Monday, April 4, 2016

Shut Up, Marks


I really had you all going, didn't I? Ol' Vinnie Mac had everyone looking past all the injuries, the bad booking, the underwhelming storylines of RAW. It was Wrestlemania season, and that's when the company pulls out all the stops to get you, Mr. (or Miss) mark to commit to another year of poor-writing, character burials, and John Cena. You thought this year would be different, or at least, entertaining. Hell, Wrestlemania 31 was entertaining, wasn't it? And it's not like you didn't have plenty of people to root for. AJ Styles (not a homegrown product, must bury). Dean Ambrose (too small, not enough man-muscle). Sasha Banks (Black, albeit hot). Sami Zayn (you think I'd push a hipster-Canadian? You lazy millennial). Not one of them went over, did they? That's what you get for rejecting my boy, Roman.

You marks think you know better than Vincent K. McMahon. I built this goddamn company, you fools. Well, sure, I bought it off my dad, but I made it into the powerhouse it is today. Remember the Monday Nite Wars? Of course you don't, you probably weren't even born. Fifty years from now, when I am finally gone, ninety-six year-old Triple H will still be reminding the audience of how we defeated WCW. They can never forget, hah, just like I never forget. You think Rusev's buried for nothing? He was a star last year, look at him this year. All because his dumb girlfriend leaked engagement pictures to the media. That's how petty I am, and you assholes better believe it. You're not allowed to have favorites anymore. I decided how you think.

You think the past ten years with Cena were bad, wait until you get a load of how I'm going to book Roman. He's the champ, and there's already nobody for him to feud with because they've all been fed to him and one another. I'm going to bring up an NXT favorite every month and Roman is going to proceed to beat the shit out of him until he is at the very bottom of the card in between Tyler Breeze and El Torito. These kids have to pay their dues, you understand. They aren't working hard enough for me to push them.

How do you not see what I see?

Threaten all you want about canceling the WWE Network. Just keep in mind that you can't watch NXT without it. Wrestling fans always threaten to never watch again but they always come back. Hell, Cena has been winning nonstop for years and they still watch. We still make money. The fans that I want are in the seats. The others bitch on the internet.

The Rock can always come back for an appearance, mind you. Same with Stone Cold or HBK. I guarantee you Hulk has one more good run in him as soon as the public forgets about his remarks. With every appearance they remind you how good wrestling once was. They remind you of the time when this company built new stars, when there could be more than one top guy. Every year I trot them out so that you, Mr. mark, get your hopes up once more. Because that's what this business is about, you know. Hope.

Keep hoping, marks. It only puts dollars in my pocket.

Booty-O's! They make sure Vince gets money.


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