Conan The Barbarian is a a 1982 film by director John Milius, and is mainly remembered for being Arnold Schwarzenegger's first hit. It opens with a famous Nietzsche quote--What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger--and the concept of the ubermensch seems to be a major theme. Conan the Cimmerian witnesses the deaths of his parents as a child to the blade of Thulsa Doom, a sorcerer and leader of a snake cult. He is sold into slavery, and his work at a millstone is the explanation for Schwarzenegger's muscular physique. Later trained as a gladiator, Conan is eventually freed, and he makes his way through the brutal Hyborian age, surviving encounters with wild dogs and a witch until he meets up with thieves Subotai and Valeria, who form the basis of his DnD party. After stealing a ruby from Thulsa's Set cult, they are captured and tasked by King Osric to bring back his daughter from Doom's clutches.
Plotwise, Conan is fine. We have a quest, and notable setbacks including Conan's crucifixion on the Tree of Woe (Arnie memorably bites a vulture to death), the death of a major character, a battle amongst giant stones, and finally the resolution. Unfortunately, the action is poorly-choreographed, with Swartzenegger in particularly appearing clumsy rather than dexterous in his sword wielding, and many long transitory scenes linger on the southern California landscape, which fails to transport the viewer to another world. The score, by Greek composer Basil Poledouris, does a lot of the heavy lifting, with his main theme in particular successfully evoking an age of sword and sorcery barbarism. The best scene in the movie is the climax, when Conan surprises Doom at the top of his temple and beheads him, causing his mass of hooded followers to extinguish their candles in a pool.
In the end, I appreciated Conan for its influence, even if it fails to live up to modern standards as an action movie. Arnie's character is not a superhero, but rather a hero modeled from ancient myth, who often succeeds because of guile or the fortuitous intervention of the gods or his friends rather than his own ability. His particular achievement is his determined focus for revenge. Last year's The Northman is an excellent successor, with similar themes and a better execution. So maybe watch Conan The Barbarian with tempered expectations (look out for bodybuilding legend Franco Columbu as a hammer-swinging antagonist) and The Northman afterwards for a more modern take on the barbarian revenge flick.
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