Conan Brothers Q&A

NeverDumpInPublic asks "Who do you hippy bros want to win the Democratic nomination for President?"

Arnold: Jesus Christ, it's 2019.

Dave: You know the 2016 election never really went away.

Arnold: Every fucking day, I have to think about Trump. That's a hell of a burden, even when thinking about who could beat him.

Dave: I think a wet paper sack of shit could beat him, personally.

Arnold: He basically has to have 100 percent of his base turn out to have a chance, and I don't think that base has grown since 2016.

Dave: He could still win, though.

Arnold: For sure. A weak Democratic candidate, maybe a strong third party challenger, combined with a big economic upswing could hand Trump the Presidency again, although I think the chance of all three of those things happening is really small.

Dave: Answer the man's question, you bozo.

Arnold: God, I don't even really care. I'd prefer someone younger and to the Left, but if old-ass Joe Biden runs, I think he's the favorite, and I'll vote for him.

Dave: There's definitely a chance that someone out of left field wins.

Arnold: But pretty much a zero percent chance that Howard Schultz wins as an independent.

Dave: Yeah, the goddamn media really is a scourge.

Arnold: Do you agree with Trump that the fourth estate is the enemy of the people?

Dave: No, but I think the media has no idea how poorly it handles someone like Trump.

Arnold: Next question!

...

SteaksandWeights asks "Bros, what is the best way to gain mass?"

Arnold: McDonalds for breakfast, lunch, supper, dinner, and midnight snack.

Dave: Kind of a silly question. Obviously, Americans have no trouble putting on weight.

Arnold: Why are we so fat, Dave?

Dave: We eat garbage food and live a sedentary existence.

Arnold: You mean this shit ain't rocket science?

Dave: I think we should initiate more scientific studies.

Arnold: But gaining mass is different from gaining blubber. We want quality weight gain.

Dave: Then eat mostly good food, with a little bit of junk, adding up to a caloric surplus.

Arnold: That's how I've gained eight pounds this winter.

Dave: And he's only a little bit fat!

Arnold: This shake for breakfast really helps.

Dave: As well as this program.

...

GamerMike asks "Does the Epic store have a chance against Steam?"

Dave: Giving away free games helps.

Arnold: That's how I got Subnautica, which is awesome.

Dave: People have been rather critical of Epic, but Steam was a mess back in 2004, when I installed it to play Half-Life 2.

Arnold: Exclusives don't help. People don't want to be forced to install another client. I haven't bought an EA game since Origin deleted my account.

Dave: Why did they do that?

Arnold: No idea, but I only lost Crysis 3, so no biggie.

Dave: Steam is a monolith, and Valve are a lazy company. They've let three of the biggest series in gaming stagnant (Half-Life, Portal, and Left 4 Dead) and seem content to manage Steam like a free for all bazaar. They need a competent challenger to get their shit together.

Arnold: Do you think all the tikes playing Fortnight will browse the Epic store?

Dave: Undoubtedly some will. Even a small fraction of that playerbase has to be well over a million people, right?

Arnold: I will never forgive Epic for discontinuing the Unreal Tournament reboot.

Dave: Neither will I, Arnold. I still want to frag like it's 1999.