Saturday, March 5, 2016

How to Know if You're a Social Justice Warrior

The catch-all term "social justice warrior" is used by maladroit idiots on the internet to describe anyone that disagrees with them. Calling someone a SJW is usually followed by needless personal attacks, implications that the said person should be raped or is a rapist, diatribes against feminism, etc, etc. Since Pointless Venture has been found guilty time and time again of social justice, we're going to review just what makes someone a SJW, just in case, you know, you want to get that taken care of (recommended treatment: brain transplant with a 14-year-old male plus spending 10 hours a day on Reddit).

1. You might be a SJW if you've ever said the word "racist."

2. You're probably a SJW if you ever called anyone a "neckbeard," even if that accurately describes their facial hair.

3. You're a scummy SJW if you think the new ghostbusters movie could be anything but absolutely terrible.

4. If you've ever dyed your hair, you're a slutty SJW.

5. If you're a woman and you ignore creepy guys who approach you, you're a SJW, you goddamn feminist.

6. If you believe in rape, you're definitely a SJW.

7. If you play video games with women and neglect to crudely proposition them for sex, then you're a castrated male that probably wears his balls around his neck, you filthy SJW.

8. Have you written an essay? SJW.

9. Do you recycle? Fucking SJW.

10. Do you have an English Degree? Lotta good that did you, you trust-fund-having, piece of shit SJW.

11. If you weren't offended by the fact that they put a black stormtrooper in the new Star Wars movie, then you're a SJW, you reverse racist bastard.

12. If you refuse to admit the awful feminist double standard of how society objectifies the male figure at least as much as the female body, then you're a SJW.

Wow, thanks society for enabling my weightlifting addiction.

13. You lift the seat when you pee = SJW.

14. You buy your girlfriend flowers = SJW.

15. You have a girlfriend = SJW.

16. You've said derogatory things about My Little Pony in the past = SJW.

17. You can get an erection without looking at anime = SJW.

18. You are somewhat normally socially-developed = SJW.

19. You had to look up the term "SJW," = SJW.

Yeah, there are a lot of people that look like this around.

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