Tuesday, April 19, 2016

How Many Muffins Is Too Many Muffins?


There is a question that has been bothering me for weeks. I can't stop thinking about it, yet I can arrive at no satisfactory answer. How many muffins is too many muffins?

One muffin should be enough in most circumstances, correct? I mean, muffins are delicious, but they are full of calories and sugar. Such things are best consumed in moderation, I reason. Yet I cannot help myself. I had a second muffin today, just like I did the day before. Now I find myself thinking about eating a third muffin, and perhaps a fourth.

What comes after that fourth muffin?A fifth muffin, perhaps? A sixth? When comes the last muffin? I am left wondering what the limit is, and whether I will ever reach it. The only way to know is to try to eat as many muffins as possible.

I must ask for someone to pay for all of these muffins I need to eat, and so I am in the process of setting up a Kickstarter to fund my grand experiment. One-hundred muffins should be a good starting place. A variety of flavors would be best, if anybody wants to just skip the Kickstarter and buy me the muffins directly. I like chocolate, blueberry, raspberry, vanilla, etc,. I am not picky when it comes to muffins. Please email me for an appropriate drop-off point. It would be best if the muffins were kept in a cool, dry container. I may need help loading the muffins into my car, so if you could stick around and aid in the loading, that would be great.

Also, I am planning on filming the whole process, so if someone with directorial experience could swing by with a decent camera, I would appreciate it. YouTube needs to know how many muffins is too many muffins. I foresee millions of page views and a sponsorship from a muffin company. By the way, does anybody know a muffin company? I would like to establish a relationship with one of the major players.

One last thing: how many muffins is too many muffins for a baby to eat? Facts to consider: baby is 11 days old and has no teeth. Thank you to everyone who wants to make my dream a reality. 

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