Saturday, November 21, 2015

Things to Be Thankful for


Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and in the spirit of turkey and football, I wish to list some of the things I am thankful for. These are the things I could remember. They are ranked as follows:

1. My spouse--anyone that puts up with bed farts is a keeper.

2. The prince (or princess) that was promised.

3. Beer. What would I do without beer? It is silly to think about a world without beer. I don't think I can do it.

4. Coffee. I love coffee almost as much as I love beer, which is to say, quite a lot.

5. A new Star Wars movie not directed by George Lucas.

6. The internet (sometimes).

7. The warming rays of the sun.

8. Donald Trump, the great revealor, who has shone us what the ancient Greeks were worried about when they said Democracy was stupid.

9. Running water and indoor toilets. Imagine taking a poo outside in the cold!

10. Dogs. Dogs are funny and they love unconditionally. They are like emotionally-stunted, mentally-handicapped children. I love dogs!

11. Barbells. How else would I exert my dominance over gravity and build those sweet, sweet show muscles?

12. Music from any time period but the last ten years.

13. Guitars.

14. Lamps.

15. Houses (with character). I couldn't live in a cave. Not comfortably, at least. And what is life but the search for comfort?


16. The work of H.P. Lovecraft (minus the racism).

17. Apples (honestly, this should be higher).

18. The flesh of the beast (meat).

19. Friends and family (the ones that still talk to me, hah).

20. Deodorant.

21. Professional wrestling.

22. Pop tarts.

23. Monkeys.

24. The human imagination, for which all things are possible.

25. Cash-money.

26. Dr. Dre.

27. Rocks.

28. Dinosaurs.

29. Boobies (This should be a lot higher).

30. Sentience (sometimes). 

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