town run by street urchins. The thrill of discovery, of having that cloudy map gradually reveal its secrets, is what separates Bethesda's Elder Scrolls and Fallout games from other similar open world titles. However, a lot has changed in the gaming world since Fallout 4. Games such as the Witcher 3, Cyberpunk 2077, and Baldur's Gate 3 have upped the ante. All of the aforementioned have great quests, memorable characters, excellent role-playing opportunities, and combat systems that aren't shallow (though the Witcher 3 is really just serviceable in that regard). Some of the foibles of Bethesda titles, namely their half-assed questing, their pototo-faced characters, and janky engine don't exactly cut it nowadays. So when Starfield launched with a somewhat mixed reception, I wasn't exactly surprised. I've finally checked it out via Game Pass, and lemme tell ya, people, it doesn't make a good first impression.
Despite the various visual overhauls, the Creation Engine still can't let the player character open a door without a loading screen. You can't hop in your spaceship and fly up into space like in The Outer Wilds; nope, here's another loading screen. You can wander around the open pathways of New Atlantis, but if you go into any of the buildings, cue a six second loading screen. This limitation of the Creation Engine has existed forever, but its worse in Starfield because it ruins the exploration game loop every Bethesda title is built around. You can roam around the Capital Wasteland or Skyrim for hours if you desire, but that's just not possible in Starfield because everything's broken up into these little loading zones sequestered on separate planets. It reminds me of Deus Ex: Invisible War, a game divided into tiny little areas because the original X Box couldn't handle something like the large maps of the original. Now the Series X and the Series S have limits, but they're fundamentally equivalent in hardware spec to mid-range pcs. Both are equipped with Zen 2 8 core processors, RDNA 2 gpus, and ssds. There's absolutely no hardware specific reason for Starfield's plethora of loading screens, especially when games like Cyberpunk 2077 accomplish much more visually with better hardware scalability. Why, for instance, does my framerate dip below 60 fps in New Atlantis when its streets are barely occupied with pedestrians, not to mention no vehicles? Night City runs and looks so much better.
My second big complaint is the interface, which is just terrible. Inventory items are stacked on the left side of the screen in categories, necessitating multiple clicks. The star map looks kind of fancy but it's confusing to browse. Why can't every game just use a basic grind inventory like in Baldur's Gate 3? It's a design that's existed since the dawn of time, but Bethesda just can't figure it out.
Nor can they figure out how to model human faces. If an indie studio like Larian can make a face like this:
Then why can't Bethesda, a big studio backed by Microsoft, produce anything better than this for one of their main characters?
So far my gameplay experience has consisted of one brief episode of combat, followed by a quest to go to Mars, where I talked to two people in a mining operation that looked gigantic outside but was really just one hallway indoors. I picked up a quest to put a tracking beacon on top of a launch pad, but I couldn't scale it because I didn't have the jet booster training, so I had to fast travel to Venus, I guess, because there was nothing left to do on Mars. I've only played about an hour, but I can already tell that Bethesda hasn't updated their approach, and in a world full of great RPGs, I'm not sure potato-faced NPCs, fetch quests, and loading screens are going to hold my interest before I abandon this dated game for something better.
I do like the art design, however. Retro-futurism is the shit.
Tuesday, November 7, 2023
Maybe I Should Stay off Reddit
I've been fairly immune to the "charms" of social media for a long time. I didn't get a smart phone until about two years ago, and I abandoned Facebook for personal use not long after the Zuck opened up the platform to non-college users. Reddit, however, has been an exception. For a couple years now, the majority of my internet browsing, either on my phone or my PC, has been taken up by Reddit. I get to see the latest video game controversy, ask the mycology subreddit whether the mushrooms my toddler ate are poisonous, and browse the front page to see whatever is trending. There's always something interesting on Reddit, and unlike other social media, it's basically an old-time Internet forum, which makes me nostalgic for the days of Something Awful (as awful as that sounds). Yet Reddit is still social media; it's still recording your browsing habits and recommending similar subreddits based on what you're consuming. In other words, it's very easy to get into a nice little bubble instead of discovering new interests. The algorithm knows you better than you know yourself (then again, it will occasionally recommend some weird shit, like celebrity gossip). Other than subtly nudging your browsing interests, Reddit also has a way of encouraging negativity. Negative engagement is passionate engagement, and passionate engagement usually trends to the top of search algorithms. Gaming subreddits are full of endless criticism, and you'll certainly rue the day you subscribed to the politics subreddit. Doom and gloom seem to be pervasively spread by group-think, another scourge of the Internet, and one of Reddit's biggest problems. A consensus usually forms regarding various issues, and woe to the user that challenges the majority. The initial liberalism of the Internet has given way to a tyranny of user manipulation that we are all vaguely aware of, yet we lack the self-discipline to do anything about it. After all, we got to get that sweet dopamine hit from scrolling through your feed, right?
So yeah, I'm going to try to quit Reddit. I've tried before, and I always come crawling back. This time though, I wrote a blog post, so that makes it different, heh. We have enough negativity in our lives with the constant bombardment of negative news. I don't think the human race would've made it to this point had social media been around for thousands of years.
Wednesday, November 1, 2023
Weightlifting: Deadlift 405 for 9
I really wish I could've gotten ten here, but I'm proud that I managed 9 reps with 405, considering the shape I'm in. I have a pretty bad cold and it seems to be persisting despite my best efforts. I pretty much always work out when I'm sick unless I'm deathly ill. The Gainz Faerie doth not sleepeth, eh? The holy trinity of Deadlift progress is rotating Sumo, Conventional, and Barbell Rows, which I've already mentioned many times, but it bears repeating. I've set more personal records on Deadlifts in the past couple months than I did for years, and it's simply because I'm going for them, rather than concentrating on my squat or indulging some piddly progression system. If you've been training for a decade and you don't know what works, then figure it out, man! Cookie-cutter programs are designed for beginners or people that lack imagination. For myself, I know that high frequency, moderate volume with a focus on constant variation equals progress.
1RM | 2RM | 3RM | 4RM | 5RM | 6RM | 7RM | 8RM | 9RM | 10RM | |
Low Bar Squat | 415 | 380 | 365 | 350 | 360 | 340 | 320 | 315 | ||
High Bar Squat | 390 | 365 | 350 | 345 | 340 | 315 | 320 | 300 | ||
High Bar Squat (Paused) | 365 | 315 | ||||||||
High Bar Squat (No Belt) | 365 | 335 | 325 | 325 | 330 | 285 | 250 | |||
Front Squat | 315 | 300 | 300 | 275 | 270 | 255 | 245 | 225 | 215 | 225 |
Bench Press | 315 | 290 | 280 | 275 | 270 | 260 | 255 | 245 | 245 | 235 |
Bench Press (Paused) | 300 | 275 | 265 | 255 | 245 | 240 | 235 | 230 | 225 | 225 |
Overhead Press | 195 | 185 | 175 | 170 | 170 | 160 | 155 | 150 | 140 | 145 |
Deadlift | 510 | 470 | 455 | 425 | 410 | 415 | 410 | 390 | 405 | 360 |
Deadlift (No Belt) | 460 | 435 | 400 | 405 | 365 | 340 | ||||
Sumo Deadlift | 455 | 435 | 405 | 420 | 410 | 315 | ||||
Clean | 235 | 225 | 220 | 195 | ||||||
Push Press | 230 | 205 | 205 | 195 | 185 | |||||
Incline Press (low angle) | 255 | 245 | 225 | 235 | 225 | 215 | 210 | 205 | ||
Close Grip | 295 | 275 | 270 | 265 | 255 | 250 | 245 | 235 | 230 | 230 |
New Music: Kurt's Complaint
Hey a Nirvana parody! Nobody's ever done that before, right? I do think this is a pretty good homage, however. I committed garage rock...
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So now that I'm nearing the end of my experiment in heavy daily squatting, there are some things that I would have done differently. ...
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Here's a shot from Amid Evil, because it is a video game. Here is an ever-growing list of all of the video games I have reviewed for ...