Thursday, July 28, 2016

Select Farmers Only Profiles


Name: Harold Reynolds

Age: 65

Looking For: An all-American woman to help me make America Great Again.

Bio: THIS NATION HAS SUFFERED UNDER BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA AND IT'S TIME WHITE FOLKS TOOK IT BACK. MY BROTHER LOST HIS JOB LAST WEEK AS A WAL-MART GREETER TO SOME BILINGUAL MEXICAN. WE NEED TO PUT A STOP TO THIS AND ROUND ALL OF THEM UP AND SHIP THEM BACK TO MEXICO WHERE THEY CAN STEAL JOBS FROM THEIR OWN COUNTRYMEN. IN OTHER NEWS, THE WOMAN I AM LOOKING FOR MUST BE WILLING TO HELP DRIVE A FORTY-FOOT RV TO TRUMP CONVENTIONS AND COOK HOT DOGS THREE NIGHTS A WEEK MINIMUM. THAT IS ALL, GOD BLESS.


Name: Don't bother, you won't be around long enough to learn it.

Age: 25, but perpetually 16.

Looking For: A material girl who is willing to demean herself and who doesn't expect a phone call.

Bio: Girls are just in it for the cash and the pretty things, right? I'm just in it for the hookup. Will show you a good time and take you to a fancy restaurant as long as you put out. Might be willing to party more than once, provided you are a good lay. I have a great job as a phone sales tech, so not afraid to make it rain up in here. Must be willing to screw at your place. My mom is tired of cleaning up the mess.



Name: Dick Grayson, AKA "The Boy Wonder."

Age: 17.

Looking For: A bi-curious older gentleman who isn't afraid to take charge.

Bio: Look people, I just got out of an abusive relationship with an older guy who I sort of viewed as a father-figure. Messed up, right? Yeah, I have some emotional baggage, I'll be up front about it. Ever since my family was killed in a tragic trapeze accident, I've been doing some strange things. Must admit to having a pretty bad cosplay fetish. Also like to roam the streets and beat the hell out of random people. Older guy didn't let me date or experiment, so I'd like to ease into possible a three-way with a girl. Would help if you're a super-villain because I might need some protection from older guy.


Name: Ayn Rand

Age: Deceased.

Looking For: Objectivist truth.

Bio: Hey, just made this profile to see if there were any Objectivists looking for a relationship. Love the theories, but not so hot on the weird rape fetish that Rand had. Kind of into dressing up as conservative heroes during coitus. I have this awesome Ronald Regan mask that makes Ted Cruz's look fake. Open to anything, message me even if you just want to have coffee. Just please no more Trump supporters. He's not a real conservative, and nothing kills my boner like the unnatural orange skin hue most Trump supporters prefer.  

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